Was Growing Up Harder for You Than Most People?

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I realized last night I'm almost 31 and I still have the social maturity of a teenager or less. I'm no longer ashamed of it and accept it's part of Aspergers but growing up was rough starting at the age of 11. I had a pleasant childhood before that but was haunted by horrific nightmares that sure felt like a very nasty end to a previous lifetime. Whether that's true or it was just my imagination, they were horrific and hard to deal with. I felt out of step with my peers starting in Kindergarten/Grade 1, when I was interested in exploring whether Pluto was a planet or whether there were more planets past the trans-Neptunian belt the other kids were doing the basic block play. I was still happy but was I ever out of step with the average kid.

I was told over and over again that the teenage years were the best years of your life and if you think being a teenager is hard, being an adult is 10 times worse. Luckily I got to experience how wrong that statement was before I drew up a suicide note. My early teenage years (say 12-16) were pure, unadulterated HELL and I would never wish them on anyone. Being an adult is not easy but I have more energy, get along with more people than ever and have even more vitality than I did as a teenager who was beaten down, both figuratively and literally. Add to the fact I was about 1.5 years younger than any other student in my class on top of that and towered over everyone I didn't stand a chance.

My deficiencies became obvious at around 16-18. I was always "Out of step" with everyone else and vacillated between the "cool kids" who generally used me as joke bait and my own company. I would retreat to the library when I needed solace or when I felt overwhelmed.

I was always doing "Innapropriate things" however. The list of embarassing incidents is rather extensive. When it came time to do A levels (17-18) I couldnt make the emotional leap and fell apart. I started to become acutely and painful aware of hierarchies around me. As the men in my year were called upon to become men (to lead and take on responsibilities) I found that I was still a boy and could only make the vaguest attempt at being a "Man".

The stress led me to fail my a levels and led to me underachieving exceptionally. Im now stuck at that point emotionally

Childhood was great for me. It was when I hit puberty that all my social problems started.

I suppose so. I was overlooked by a lot of 'systems' that are meant to be there to help you. I come from a culturally and linguistically diverse background, I grew up in a home with family violence, I have a highly critical mother, I experienced a lot of emotional abuse and sometimes physical abuse, the only family I have known is my immediate family (mother, sister and father), I didn't have strong social supports, my father passed away when I was 10 to a drug overdose, I had to take on the responsibilities of parent at various stages, I was exposed to community violence, I was bullied and ostracized throughout schooling (by teachers and peers) and I had to work through my issues of trauma, anxiety, depression and social issues on my own. All of this on top of having Asperger's. So, I always feel like I am catching up with my peers (socially) even though I am ahead in other areas.

I never socialized with many people outside of whatever school I was attending, and we moved around a lot. For twenty years or better, my family was quite literally my world. Outside response from people my age was almost always negative, and very few adults wanted anything to do with me either. I was beat up constantly by other kids, only to be told "if I didn't see it, it didn't happen" by the majority of my elders.

I still feel as if I'm learning how to become an adult. It does seem to be taking a while. Most of the time I feel as though I am faking it and just getting by, I don't think anyone notices this though.

I can pay my own way in life and I don't rely on anyone else to pick up the tab for me, so I suppose that is all that matters.

The hardest part of my life was when I was a teenager and everyone else grew up and I didn't. However, I did find people who were more on my level of maturity who were my age still.

I'm not saying that my life has been a bed of roses but I do feel as though I have been lucky, I can't really grumble to be honest.

Naturalist you are my doppleganger. I feel EXACTLY the same way. It does not get any easier and I quickly get overwhelmed by how much I have on my plate (wife, mother, employee, friend, self, sister, etc.). Sometimes I just can't take it. In fact today, once gain, a coworker of mine got mad at me and asked me when I was going to grow up? I told her that is true but I do not know if I will. Sighhhhh

Unfortunately, this can be so true.

As I wrote earlier in the thread, I literally couldn’t wait until my childhood was over. But, that was because I had thought that the social challenges I had when a child would magically go away, once I was an adult. That I would grow out of it. That others would treat me nicer (after all, other adults always treated me nicely).

It was when I attended college, at 18, that I realized the truth. That I would never fit in. That I would always be me on the outside, excluded. It led a very severe bout of depression and 4 years of therapy.

The therapy itself didn’t really help (as I remember the bulk of the sessions consisting of either dead silence or me listening to the Psychiatrist talk about stuff). Rather, it was accepting the fact that this was the way it will be.

I totally agree with you. I am finding that I keep making the same "mistakes" over and over again and that things really haven't changed. I pretty much have accepted the truth that this is the way it will be too.

i always had trouble

my sister didnt want to grow up but she did. i on the other hand was always forced into progressing. like potty training, drinking from a bottle, feeding myself, going to school, riding a bike, tying my shoes.

i was never ready to progress.

at the moment im still in a pause. im 16 but i act 13

Yes. It didn't matter that my I.Q. is high or that I went to a great college. In the end, my lack of social understanding hurt me, and there were many moments in my life in which I didn't understand why things weren't working out for me. It's been a painful life.

I don't know about your parents but mine simply weren't cut out for the task of parenting. Even an NT kid would have had a hard time with them. That aside, yes Aspergers is to blame for a lot of your difficulties. At least you KNOW you have it and can find out what adjustments to work on to make life somewhat easier. I didn't find out I had AS until adulthood and I wished I'd known by the time I was 10 if not earlier. My only saving grace in school was that I looked normal and could generally do the same things as the rest of the herd and much of my social clumsiness was usually dismissed. It still sucked bigtime and it would have been a helluva lot easier not having AS or at least knowing I had it and having some clue how to make some adjustments.
I wish you the best of luck.

When I was a child my parents expected perfection and anything less was disgraceful. It must be willful disobedience or just being lazy. I had a big vocabulary and so they were certain I could be just as good at everything else, if I would just try hard enough. They went on endlessly about how ashamed they were of me because of my performance in school. They even put me into a private school that used punishment and public ridicule to motivate underperforming children.