Not fitting in socially...

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No matter how hard you try...

Horrible night, I am told I am weird once again.

Do you have trouble fitting in socially no matter what you do?

I don't even understand why everyone thinks I am weird or that I have conditions. What conditions?

I don't get it, Im confused...

I give up, I can't be socially acceptable no matter what I do. I try so hard and its always wrong no matter what.

I don't speak enough
I speak too much
I am weird
I say odd things
I have too many conditions
I am eccentric, strange, odd, bizarre...

Why? Because I think differently?

People treat me like I am insane, drs say I am too aware/rational/reasonable...

Which is it, am I mad or not?

What the hell am i?

What weird things do I say please?

And why do people think I have conditions?

Maybe I should not try to fit in socially anymore?

I get scared with everyone insisting I am insane.

I do not understand why everyone thinks I am so mad. I don't do drugs or harm myself (person on the phone seemed to think I was into cutting..i never do this, I just hit my head when I get very upset over things), I do break the law, I do not lie in bed all day, I do not suffer from feelings of worthlessness, I do not beat myself up or hate myself, I eat a healthy diet, I exercise regularly, I drink once in a while but not every day or even every week (I have weeks where I drink and weeks where I don't), I don't break the law or hurt anyone.

I do talk to myself a lot.
I am told I am weird
I am ostracised by people for being weird
I am open about what I am thinking..I will express my thoughts...is this so wrong please?

Why is everyone treating me like I am an emotionless monster?

Am I being weird now?

Should I just go away and not socialise at all? I try but its always wrong no matter what I do...why ???????????

I don't even konw why.....why?????

It's funny, Bumble, I've always known I seemed weird or odd to others a lot of the time, I knew that my thought processes were different (I thought superior) to the way others considered things), but it's been specifically since my diagnosis, that I've really begun to appreciate just how differently others really are seeing me.

I've become gradually more hyper-aware of the subtle facial expressions people make when I express an opinion; at the momentary silences as others glance at each other before the conversation proceeds; the silent verbal sidesteps as they change the subject, as though I've said something that, if pursued, might lead to a fistfight.

I guess I sensed some of that before, sort of subconsciously, but now it makes me feel like I just stepped in a pile of dogsh*t.

The sense of alienation and being apart from the norm has always been a part of my life, but as I've come to understand how AS works and how it affects us, the mechanics of my own social disjunction has become much more obvious to me - not in any way that would give me tools to change it, it's just who I am - but it's been enlightening to get some sense of just how weird I actually seem to others and how blind I was to it for so many years.

Not particularly - you seem to me to have the same issues as almost everybody on WP. Which is to say, for an Aspie, you don't seem weird at all, but to the rest of the world, Aspies are decidedly weird.

That's why the sense of being stranded on the Wrong Planet is such a common feeling among those with High Functioning Autism - not only do we feel that way, we probably seem that way to the neurotypicals around us as well.

I think that accounts for everybody here at WP. Ether you can't fit in or if you can fit in, You find yourself being miserable trying.

Indeed.. I either talk to little, or talk to much. In school, people are like "why are you so quiet", and when I try to talk more, I just come off as uninteresting a boring.

I just taught myself to accept who I am. Even though I still want to fit in socially, I'm less likely to stress over it.

So what can i do or say that isnt' weird? Anything?

Is this weird..am I being weird now?

It's ok. I don't fit in either. You don't seem so weird to me. You seem to be to quite logical.

I can definitely relate to your frustration. I feel the exact same way every time I get rejected by someone socially. I assume it is my fault and that no one will ever love me or accept me or I feel like I ruined another relationship by being mean or thoughtless. I am often at a place emotionally where I think the solution is to interact with people as little as possible. Then I get suicidal thinking about 50 or 60 years of isolation and loneliness.

When people say you are weird, they are saying you don't act like a normal person and it makes them uncomfortable. I think the answer as to why people think you are weird is that you are autistic and cannot pick up on the social cues and the unwritten social rules. Even if you did, you wouldn't follow them because they don't make sense to you. You think differently.

The good news is that you can learn from your social mistakes. Also, not everyone considers being a weird person to be a felony offense punishable by death. Some people don't mind weird people. Some people even love weird people. I'm weird and people like me and even love me. I am the one that gets bent out of shape worrying that I will make a social mistake. Usually I don't, but when I do, I beat myself up unmercifully.

I'm sorry everything is going the way it is for you right now, but I think things will be get better for you. I also share your anger at how unfair it is that we have to struggle so hard and change who we are just to get by when other people don't have to struggle so hard to have social relationships.

Last edited by em_tsuj on 25 Dec 2013, 12:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's about hierarchy and there is always the unsuspecting person they've nominated to be at the bottom of their pecking disorder.

You know you've been placed to the lower end of the pecking disorder when:

You are criticized for everything.
You are put down and the others chime in instead of telling people to back off.
Nothing you do is right.
If you defend yourself, you are in the wrong.

It's a superiority over inflated sense of self worth person usually controlling the strings and all the others must side with that person over you.

I feel exactly the same as you do. I always eventually end up feeling like a freakish alien or something when I start associating with a group of people (such as work etc). I don't even know what about me is so weird/unattractive/ugly/unpleasant/detestable or whatever. A life time of feeling like this has gotten me into a habit of doubting myself all the time. But now I realize I shouldn't blame myself.

I've given up fitting in because by now I know it's not going to happen. I don't hate myself or want to kill myself. I'm quite happy with myself.

I don't think you should try hard to fit in. As long as you know you are a good person, that's good enough. If other people don't appreciate that, then they are not worth it. Your wondering if you are mad makes you sane, I think. Truly mad people don't question their sanity. I can often relate to your posts.

I don't think so. I think that posts like this are the reason why we are all here and why Alex created WrongPlanet.net.

I thought you just said in like 4 different new threads that you don't like people and don't care to have human friends nor to socialize so why post threads being all frustrated that you don't fit in socially? Either you want friends and you care, or you don't.. it's just a bit silly to declare both opposing points of view several times over in the same night. which is it? Posting both is.. weird.

I don't want lots of friends because I am not able to keep up with all the socialising it takes and then they end up feeling neglected and I end up feeling bad and everyone gets upset and they go do their upset thing and I go yell to myself and hit myself on the head and it just doesn't go well.

I wanted one or two close friends whom are understanding and whom don't keep trying to make me into something I am not (change me) and maybe a life partner. But in reality i can't even cope with that.

I become upset by social interactions. Yes I can get social anxiety and that can be difficult to over ride but more than that I just don't cope with other things such as always having company for example. I keep trying to slink away on my own so i can potter about doing my own thing and the other people get offended and think I don't like them anymore or that I am being asocial or rude.

Then I get the conversation wrong..I either talk ten to dozen about the same thing over and over or I am too quiet and take too long to respond to them so they become impatient with me.

Then I get accused of being odd, strange and weird all the time and they seem to think medicating me will correct that so people keep insisting I get antidepressants (not my drs, my drs said it's my choice). If I want to be by myself to recharge my energy levels instead of socialising when I have people in my life they insist it is just my depression making me feel that way and force me to social anyway which exhausts me further. It's like being tortured. Eventually i get so exhausted I can't function...all I can do is sleep for most of the next day or two and my brain just point blank refuses to deal with anything. If they push it further I start having my upsets again and hit myself on the head during them (I am going to give myself a concussion at this rate).

I want to socialise but the reality is that I can't....

I try to follow the timeless advice of ben franklin [ a very smart fellow] who said, "'tis better to keep silent and as a fool be thought, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."