Diagnosed and married to NT. First post.

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I am a 35 year old male, and was recently diagnosed with ASD. I've been to a few psychologists over the years and have been diagnosed with ADD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Social Anxiety. It was when I really opened up about my childhood and my personal life that my current doctor started to see that I am on the spectrum. I've never felt comfortable talking about myself in any type of setting. I finally opened up because I was at the end of my rope, and my relationship with my wife was suffering, and has suffered for some time. She is really confused as to why I prefer to be alone a lot of the time, and I don't communicate with her about what I'm feeling inside. We have a son, and she says I'm a great father, I think I am too. He's obsessed with cars and trucks (I was too) so we play a lot. I want to be the best father and husband I can be, but its hard. I'm so preoccupied with certain interests that I forget they are in the house with me. And if they make too much noise or distract me (which isn't hard to do) I often get very angry. For years before my son was born I drank heavily to deal with my anxiety and inner turmoil. I grew up with an alcoholic father who basically ignored me and was verbally abusive, as was my stepmother. I didn't want my son to grow up in this kind of setting, so I quit drinking all together, which obviously wasn't easy. My diagnosis has helped my wife to understand why I am the way I am, but I'm still afraid she's going to give up on me. Anyone else married? Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

I don't know a thing about marrage.
Welcome to the club anyway.

P.s. I also live in Harrison twp. MI

I would characterize my husband as BAP, so it might be a different scenario. He doesn't really relate to the depth of my issues, but gets the gist and does his best to support me. That attempt and recognition means so much to me since it's been absent so long.

I've been having some issues learning to balance the job/family/relationship trifecta. The support throughout many struggles is priceless.

Welcome to the club!

My husband is also BAP, possibly Asperger's (though he refuses to get officially diagnosed because he doesn't see the "big deal").

He's more high-functioning than me in many ways, so he gets upset a lot at me for random things. But he also has quirks I don't share, so I just put up with them.

I think you should just sit down with her, tell her how you feel, tell her you want to be a good father to your son, and to be open and honest with you about how she is feeling. Also make it clear that you are working hard to be the best husband and dad that you can be and that you don't mean to shut people out.

It's a lot easier said than done, so good luck!

Welcome to the forum.

You see problems, I see a guy that has cleaned up his act and spends time with his son. You should be proud!

I take it the crux of your post is this sentence

and as usually I proffer mostly worthless advice, other than I am still married after 20 years. I attribute it to a few things ....
- coming from parents that stayed married til death
- having the concept of "kids come first"
- finally grasping the idea of that if I try to win every argument, I am actually losing (be the rush that bends with the strong winds, not the oak tree)
- the book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, of which I occasionally follow

You could try this book. Maybe read it yourself and see if indeed it is true. I have not read this, but read the one which is the opposite "for MEN who are married to women with AS" and it was 100% true for me.

22 Things a Woman Must Know if She Loves a Man with Asperger's

Thank you for the replies ☺

Will she eventually leave you? Who can say? This is something I struggle with too. I was just recently diagnosed myself, and although I feel fine with it on my own (more than fine), sometimes I feel I've thrust this problem on him he never asked for. I do have this advice for you, however: gather your thoughts, write them down if you need to, and TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT THIS. I was so scared what mine would say, when it came to him filling out a report for my assessment, I couldn't look at what he had to say. When the neuropsychologist reviewed it with me, he had the same concerns I had. I had nothing to fear.

What I'm saying is be as open as you can with each other. Even tell her that you may need some reminding about it. I cannot tell you in enough words how much this helps.