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zeldapsychology
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06 Dec 2013, 2:39 pm

Almost daily sometimes a few times a week there's some trait or quirk that comes up. Yes I've been on WP for years self diagnosed but actual diagnosis I don't know what to think now. :-( As you've seen from my many posts I have tons of traits that show up daily if not at least weekly that annoy my family. I annoy my dad with "Not being able to answer a question" Him: Are you getting in the pool? Me: No I have to do laundry first. He wants Yes/No. I give Yes/No then explain a situation. At times my geeky interest Who/videogames/Big Bang Theory are fine my family WISHES they were as OMG! fascinated by my interest and passion for them. Other times OMG! You cried over a video game character dying it's fake! Get over it! I can feel more shock and ah and sadness I KNOW over the 11th Doctor Dying on Christmas this year than any real life violence!! !!

Also not knowing when people are done talking and speaking then getting a "look" then I'm like oh you weren't done. I'm nearly 28! AND I STILL DON'T GET THESE "PAUSES" NT'S DO!! !! Sometimes I NEED to but in and speak or I quickly forget what I was going to say. It's important AT THAT MOMENT! Oh ya I wanted to say blank!! ! I don't like dirty looks I don't like these quirks and traits! I'm sick of the line "You don't know how to answer a question"


I'm logical and need specifics!! !! I LIKE specifics!! !! It drives me nuts!! !! :-( I PLAN EVERYTHING! First garbage then sweeping then eat lunch I have to VERBALLY SPEAK OUTLOUD what I plan to do 1 thing after another or I forget!! !! ! :-( It drives ME CRAZY! and I know at times my family!

I take out the trash but forget to put a bag back in the trash. Little things like that get to my family. :-(

I don't want to have THIS! Have all these traits and quirks MY WHOLE LIFE! :-(



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06 Dec 2013, 5:14 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
I annoy my dad with "Not being able to answer a question"


Is this an Aspie thing? I hate answering questions until I know all the facts. So, I respond to questions (of me) with more questions (to them). If it bothers people that I do this, then they probably will stop asking me questions.

zeldapsychology wrote:
Also not knowing when people are done talking and speaking then getting a "look" then I'm like oh you weren't done. I'm nearly 28! AND I STILL DON'T GET THESE "PAUSES" NT'S DO!! !!


I am not certain I get “pauses” either. I just figured people stop talking, once they run out of something to say. If, while talking, I feel the need to ask a question or insert a comment, I just do. It may be rude. But, it’s how I need to communicate. Otherwise, I won’t be able to effectively process the information.

zeldapsychology wrote:
I don't want to have THIS! Have all these traits and quirks MY WHOLE LIFE! :-(


I suggest you try to accept what you cannot change. And, change, what you think you can. I definitely suggest not fighting your natural proclivities.



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06 Dec 2013, 5:56 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
I don't want to have THIS! Have all these traits and quirks MY WHOLE LIFE! :-(


Being agitated about it isn't going to change anything. Take a chill pill. Perhaps Ativan would help.

If you have trouble remembering details like replacing the trash bag and you're tired of people having to get after you about it, I'd recommend carrying a Post It pad and a Sharpie around with you and writing yourself notes. Once you get in the routine of doing things a certain way, you'll remember it every time.



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06 Dec 2013, 6:03 pm

I remember when I got my diagnosis earlier this year I was in a state of distress to begin with. At 50 years old I had always told myself "tomorrow it will get better, or maybe next week - or even next year, but it will get better". To be told that it was never going to get better because I have a lifelong condition really shook my confidence and gave me quite the depression.

But I have come to terms with it now. I know it will never get better, but it won't get worse either (I've already been through the worst and survived). Accepting my condition and deciding that I'm okay with being me has really lifted that depression and given me the ability to move on.

Of course that is much easier at 50 than it would be at your age, because my life is already half done.

But the only way you will get through this is by giving yourself permission to be yourself. That doesn't mean just giving up and hiding behind your diagnosis, but accepting that being ASD does not make you any less of a person. Accept that there are some things you will never be good at, but don't be ashamed of those things. Do what you are good at, and let people know that you just cannot do the other things because you have a disorder.

The thing is you can't change the way that people think about you - but you can change the way you think about yourself :)


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06 Dec 2013, 6:06 pm

Would it even kill your family to remind you like putting in a new trash bag? I am sure after a while it will be sunk into your routine they won't have to remind you anymore.

I have noticed that people don't seem to like having to remind people to do things. I know everyone does this every now and then but some people tend to do it more often.

Is it really an aspie thing to forget to do things? I had this trouble at my old work and even writing it down never helped because I would forget to even look at the pad. My office clerk hating reminding me to deliver something to the guests and always made me feel bad about it. I will never understand why this is an issue for some people to have to remind someone to do it.


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grahamguitarman
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06 Dec 2013, 6:12 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Would it even kill your family to remind you like putting in a new trash bag? I am sure after a while it will be sunk into your routine they won't have to remind you anymore.

I have noticed that people don't seem to like having to remind people to do things. I know everyone does this every now and then but some people tend to do it more often.

Is it really an aspie thing to forget to do things? I had this trouble at my old work and even writing it down never helped because I would forget to even look at the pad. My office clerk hating reminding me to deliver something to the guests and always made me feel bad about it. I will never understand why this is an issue for some people to have to remind someone to do it.


Probably for the same reason that people hate to be asked to repeat themselves when you can't understand them. Being hard of hearing I get hostility all the time from people who dislike having to repeat themselves :( It's as if by needing those prompts or repeats you are being a burden to them?


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06 Dec 2013, 6:59 pm

grahamguitarman wrote:
Of course that is much easier at 50 than it would be at your age, because my life is already half done.


I am the same age (what Victor Hugo described as the "youth of old age"). I occasionally wonder how my life in my 20s, 30s, 40s would have been different had I known about this diagnosis. There were definitely life changing decisions I made, that looking back, I likely wouldn't have made (had I known otherwise).

I definitely feel for the OP. As I found growing up (and I include adulthood here) to be challenging.

Willard wrote:
If you have trouble remembering details like replacing the trash bag and you're tired of people having to get after you about it, I'd recommend carrying a Post It pad and a Sharpie around with you and writing yourself notes. Once you get in the routine of doing things a certain way, you'll remember it every time.


Great advice. I use lists all the time (almost obsessively), to help me. It's gotten to the point that I actually enjoy making the list and crossing things off.



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06 Dec 2013, 8:38 pm

Thinking before answering, wanting to be Logical . It is an aspie thing yes.

Forgetting things a lot. It is an executive function issue. There are a lot of reasons for a person to have executive function problems. Aspergers is one of them.

For very logical person that has to have things in order getting a diagnoses is getting maybe the most importing thing in order. It is natural that your mind and your intense emotions are racing in 20 different directions right now. There are things you have for 20+ years been bottling up. Getting the diagnoses is freeing them come to the surface. This process is scary for an ordered person but necessary. This will pass but now is the time to let what needs to happen, happen. We are here to help you pull through it.


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zeldapsychology
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06 Dec 2013, 9:18 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
Thinking before answering, wanting to be Logical . It is an aspie thing yes.

Forgetting things a lot. It is an executive function issue. There are a lot of reasons for a person to have executive function problems. Aspergers is one of them.

For very logical person that has to have things in order getting a diagnoses is getting maybe the most importing thing in order. It is natural that your mind and your intense emotions are racing in 20 different directions right now. There are things you have for 20+ years been bottling up. Getting the diagnoses is freeing them come to the surface. This process is scary for an ordered person but necessary. This will pass but now is the time to let what needs to happen, happen. We are here to help you pull through it.




Thank You. Still processing it all. I self diagnosed for years no problem but the odd thing is I didn't even MENTION Asperger's! The therapist did "Have you heard of Asperger's?" I said yes then starting explaining symptoms she went through the DSM etc. Just still in shock. Wish alcohol was ok to drink since after have a little bit I'm at peace. Not upset or stressed or depressed as I usually am. Also this lady none of this cure business. There's no cure,I'll probably have issues socializing the rest of my life,and HELL she even believes the whole neurological side!! !! ! She has also worked with Asperger's and believes a past boyfriend was on the spectrum. Yet overall don't know how I feel about this lady being so in-depth on info. about the spectrum. :-) She has Guide to Apserger's too!! !! Hopefully things get better. The therapy is for a year and more so if I need it. I'll keep WP updated on my progress. Again Thank You!



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06 Dec 2013, 9:41 pm

I have not accepted it yet. I got diagnosed a couple of years ago, after being self-diagnosed for 7 years. However, I get hope from finding solutions to specific problems. I am grateful for wrongplanet where we can share our knowledge. Also, there are self-help books that help. We can learn to function, but it is hard, and sometimes it is overwhelming. I hate it too. It's not fair.



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06 Dec 2013, 10:15 pm

I am not sure I can give you a proper answer to this because I am self-diagnosed, and will probably go no further than that. I know I'm only 6 years older than you are, but I just don't think I'm going to find an "official" diagnosis at my age. In this town, the mental health professionals are...hit-and-miss, let's just leave it at that.

The closest thing I have to a "diagnosis" is the fact that two of my Criminal Justice professors recognized it in me IMMEDIATELY, due to their knowing people who have AS (one a family member, the other a close friend). I suppose I could have asked one of my Psych professors (one is still at the university--the other retired after I took her course) but I'm still not sure if that would count.

So, best answer I can give from my own perspective: the self-diagnosis was somewhere in between "Aha!" and anticlimactic--it was like I was just confirming what I had "known" (without knowing the name for it) my entire life--everything just "fit." Having two people semi-confirm it also helped.

It didn't take too long for it to sink in for me, more like "Okay, now what?" Simply, I need to remind myself of my own limitations sometimes and stop berating myself for not being "perfect" (which is utterly impossible for everyone anyway, but that's another discussion). Socially, I will never understand certain things. I try, and I probably overanalyze things as a result, but that's part of how I cope. Will I ever be able to drive (part of my impairment is the Meniere's, of course--need to remember that too)? Maybe, maybe not. If anyone has a problem with that, I can't let that affect me. I haven't given up on the idea--I need to try at least once--but I won't berate myself if it doesn't work out.

And yes, I sometimes forget what I'm doing unless I REALLY keep my thoughts organized. Lately, I've been having a very hard time with that, so certain things haven't been done--I need to FORCE myself to focus, as hard as that can be.

There are days I accept it, days I still think I should be able to "overcome" everything associated with it, and...days when I feel just too exhausted to want to deal with anything. Doing the "social thing" at work...very draining.

The reality is: this is part of who I am. Period. There is no "cure", nor would I want there to be--I don't really want to change who I am. Improve in certain areas? Absolutely. That doesn't mean I can't still have AS. It confers certain strengths, too--when I CAN focus, it is absolute. I think I may get more enjoyment out of the "simpler" things in life than some others.

And yes--there are times when the sensory stuff drives me nuts--but I'm still here, so that's saying a lot on its own.

For now, let it sink in, and take advantage of what the therapist is offering. I'm glad you found a good one. :D


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06 Dec 2013, 11:43 pm

All of the prior posts express my thoughts better than I could, plus many more.

So I will just chime in to say thanks for sharing your experience. You have helped me take a fresh and helpful look at the issues I face. Best wishes.


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07 Dec 2013, 12:58 am

it is stressful after receiving a diagnoses weather you expected it or not, my diagnoses was unexpected and kept a secret from me for a few months before i was told by my dad. i was confused and was kinda lost, i expected to be treated differently after my diagnoses but that only came after everyone around me accepted my diagnoses as well


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07 Dec 2013, 1:15 am

grahamguitarman wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Would it even kill your family to remind you like putting in a new trash bag? I am sure after a while it will be sunk into your routine they won't have to remind you anymore.

I have noticed that people don't seem to like having to remind people to do things. I know everyone does this every now and then but some people tend to do it more often.

Is it really an aspie thing to forget to do things? I had this trouble at my old work and even writing it down never helped because I would forget to even look at the pad. My office clerk hating reminding me to deliver something to the guests and always made me feel bad about it. I will never understand why this is an issue for some people to have to remind someone to do it.


Probably for the same reason that people hate to be asked to repeat themselves when you can't understand them. Being hard of hearing I get hostility all the time from people who dislike having to repeat themselves :( It's as if by needing those prompts or repeats you are being a burden to them?



Have you told them you are hard of hearing?


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07 Dec 2013, 1:58 am

zeldapsychology wrote:
ASPartOfMe wrote:
Thinking before answering, wanting to be Logical . It is an aspie thing yes.

Forgetting things a lot. It is an executive function issue. There are a lot of reasons for a person to have executive function problems. Aspergers is one of them.

For very logical person that has to have things in order getting a diagnoses is getting maybe the most importing thing in order. It is natural that your mind and your intense emotions are racing in 20 different directions right now. There are things you have for 20+ years been bottling up. Getting the diagnoses is freeing them come to the surface. This process is scary for an ordered person but necessary. This will pass but now is the time to let what needs to happen, happen. We are here to help you pull through it.




Thank You. Still processing it all. I self diagnosed for years no problem but the odd thing is I didn't even MENTION Asperger's! The therapist did "Have you heard of Asperger's?" I said yes then starting explaining symptoms she went through the DSM etc. Just still in shock. Wish alcohol was ok to drink since after have a little bit I'm at peace. Not upset or stressed or depressed as I usually am. Also this lady none of this cure business. There's no cure,I'll probably have issues socializing the rest of my life,and HELL she even believes the whole neurological side!! !! ! She has also worked with Asperger's and believes a past boyfriend was on the spectrum. Yet overall don't know how I feel about this lady being so in-depth on info. about the spectrum. :-) She has Guide to Apserger's too!! !! Hopefully things get better. The therapy is for a year and more so if I need it. I'll keep WP updated on my progress. Again Thank You!


In a way you are finally home now after being a transient all this time. You have had so many struggles and setbacks getting to this place I guess it's natural to not quite believe it's real and be still be suspicious. I noticed you have been on Wrong Planet since 2008 so you have read stories of misdiagnoses and therapists that did not believe Aspergers existed or their client is lazy etc. Like any home there is an adjustment period and difficulties but that is for another day. Now is the time for processing what it means to be in a place you deserve and have earned.


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grahamguitarman
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07 Dec 2013, 4:06 am

League_Girl wrote:
grahamguitarman wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
Would it even kill your family to remind you like putting in a new trash bag? I am sure after a while it will be sunk into your routine they won't have to remind you anymore.

I have noticed that people don't seem to like having to remind people to do things. I know everyone does this every now and then but some people tend to do it more often.

Is it really an aspie thing to forget to do things? I had this trouble at my old work and even writing it down never helped because I would forget to even look at the pad. My office clerk hating reminding me to deliver something to the guests and always made me feel bad about it. I will never understand why this is an issue for some people to have to remind someone to do it.


Probably for the same reason that people hate to be asked to repeat themselves when you can't understand them. Being hard of hearing I get hostility all the time from people who dislike having to repeat themselves :( It's as if by needing those prompts or repeats you are being a burden to them?



Have you told them you are hard of hearing?


Yes, and in some cases they were very understanding, in others they still got impatient anyway - depends on the individual I guess. Mostly it's when I'm out in public that I get the most problems cause I'm dealing with people who don't know me, and it gets wearing having to tell strangers that you have problems lol.

I wish now that I had known I was autistic when I was in my last job. Maybe if I had been able to explain about my disability there could have been more accommodations and understanding from my co-workers, and I might have still been there!. Though one particular lady would still have been nasty, simply because she was nasty to everyone regardless (an equal opportunity hater?). My boss would certainly have been very understanding and accommodating :)

Anyway I'm hijacking this thread :oops:


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