Can't or won't?

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I just finished cleaning down my counters and sink (as well as the cutting board) in my kitchen. That seems to be the only thing I can do, but I'm proud of it.

I have trouble with everything else, though, so I wonder: Is this is an issue of can't or an issue of won't?

I find that whether one is capable of doing something is often more a matter of will power than ability (when you have AS)!

You can climb the highest mountain if you really wanted to - but you cannot empty the trash can if you do not want to. Motivation is everything (but of course the needed ability, but without motivation, no ability).

Last edited by qawer on 14 Jan 2014, 6:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sincerely good motivation! I am rarely motivated to be cleanly, so I see that as huge!

In terms of will vs won't: It's hard to gauge what you mean... Can you please be more specific about the things you won't or can't do and what it's like when you try to do them?

For me it's usually won't. Since it's among the easier messes to describe, my car is falling apart as a result of crazy friends, natural disasters and man-made disasters, in reverse order. It still works great, but it's not worth my effort to maintain aesthetically. Almost too damaged to wash! Luckily it's silver, to match the duct tape...

It's also ridiculously fast. This is all a matter of the path of least resistance. Despite all the zipties, my car clears lanes.

This morning I did my kitchen and bathroom. I really need to do my living room and I need to put a wash on.

With me it's a case of that I could do it but I just can't be arsed.

I'll do it tomorrow.

True AS people can (IMO) only find true motivation from one source:

Realization of their free will.

Forget about social status, that is for NTs.

Usually won't for me. I am fully capable of doing dishes or running errands but I don't because I get overwhelmed or caught up in my special interest. I get overwhelmed by the thought of something like errands or cleaning or cooking because I start thinking of all the steps that goes into them and then I'm like "wow, I'm overwhelmed by just the thought of the steps required, maybe I'll do it later when I'm less overwhelmed". And then I usually don't get to it. This is why I'm told I'm lazy. And maybe I am... I don't know.

I never been officially tested for Aspergers but, have been told by my psychiatrist that she thought I had Aspergers. I think I have NVLD but, I am able to get things done.
If I have a day off work I feel my day is wasted if I do not do something. I sometimes don't feel my days is filled till I vacuum, clean the bathroom, clean Dishes and take out the trash.
My wife on the other hand has Depression, Anxiety, Sleep Disorder and ADD and can't get things done and some time does things because she has to.

I never been officially tested for Aspergers but, have been told by my psychiatrist that she thought I had Aspergers. I think I have NVLD but, I am able to get things done.
If I have a day off work I feel my day is wasted if I do not do something. I sometimes don't feel my days is filled till I vacuum, clean the bathroom, clean Dishes and take out the trash.
My wife on the other hand has Depression, Anxiety, Sleep Disorder and ADD and can't get things done and some time does things because she has to.

Wow, you guys all sound like every NT who bullied and verbally abused me all my life, with empty catchphrases like "Can't never could!"

Like the inability to hit a baseball with a bat was just a matter of WILL, and if you kept at it, you could overcome your neurology and be the next Hank Aaron.

Autistic problems with mental focus and impaired Executive Function are not caused by laziness or stubbornness and cannot be magically "willed away." Spare me the greeting card motivational slogans, Yoda.

I think it's a bit of both. It's hard to explain but if I am not in the "mind" to do something I find that sometimes no matter how much I try or want to do it I simply cannot. Good job on doing the counters though. That is awesome!

I understand what you're saying Willard. I am told I'm lazy and there's times when I start to believe it because everyone is saying it. But at the end of the day I know the problem isn't laziness. My problem is with executive function. Although, I CAN be lazy too. I enjoy not getting up and just watching tv for hours, and in those moments, I'm lazy or as I say "de-stressing myself". But when it comes to me being involved with a task, I start to become flustered and overwhelmed and that my friend, isn't laziness.

I've learned to make cleaning a ritualistic / obsessive thing. Things have to go where they belong, and I have to follow my daily cleaning routines, or else it feels horribly wrong. Once you get into the habit, it feels familiar and comforting. And as an added bonus, you have a clean house!

Could that be an anxiety issue? That sounds like it to me because I always get that way in things and everyone else says it's no big deal but to me it is and I get told it's anxiety.

Sometimes I surprise myself by putting for extra effort to do something I know needs to be done, and I get it done much easier than I'd expected.

Part of it is trying to figure out just how to do it with the energy you sense you have available at the momment. Part of it is also struggling to not overthink it and just DO IT, whatever "it" is.

No, I'm not having major success with the problem. I'm just starting to figure it out , and I'm not convinced there aren't times you just CAN'T because the energy, mental or physical (or the ability to figure something out on "how to do it") really isn't there for some reason.

I'm not arguing against what points Willard made about Executive Functioning, but the fact I sometimes succeed when I just MAKE myself do something shows that you gotta fight this.

And then there are all the times I get NOTHING done, or come home from running errands for two hours and just plain CRASH, unable to think about doing anything, and don't wake up for three or four hours, just because I ran errands.

I also have had to do things and forcing myself to do it no matter how stressful it feels and then I realize it wasn't so bad after I get it done and why do I always have to make things hard for myself? I have also put things off to getting it done and not ever doing it and I know I should be working on it.