A letter I had received from my son's teacher

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"During block A, he seemed upset, got frustrated very easily and he needed a lot of support to participate in activities ( book discussions, generating adjectives and adverbs and accepting feedback, following instructions etc..).

During math he was very distracted and needed me right at the table with him to keep him focused ( even so, he brought in a bag of goo and needed to return it to his backpack...with some arguments and a
refusal to look at the page. When called to the carpet, Jayden refused to come.

It was a discussion that he needed to be there for as he was completing one part of his poster incorrectly. Many students misunderstood this particular part of the problem. Usually it takes a reminder for him to get to the carpet. This time he outright refused and started getting mad. He wasn't finished his poster ( as he was coloring the sections very darkly), however many students weren't done and there had been a countdown.

When asked again to come to the carpet he threw a chair and walked out. The chair didn't go very far and no one was nearby. When he got into the hall he broke down and started crying. Luckily, I had an educational assistant with me and she spent the next hour with Jayden. He calmed down, talked to her, and she even went to French with him because he was concerned about the other kids saying something to him about the chair. He was very quickly smiling and back to normal. I'm just letting you know all this because you mentioned that things might be tough for him right now."

He's not like this all the time but this is a great example of how our school system is like a box that we are trying to shove our children into.

That is unfortunate. There are so many students that they seem to operate as if all children are the same so that they can accomplish their mission. While I understand it may be difficult to treat each and every child as unique and have a more fluid style of education ... We simply don't put enough money into the education all children deserve.

He is doing a lot better at this new rural school with his amazing teacher, but this is what happens once in a while still. At his old school they would get him peaked up so high that he'd seriously lost his mind, I had to take him to the ER because he was ripping his hair out and screaming.

I'm not quite sure I understand the "box" to which you're referring; the teachers seemed to handle the situation well from what I read; what am I missing?

Your topics would be better received in the parenting section. I really don't want to be reminded of my school days.

I don't see the "box" either. The teacher is explaining what happened, because she feels it would be helpful, and your son is getting a lot of support and leeway. If my son threw a chair in class, I would certainly expect there to be some kind of consequence for him.

Last edited by Marcia on 05 Mar 2014, 4:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't get this either.
Sounds like the teacher giving a typical assessment of autistic behavior.
My parents have a library of teacher notes like that about me.

I had written more but it didn't post. The box is the system, the way children ate all taught the same way at the same pace. His teacher is fantastic and I encourage these letters.

He's in the midst of being diagnosed so these letters are very valuable. These fits used to occur almost daily at his old school but now he's in a rural school with smaller class sizes and more consistency.

The box is how the system expects a child to learn . My son is very intelligent but the way and pace of which he learns is not like his peers. They were trying to teach him fractions. He totally bombed a test on fractions. I sat down with him for 20 mins and taught him without symbols and whatever else the teacher was using and only numbers. He had it all figured out within 10mins... He went back and showed his teacher and she said it was "grade 8" work he was doing (with me) but then went ahead to ace his next test on fractions (same day).

The box is the idea "this is how it's going to be taught, when it's going to be taught, and this is how they will all learn"

His teacher is by far the most supportive he's had. But she can only do so much and at the end of the day has to follow the cirriculum.

My son snapped. We has super focused on an activity of interest to him and was made to stop. He snapped. So we should punish him even though he's embarrassed by his actions? Sounds like self punishment to me. Do you think that sitting down with him and making him talk about it and explaining how he "feels" is going to work? I can guarantee you that with him it will not , you would end up putting him into a full blown anxiety overload.

I had to take him to ER once because he was ripping his skin off his face and pulling his hair out after a vice principal tried to talk to him when he needed alone time (clearly needed it like in this case). The VP got within 6 inches of my sons face to "talk it out", he escalated my son so badly that we had to physically restrain him to get him out of the school and into the car or which I drove around for 20 mins and true to park a few times to let him relax and he still couldn't get back down from his peak.

The teacher knows this which is why he got "leeway". His teacher is amazing and actually researches ASD/aspergers so she can apply the best techniques possible with him and he's been doing amazing since starting at that school with her. Next year may not be so good.

And I posted this here because it's general aspergers talk, if you don't receive it well then don't comment?

My topics? This is my first topic about my son, ever.

Was in special school for autistic up to last year. Would never have been able to function in regular school system and method of teaching. Even now in public school (my choice) still need special ed. A smaller rural school is closer special ed, because the class is smaller which helps a lot.

One of the worst in school meltdowns I ever had was when I was super focused on something and made to stop.
I was suspended for two days, but that was considered a cooling off period. Sympathetic talk has always worked best with me.



Yeah, talking it out like that does not work, especially with someone like a VP. I do not like authority figures and they upset me. When i am having a meltdown the bast way to handle it is to leave me alone. After it is over, I will usually respond to gentle sympathetic soothing talk, from the right person; mom, dad, cousin, friend.



Am glad to hear the teacher understand asd better. I like talking to parents with asd kids to give an asd kid's point of view if they want to hear one. Just did not quite follow original post.
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It seems that you are replying at least partially to my comment above when I said, "I don't see the "box" either. The teacher is explaining what happened, because she feels it would be helpful, and your son is getting a lot of support and leeway. If my son threw a chair in class, I would certainly expect there to be some kind of consequence for him."

My son is now 12 years old and at High School. He was referred for assessment for autism when he was 5 years old, and diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 7 years old. Your and your son's experiences of the school system are not particularly uncommon, and I have first-hand experience of the type of situation you describe in this thread, and second-hand through my years on WP and other similar on-line groups, and meeting up with other parents of autistic children, and autistic teenagers and adults.

It's up to you how you guide your child through life, but I have preferred to let my son know that losing control, for whatever reason, will do him no favours in life. If my son had thrown a chair at school, I would have expected the school to have spoken to him about it, and I also would have discussed it with him. Quite apart from the fact that he could have hurt someone, or damaged something, I have always encouraged my son to think of the consequences of his action on his own life too. Self-control is a valuable skill, so is the ability to appreciate how one's actions affect others. I have pointed out to my son, more than once, that there are many people in prison who never learned how to control their actions.

Oh, and if people wish to comment, then they are free to do so. That you don't want to hear their opinions is really neither here nor there.

I see the "box" as that the teacher, while doing a good job overall, was still dealing with an autistic child as if he was a NT.

You can't use the same tool for every job.

You can't expect an autistic child to 100% conform to a system designed for NTs.

Are you sure this isn't my mother from the early 90s posting her memories? This sounds like you are describing me in elementary school, even down to the 'bombed fractions' and 'grade 8' work! The only difference when I snapped it was a crying fit and you can imagine how popular that made me! This brings back a lot of painful memories to me and like your son, I was fortunate enough to have a mother and teacher (at least in that particular year) that cared. I wanted to explore black holes, question whether Pluto was a planet (or if planet X was real) and to explore philosophical questions like if I lived a past life when I was that age and it was downright painful having to do such boring, meaningless work.

I remember there was one class that we were allowed to work at our own pace (Music). There were 6 books in total and while I was on book 6, one student was finished book 5 and the others were on book 2! That was a rare happy moment for me in school and I was even allowed to go into the advanced books! Believe it or not at that age that actually made me (relatively) popular as other kids looked up to me for inspiration. Didn't last though once Junior High started

Please read the remaining posts before commenting again. I certainly did answer your question regarding in the box.. Just not in the post you had quoted.

Please read the remaining posts before commenting again. I certainly did answer your question regarding in the box.. Just not in the post you had quoted.