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Joined: 5 Sep 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,197
Location: England, UK

20 Apr 2014, 3:55 pm

Lately I have been bombarded by friends wanting to meet-up, and it is just too much.
I'm Ok with a maximum of 2 friends, but any more and their texts and phonecalls are overwhelming.

People have told me "You are popular, and that is good" but it is just too much.

One of my former friends got "in a strop" as she said that now she has to make an appointment to see me. The thing is that she is right. When someone wants to meet I put it on my calendar, and it is an appointment.
I have to plan ahead, and that includes meeting up with "friends". So yes, they do have to make an appointment to see me.

I am trying my best to do more in my life, and now it includes bugle playing at a local band, football practice at a local club, and attending all sorts of social groups. My schedule is so full, and then I get a phonecall from a friend saying "can we meet up this ????". At the moment my schedule feels like utter chaos because it is ALL new.

We, the people on the Autistic Spectrum have a choice.
We can either try to "fit in" with the rest of society, or we can be so egocentric that we can't be bothered.
I choose the actor. I observe NT's. I listen to their socializing. I practice it, so in social situations I can just emulate/mimic what is expected.
It isn't natural for me, but it enables me to "fit in".
It is VERY tiring and draining, but at least we can appear like them even though it is an act. Like being on the stage.
They can't see it is emulation, and so we are accepted.

Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

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Joined: 25 Oct 2012
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 175
Location: Virginia, USA

20 Apr 2014, 7:26 pm

I feel this way frequently.

I can't say there are more than two or three friends I am "close" to, but I do have a number of individuals whose company I enjoy, who expect to meet up with me for one reason or another. Frequently, it's work related, but with a "friendship" element. The problem is, I feel like there are so many demands on my time from outsiders, and it wears on me very quickly. Others frequently claim to understand this when you explain that you really can't handle as much as everyone else, but they continue expecting you to be as engaged in their life as everyone else seems to be. (I think in some ways social media has made this worse, but that is another topic...)

I frequently feel as if I need to "back off" from some people, because they aren't giving me the space I need. But I haven't found an effective way to communicate this, except to say that I feel very stressed and have needed to cut back on commitments for the time being. Some people accept that...and others don't. But I tend to count the latter as their problem...