Accepting a pecking order in the workplace

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qawer
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27 Feb 2014, 5:34 pm

How does one, as an autistic believing in human equality, accept a pecking order in the workplace?

I get so f**king angry with people pecking on me. When they are higher than me in the pecking order I am supposed to just accept it and not give back. If I decide to give back, the group will gang up on me, and the bullying will escalate, making it even worse.

I cannot care about pecking people. So the basic problem is I do not care about the group in the workplace, I tend to get to hate them instead.

This is really a problem for my career prospects (and happiness).



Adamantium
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27 Feb 2014, 5:55 pm

I don't know.

I have been working in an office environment for more than twenty years, mostly with just one company, but these things are largely opaque to me.

What I have done is to establish strong competence in certain areas. People know that I speak with authority on those subjects. I am essentially a non-combatant in the power games that go on all the time, but everyone knows that I am very good in certain areas. If they challenge me, I can back them down without animosity by asserting my expertise and demonstrating it.

So I am established as a sort of powerful outsider. Not a pack follower.

I am respectful of authority at work, but I don't play the games of looking for favor or backing alliances. I do end-up in alliances of similar people, though. People seem to find it easy to talk with me (because I mostly listen) and then, when they have told me relatively personal things, they include me in their alliances. This is a case where being pleasant, polite and ethical seems to help a lot.

This is always surprising to the power game people, because they think I am weak when I don't play and then they find out that I am hard and protected when they their silliness against me.

The serious players tend to be OK with me because they see that I am not going to challenge them. They leave me alone unless they need something I can give them. That is OK by me, as long as they understand that when I give them something it is within the bounds of basic ethical conduct and not because I am somehow on their team.

Anyway, that has what has worked for me for several decades.



Marcia
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27 Feb 2014, 6:01 pm

What do you mean by "pecking"?



redrobin62
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27 Feb 2014, 6:02 pm

A pecking order implies there's a top chicken and a bottom chicken. In the jobs I've had I would say I was the bottom chicken. I never sucked up to the bosses, and as a matter of fact, avoided them altogether unless I really had something pressing to say. I avoided company weddings and parties, too. Safer, I think, for me to stay employed.



Rocket123
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27 Feb 2014, 10:29 pm

qawer wrote:
How does one, as an autistic believing in human equality, accept a pecking order in the workplace?

I get so f**king angry with people pecking on me. When they are higher than me in the pecking order I am supposed to just accept it and not give back. If I decide to give back, the group will gang up on me, and the bullying will escalate, making it even worse.

I cannot care about pecking people. So the basic problem is I do not care about the group in the workplace, I tend to get to hate them instead.

This is really a problem for my career prospects (and happiness).


This was one of the many things that I despised about the workplace. Particularly in those workplaces where those who are better at “playing the game”, rise higher in the pecking order. Such people are typically real pr*cks or b*tches.

It’s the primary reason I opted to become self-employed and take on contract jobs. Then, it’s simpler. Everyone I work with is my customer. I just try to understand what they need. And, do my best to help them. I get paid by the hour. As long as I get paid, I do whatever they want. Within reason.

Most importantly, they know I am an outsider. So, I am perceived as impartial. And, more importantly, not a political threat. Since I am not tied to any political faction, no one tries to bully me, based upon where in the organization I stand.

The only downside – um – finding new contract work. Which isn’t always easy. I can’t wait until this phase of my life (i.e. working) is over. Damn. I have said that same exact thing at every stage of my life. Sigh.



qawer
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28 Feb 2014, 12:11 pm

So the only way to solve it is to find workplaces where there is not too much emphasis on the pecking order?

That's all they did in my former workplace, pick on those below them in the work hierarchy.



ral31
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28 Feb 2014, 12:23 pm

I used the same method as I did in Jr. High. Make friends with a bigger/more powerful person and people tend to leave you alone.
At work I make a great second in command. I would find someone one tier above me that I could get along with and be their second. It doesn't take any butt kissing or deference, just make sure you do an exceptional job for them in particular and help them look good by passing ideas/comments up through them. They'll take you up the chain with them and much pecking will be avoided. All of your problems won't be fixed, but I found I didn't have to worry about the peckers nearly as much. :)


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28 Feb 2014, 1:15 pm

qawer wrote:
How does one, as an autistic believing in human equality, accept a pecking order in the workplace?



While I don't recognize social hierarchies, business hierarchies are necessary from a leadership perspective. In business, if I can't respect the person, I will respect the position.

Business hierarchies have nothing to do with human equality. It's about operational efficiency.

One exception I make to this is seniority. Workers should be rewarded according to their performance and abilities, not their length of service.



foxfield
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28 Feb 2014, 2:01 pm

Read this quote by Eckhart Tolle

Quote:
The ego says "I shouldn't have to suffer" and that thought makes you suffer so much more. It is a distortion of the truth, which is always paradoxical. The truth is you should say "yes" to suffering, before you can transcend it.



dianthus
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28 Feb 2014, 2:32 pm

qawer wrote:
So the only way to solve it is to find workplaces where there is not too much emphasis on the pecking order?


That's the only solution that I know of. I found a job where I work on my own, rarely see my co-workers and when I do we are pretty much on equal ground with each other.

Keep in mind, the more the job or the company structure encourages employees to be competitive with each other, the worse it will be. For instance if it's an hourly job, and hours are very limited, people may backstab each other to get more hours. If the pay structure is very restricted for people in lower positions, they may backstab each other to move up the ladder. If people can earn commissions or bonuses based on individual performance, they won't just focus on doing the best they can do individually, they may try to make other people look bad so they get more opportunities.

If the company is unstable in any way, especially if it is not thriving economically, resources will be more limited and the work environment will be hostile. Other companies are very stable and successful but they thrive off of exploiting people in the lowest positions.



Rocket123
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28 Feb 2014, 2:43 pm

qawer wrote:
So the only way to solve it is to find workplaces where there is not too much emphasis on the pecking order?


I would think you should strive to find a workplace that truly believes in meritocracy.

As a side note, about a year ago, I interviewed with a company for a tech position. The manager wore an outfit that was showing a lot of cleavage. I found it quite annoying. I figured, she must use this to gain power with others. The way she posed her questions reinforced the image of a school play yard. I walked out generally disgusted. I only mentioned this, as there can be overt signs of a pecking order early on.



Adamantium
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28 Feb 2014, 3:11 pm

foxfield wrote:
Read this quote by Eckhart Tolle

Quote:
The ego says "I shouldn't have to suffer" and that thought makes you suffer so much more. It is a distortion of the truth, which is always paradoxical. The truth is you should say "yes" to suffering, before you can transcend it.


Tolle is really full of it, isn't he?

What does transcend mean? What does this have to do with workplaces and working culture?