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linatet
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02 Mar 2014, 10:32 am

Yesterday was my birthday and it was a disaster.
To begin with besides my family few people remembered it. I went to my (best) friend's ranch and I was expecting some kind of surprise, but instead she had forgotten it.
There were 11 people in the ranch and I spent a tiring day socializing. Also I met two younger girls, the first one said I was "weird", the other one said I was "slow" (not because I seem dumb but because of my delay to understand what people mean. I wanted to answer something but I was too slow to think of something fast :lol:). Great (sarcasm). Children tend to be honest so what can I do?
I go to bed everyday at 10 o'clock and it was 10 o'clock and no one had sang me happy birthday yet. It was 11 o'clock when the happy birthday began. I was tired and sleepy and irritated, then lots of annoying things started to happen; this woman was taking lots of pictures of me which I hated, lots of insects were falling on my cake, I hated it, and everyone was looking at me including 4 people I didn't know, I hated it.
Then I had a (sort of) shutdown. They sang me happy birthday and celebrated and congratulated me and I was looking at the floor without reacting. Then I cried and went to my room to be alone and stim.
The next day (today) I am feeling awful. First because no one expects this kind of behavior from a 19 yo and they don't understand what happened and are asking me lots of questions, and second because they had made me this little party and my mom had made me this beautiful cake. It's like I didn't appreciate their efforts

any thoughts on my situation? what do you guys do on your bithdays? What do other people do for you on your birthdays? Also, any stories of birthday disasters?



Last edited by linatet on 03 Mar 2014, 9:15 am, edited 3 times in total.

The_Walrus
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02 Mar 2014, 10:46 am

It's my birthday next week.

I have asked that nobody get me anything, because I got too much for Christmas, but everyone gets offended by that. I ask that my present could be them swallowing their pride and getting me nothing, but nope, they'll end up getting me something I have no use for.

I'm also worried that we'll see repeat performances of previous years, and I'll be shepherded off to some restaurant that has nothing for me to eat, or else I'll be forced to stay up socialising until half eleven.



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02 Mar 2014, 11:45 am

Happy birthday! (and to you Walrus) Sorry yesterday was so awful, at least it's over now right?
Also some advice for the future, if you don't mind me saying.
Plan a party yourself, that way you have better control of, everything. Where it is, who comes, when in starts and ends, what you eat -personally I have to have some control of the last b/c I am gluten free, and picky!- this might help, a lot. Even if it will be a little stressful to plan it -you could try asking for help though- it would help -from my experience, usually- the day run smoother and calmer.
Hope you have a better day today!



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02 Mar 2014, 11:58 am

My birthdays and Christmases work because:
I have a small family,
my family are very considerate,
we have a very small group of friends who I know and we only expand very slowly,
we have set places we go i,e for Christmas, we go to a close friends ALWAYS,
I have a small group of friends,
on my birthday we always do the same thing - we go to a movie and then to a pizza express,
only sometimes do we have a trip afterwards, i.e thorpe park or go ape,
I always tell my parents what I want for my birthday i.e a contribution towards a computer,
I don't think I have ever had a birthday disaster because my family are awesomely prepared.

That's pretty much it.



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02 Mar 2014, 12:20 pm

Hey, my birthday was yesterday too! :)

I went to a friend's house for chicken parmesan. And I got a six pack of beer.

Your birthday sounded like a disaster. Insects on your cake? Celebrating at 11 at night? Nobody remembering? No wonder it wasn't enjoyable.

The closest thing I had to a birthday disaster was two years ago, when my sister showed up uninvited to my place, even though I didn't want her there. Then she proceeded to make it all about her, because she took the time off of work to come visit me. And she complained for three days about missing overtime from work. And one day she wanted to get her nails done while I waited in the car, after taking me to a bagel shop for lunch. Of course, after all of this I was the bad guy for not being very happy. My mother lit into me, since my sister was "so generous" for coming to visit me against my wishes. Of course she believed her over me.



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02 Mar 2014, 3:55 pm

Happy Birthday!!

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<BIG HUG>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


My birthdays are normally quiet affairs as I don't like too much fuss. If you want to give me a birthday that I like then take me to KFC and then on the way home buy me a piece of chocolate cake.


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02 Mar 2014, 4:23 pm

If they do not know you are autistic just say I can't function at all when it is past my bedtime. I have heard a lot of people explain bad reactions due to lack of functioning at certain time of the day. If they press say I was mentally past my birthday. If they do know you are autistic this is an opportunity for Autism Awareness by giving a somewhat detailed explanation of how it effects you.


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02 Mar 2014, 5:16 pm

Not to sure what's so special about birthdays. I think they are silly. What did I do to deserve a birthday? Why is the date of my birth so important every year. I think celebrating when I was born was enough. I say to myself congragulatons for another year older. Another year closer to death, or whatever. I hate being expected to call up people and say happy birthday, when I do say happy birthday it feels forced and lame. I don't want to surprise anyone on their birthday. Gaaaaah traditions are bizzare.

my point is don't worry about it. Birthdays were doomed to fail from the start.


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02 Mar 2014, 6:07 pm

Next year, a few weeks before your birthday, remind your friend that your birthday is coming up. And say you'd like to get together again but maybe a little earlier this time.

Also, this reminds me of a similar situation that happened a few years ago. My brother had recently gotten engaged just before my birthday. My mother wanted to combine a small engagement party with my birthday. I told her before hand that I would rather wait a week or two for my birthday party but she insisted it would be fine. The party ended up being held at my future sister-in-laws parent's house. So I was surrounded by a bunch of people who didn't know me and weren't there for me and didn't really care that it was my birthday. On top of it, my other sister-in-law was the only one who remembered it was my birthday. My mom bought a cake but it was from Meijer. She hates meijer cakes and has only gotten them last minute when she forgot to plan ahead. It was depressing. On top of it all having all those people in a small house was overwhelming from a sensory issue perspective. I came home from it and cried. It was awful. Though she did notice I was depressed and upset and took me out for dinner a week later.


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02 Mar 2014, 6:42 pm

The_Walrus wrote:
It's my birthday next week.

I have asked that nobody get me anything, because I got too much for Christmas, but everyone gets offended by that. I ask that my present could be them swallowing their pride and getting me nothing, but nope, they'll end up getting me something I have no use for.

I'm also worried that we'll see repeat performances of previous years, and I'll be shepherded off to some restaurant that has nothing for me to eat, or else I'll be forced to stay up socialising until half eleven.


I don't understand why people would be offended by you asking them not to get you anything; if it were me, I'd be relieved that I didn't have to spend money I didn't have while worrying about getting something the person I'm shopping for would like. The easiest way to avoid the restaurant problem is to specify precisely what you want, be it a quiet dinner at home or a specific restaurant that has food you'll actually enjoy. It's your birthday, you're allowed to be bossy. I do pretty much the same thing every year; Red Robin and chocolate pie with my family and maybe one friend, and it's always worked out fine. Happy birthday Walrus and linatet, hopefully things will go better this time/next year!


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02 Mar 2014, 6:51 pm

The birthday before my last one was weird, it was a surprise birthday and my dad invited people that I told him were my "friends" when really we didn't like each other at all. I had no idea why some of them were at my party, but it was awkward and I asked him not to do it again.


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03 Mar 2014, 12:17 am

The way you describe your party it sounds like they forgot and then realised what they did real late and tried to make up for it last minute or perhaps like it so often happens they simply used your birthday is a reason to party.



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03 Mar 2014, 12:33 am

Dreycrux wrote:
I say to myself congragulatons for another year older. Another year closer to death, or whatever.


Pretty close to what I tell myself: another year that I managed to avoid dropping dead. :lol:

I tend to be "Klingon-like" about mine--you STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION fans will get the following reference from "Parallels":

Quote:
"I know Klingons like to be alone on their birthdays. You probably want to meditate or hit yourself with a painstik or something."


Simply put: low-key to the point of not mentioning it and hoping no one else does either--I actually ask people not to say anything. If I want something, I buy it myself--easier that way for everyone, I think. I think over the past year, try to put any regrets to bed, and tell myself "I will accomplish such-and-such this year" (and sometimes it actually happens). Kind of like a personal "New Year's", more or less--very private.

If I can spend time with someone I care about, that's a good thing too. Otherwise, don't need to make a big deal out of it.


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linatet
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05 Mar 2014, 8:07 pm

Thanks everyone! I am feeling much better today.
I forgave my best friend because my birthday is the first of March and she had thought this year February had 29 days :lol:
The other day four more friends arrived at the ranch and it was cool: sleepover, games, swimming in the river and getting drunk at carnival.

Dreycrux and conundrum, birthdays for me are days when we are supposed to feel very special. It's Worth it because everyone else has an excuse to be emotional and caring and show you how much they love you. About the nearer to death thing, I feel it almost everyday at night, on birthdays too, but oh well what can we do? I am getting older and that's desperating, but I'd better not think of it too much or I go straight to existencial depression ("why would I get out of bed if I am going to die anyway and life doesn't make any sense?")

Quote:
The birthday before my last one was weird, it was a surprise birthday and my dad invited people that I told him were my "friends" when really we didn't like each other at all. I had no idea why some of them were at my party, but it was awkward and I asked him not to do it again.

I had a similar experience too, and that's why I hate being a host, it's so awkward. On my 18th birthday I invited some friends to a "party" but I did many things wrong and this friend was correcting me and rolling her eyes and it felt horrible. Never again.

Quote:
Also, this reminds me of a similar situation that happened a few years ago. My brother had recently gotten engaged just before my birthday. My mother wanted to combine a small engagement party with my birthday. I told her before hand that I would rather wait a week or two for my birthday party but she insisted it would be fine. The party ended up being held at my future sister-in-laws parent's house. So I was surrounded by a bunch of people who didn't know me and weren't there for me and didn't really care that it was my birthday. On top of it, my other sister-in-law was the only one who remembered it was my birthday. My mom bought a cake but it was from Meijer. She hates meijer cakes and has only gotten them last minute when she forgot to plan ahead. It was depressing. On top of it all having all those people in a small house was overwhelming from a sensory issue perspective. I came home from it and cried. It was awful. Though she did notice I was depressed and upset and took me out for dinner a week later.


Sounds awful!

Quote:
The closest thing I had to a birthday disaster was two years ago, when my sister showed up uninvited to my place, even though I didn't want her there. Then she proceeded to make it all about her, because she took the time off of work to come visit me. And she complained for three days about missing overtime from work. And one day she wanted to get her nails done while I waited in the car, after taking me to a bagel shop for lunch. Of course, after all of this I was the bad guy for not being very happy. My mother lit into me, since my sister was "so generous" for coming to visit me against my wishes. Of course she believed her over me.

This is awful too!

Quote:
If they do not know you are autistic just say I can't function at all when it is past my bedtime. I have heard a lot of people explain bad reactions due to lack of functioning at certain time of the day. If they press say I was mentally past my birthday. If they do know you are autistic this is an opportunity for Autism Awareness by giving a somewhat detailed explanation of how it effects you.

No one knows, but I think some people like my sister guess there is something about me. Other people probably think I am just weird or immature.
That's exactly it! I can't function past bedtime! I just didn't know how to say so thanks. Now it makes sense. And also from 4 to 5 pm but past 10 pm is much worse. I stop interacting and have bad reactions over smaller things.

Quote:
Plan a party yourself, that way you have better control of, everything. Where it is, who comes, when in starts and ends, what you eat -personally I have to have some control of the last b/c I am gluten free, and picky!- this might help, a lot. Even if it will be a little stressful to plan it -you could try asking for help though- it would help -from my experience, usually- the day run smoother and calmer.

Yeah I have some trouble with eating too because I don't eat meat and I have some weird eating rules like I don't eat anything that has touched cheese. I spent 4 days at my friends' ranch and was pretty hungry most of the time. Next time I am going to plan it better. Also I had lots of interaction so I haven't talked for two days now. I have to plan it better next time, and I will ask for the party to be in the afternoon not at night. Great tips.


Happy birthday walrus and mindslave! !
If anyone else that shows up wants to tell about their birthdays I am glad to listen



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05 Mar 2014, 9:19 pm

Glad you are feeling better now.

Above all else, IMO, your birthday should be about YOU--whatever you want to do (or don't) is what should matter. :)


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06 Mar 2014, 10:28 am

linatet wrote:
I go to bed everyday at 10 o'clock and it was 10 o'clock and no one had sang me happy birthday yet. It was 11 o'clock when the happy birthday began.


1. Happy belated birthday.

2. Don't feel bad at all. 11PM for a party is way too late UNLESS they know you are a night-owl. You should have gone to bed at 10PM as normal. That should have been the hint. Your mom (of all people) should have known it was too late to throw a party. More so, she should know how you would likely react to such a late event.