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beneficii
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09 Nov 2013, 2:51 pm

I'm feeling so much pain inside, I'm starting to groan to self-soothe. :(



beneficii
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09 Nov 2013, 2:53 pm

My head is full of fog, too.



bumble
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09 Nov 2013, 3:32 pm

I get that, its horrible.

What soothes you when you are feeling that way?



BeggingTurtle
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09 Nov 2013, 4:11 pm

Wat?

Is something wrong?


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beneficii
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09 Nov 2013, 5:47 pm

I think it was the gender dysphoria. Also, I don't think I had gotten a full night's sleep last night and had only rice (with little protein this morning). At my lunch break, I took a nap and ate some yogurt, and actually now feel a bit better. :)



beneficii
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10 Nov 2013, 9:15 am

I'm feeling painful again. :(



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10 Nov 2013, 5:02 pm

I'm feeling painful again. Everything around me seems so pointless and stupid. I'm doing code academy, and now it seems stupid, a waste of time. I hate everybody and everything.



Opi
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10 Nov 2013, 5:16 pm

i feel bad today too, my thoughts are with you. at least you got a couple of things accomplished. i know it doesn't feel like much but i find it keeps bad feelings from getting worse.

hopelessness sounds like depression. i feel it right now too. it's hard to hang on to when you feel all alone, but it is a perspective, not a reality. that's why i posted here today. i desperately need people to be in contact with and can't even face anyone IRL i feel so messed up.

i hope you find some stimming that helps.


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beneficii
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10 Nov 2013, 5:50 pm

Opi wrote:
i feel bad today too, my thoughts are with you. at least you got a couple of things accomplished. i know it doesn't feel like much but i find it keeps bad feelings from getting worse.

hopelessness sounds like depression. i feel it right now too. it's hard to hang on to when you feel all alone, but it is a perspective, not a reality. that's why i posted here today. i desperately need people to be in contact with and can't even face anyone IRL i feel so messed up.

i hope you find some stimming that helps.


Thanks. However, my main problem, gender dysphoria, is not likely to be solved anytime soon.



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11 Nov 2013, 12:29 am

I'm feeling painful again. I'm heading to a career transition meeting tomorrow evening. I know how I'm going to feel when I arrive. I'm going to feel pain and I'm going to hate everybody there. I'm going to hate everybody there, because if those people were given the power to make the decision on whether I would be covered for sex reassignment surgery, I would know that everyone would want to deny it.

Maybe I would improve over the course of the meeting as I would be engaged, but still I would come away with it disappointed, with a bunch of vague questions and still no clear path.