my friend doesnt know he has autism

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hey everyone, when i was in the eighth grade in 2010, i went to the god awful school called evergreen, full of terrible kids who picked on anyone weird or poor, i just happened to be both, but there was another kid, his name was Mc'rae, hes a big metal head and a video game fanatic, we watched out for each other and made sure no one messed with us, when high school came, we went to different schools.

when i was diagnosed, i felt like i was alone, and i didn't quite understand my autism yet, so i sought out help and found an Autism Resource Centre in my area, and they let me join a Summer came for teens with high Function Autism and Aspergers Syndrome, they invited me to join their small group with was 3 boys and myself, and to my surprise i found Mc'rae there! we were both shocked to find each other there but had a good time, after the day was done, i told him "i didn't know you had autism Mc'rae" and he said "i dont have autism, im just here for the summer camp, my mom signed me up." which threw me off because why would his mom sign him up for summer camp for autistic kids if he's "not" autistic. besides, he seemed quite autistic to me... so i asked a counsler, "can someone who does not have autism join this camp?" and she replied "no, this is a haven for people with autism to join with others" and i am assuming Mc'rae is autistic, his mother just never told him.

this sunday theres a game night with the camp members, im excited but im still wondering, why wouldnt his mother tell him? and should i intervine?

No, I don't think you should intervene. Everyone comes to the realisation of their autism in their own time.

I also participated in camps and other education programs for my autism as a child but I would never have admitted that I had it. Half the time I never even realised that I was in the program for my autism, I just thought that the programs were open to anyone.

What good would intervening do? Can you think of any positives, I can't.

Hey, Zombie. Good question.

Don't intervene.

Your friend is a minor, so it's up to his parents to tell him about his autism, not you.

It's possible he knows and is in denial about accepting it, because he thinks it would mean there was something "wrong" with him.

It's also possible that he knows and just isn't comfortable admitting to it or talking about it, because he's afraid other people will think that it makes him "inferior" somehow.

In either case, maybe knowing that you're there because you're autistic and coping with it will make him feel better about his own condition. But if he's not ready to deal with it and you make an issue of it, it will likely destroy your friendship, so let him come to it in his own time.

It seems rather unlikely that his Mom could enroll him in a program exclusively for Autistic teens and he wouldn't even begin to suspect. I know we're prone to a bit of naivete, but that's stretching the imagination a little (unless his mom made up a story and lied to him and I hope that's not the case, 'cause that would be very, very hurtful when he figured it out).

Some parents don't tell their kids. I can see when they are little, but I have no idea why a parent wouldn't tell a teenager about his own medical condition. His mother may have told him but he doesn't believe it or doesn't want anyone else to know about it, or maybe it was downplayed so much that he basically forgot about it, which I imagine could happen if it's just mentioned once, casually, and then dropped. If he doesn't know then you telling him will basically create a big hassle with his parents getting mad, etc. There may be issues why he shouldn't be told, his parents may not know how to tell him about it, or they may just think that it somehow protects him if he doesn't know. I don't know why, but either way, just respect his parents decision to not tell him, or his own decision to deny it to you.

If he's at an Autism camp I'd say chances are pretty good that he knows but prefers to deny it because he doesn't fully accept himself as he is.

I can't really imagine a kid your age going to an Autism camp and not knowing he's on the spectrum. That's just.. not likely. I'd bet he just prefers to deny it.

As for not intervening.. that's a tough call. I'd say the answer is, "it depends." I've, "informed," someone that they're on the Autism spectrum (I wrote a lengthly letter) because this friend means a lot to me and they deserve to know. I say, "informed," because I know he hasn't read it yet, so while I made the decision to tell him he still isn't aware.. yet. There are others I see blatant traits in that I'd never bring the subject up with, so, it depends - on a lot of factors.

I'd say go with the majority in this thread and don't mention it to him. He probably already knows, and from your brief conversation with him he knows that you know, so if and when he wants to discuss it he'll bring it up. If he doesn't, just don't talk about it - or at least not about him - and only reference yourself if you're wanting to talk about anything Autism related and then if he wants to talk about himself he can do so.

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No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

Maybe he was misdiagnosed like I was.

On first reading, I thought leave this alone. But realizing you are probably 16 or 17, I think I would not say it directly, but neither does it seem right to censors anything you'd otherwise say about yourself or others. Doing so could be just as destructive as telling him you think and assume he is autistic. Because it would deny you both an important part of friendship that is deeper and more lasting, being able to be honest and open and still be accepted. Even being yourself. And that is just too hard to find to give up lightly.

Fortunately, there may be a middle ground. If there is a reunion, maybe there are staff you could ask about how you might best handle this who know both of you and can give you better advice based on that, as I don't think this is an easy situation. Or a one size fits all situation.