Aspergers and victim complex

Post Reply New Topic

I understand your viewpoint, and respect it mightily. You have obviously thought a lot of things through, and are quite an intelligent, even a poetic person. The "inability to hold a mature conversation" does not apply, in your case, to WRITTEN conversations. There's lots which you could potentially contribute, if you so desire.

I, however, feel uncomfortable spread-eagled on the ground. I am not as bright as you--though at times I could be just as poetic.

I would rather there be a way to distract the wolves below me away from the area--so I could continue to refine my tightrope-walking technique without interference from those who don't mind their own business. Let the wolves hunt for suitable food, and reaffirm their allegiance to their pack. My tightrope-walking technique is really none of their concern.

Vote botting? Wow. Am I wrong to assume he was on the spectrum? lol

not really. i just framed my opinion as i typed it. i do not usually concern myself with matters such as these, but the fellow before me posted a generalization about people with AS that i had to extricate myself from.

none of what i wrote rhymed as far as i can determine.

i rarely desire to engage in debate, and i rarely am inclined to participate in conversation that is structured.


i am not sure why you defer to my "intelligence" with regard to your not feeling comfortable "spread eagled". you do not know if i am brighter than you, and neither do i, but i am not "bright" to any exceptional degree. it has nothing to do with intelligence.

by "spread eagled on the ground", i meant that i was comfortable laying down on the floor of my simple existence (as differentiated from teetering precariously on the strings of a lofty social violin that plays no tune for me).

i find it difficult to process this metaphor.
the "wolves" are the very audience which the tightrope walker aims to walk above (in order to be seen as distinguished) . without them, there is no need for a tightrope.

very well.

You're poetic because you use metaphors, and understand metaphors. Not all poems have to be rhymed. Walt Whitman was a great poet, and hardly ever rhymed.

It's true, I can't really tell how "bright" you are. My impression is borne out of what you wrote. People form impressions all the time; it's the nature of people. Sometimes, they are not correct--therefore, the person making the impression must correct his/her self when presented with evidence that it is not correct.

The wolves, from my standpoint, are a representative of people who judge. If I want to walk a tightrope in life, it's none of their concern. I wish they'd mind their own business.

To you, the wolves mean something different. That's why we are individuals. We have different interpretations of things. My job is this dialogue is to be able to interpret your take correctly; I didn't, in this instance.

When I think of conversation, I rarely think of a debate. I think of communication between at least two people, most of it, hopefully, being of a friendly nature.

i use metaphors as a form of mental mnemonic which helps me internalise and encapsulate the notions i have associated with a concept. i do not use them with a "creative" motive. i do not understand metaphors i did not make up myself.
i have never heard of him. i have little time for poetry.

there is no need to explain yourself.

it is coincidental that you have also framed a mental concept that contains wolves as a component.
to me, a "tightrope" is an unnecessary inconvenience that involves some kind of punishment for failing to negotiate.

people are like social wolves who will devour those they see fall from tenuous pretenses in order to fortify their own position within the pack. life for some is like a catwalk that they wish to strut, and when they get there, they hobble about in an overzealous attempt to walk the same way that the others walk. why bother?

that is life in the big smoke.

that does not compute.


conversation for me is a chore. i am only interested to consider my point of view mostly.

I used to do this a lot myself. I don't know if I enjoyed it, exactly, but rather derived a perverse 'comfort' from it....it was all I knew, but there's another side of me that always liked work plus had a variety of interests and wanted to be capable, so as I focused more and more on that, then eventually a positive approach combined with a developing capability began to prevail more and more. There is no feeling more wonderful than being competent and knowing what one wants to do and needs to do and simply doing it. It does take practice.

I do not know about a victim complex, but looking at life from the perspective of selected negative details puts a bias toward perceiving things to (continue to) be happening this same way. Then when a community forms around that and tries to coddle these people, I think it can become a form of enabling rather than helping individuals to become able. There are people who need to tell someone what they have gone through, and listening may be what is required at this stage for them, but there are people at many different stages of development here, and in a big forum where various ideas about autism are being presented, then everyone cannot always conform to the standard of the needs of one particular segment.. There is no way to completely sort it all out by one idea set (except maybe to conform to the basic rules of etiquette which are already given here and which imo are interpreted/enforced highly subjectively) which is why there are so many threads and sections, and people can kind of select their topics and find out how and where they fit.

Ultimately you don't have to answer anything, but that doesn't mean you're correct, it just sends the message that you have no valid argument to stand on, and that you know it. You're own circumstances cannot be used as a template for how others on the spectrum should be viewed, nor how they should be able to cope with life's happenings.
Even still, as of yet (at the very least since I joined in on the topic), you have yet to put forth a valid example of someone who has a "victim complex", nor have you put forth a valid example of what a "victim complex" actually is. It's just a lot of puff and complaining about what you've supposedly read here on this forum.
Also, who are you to say that people would be happier if they follow your outlook and "remedied" your perceived problems with others here? You are not them, they are not you. You can't be so presumptuous to assume that you can tell other people what would make them happier in life.
I'm going to make an observation, you can either agree with me, or choose the obvious path and completely disagree like most people who don't like to face their own problems: You have a problem that a lot of people here don't; you see people discussing something that you've coped with already, and you see that they can't cope with it the way that you can, so you instantly think that means they're playing the "victim card". So in turn, you've chosen to complain about it here by making this topic and asserting that they should "get over it" and/or "just deal with life", and that they would be "happier" if they did, not realizing that doing so has made you a hypocrite, in that instead of "just dealing with it" and moving on, you've chosen to make a complaint about it and talk about what bothers you about it, which is precisely what everyone else here does with their topics, including topics that you've read about people dealing with bullying and such. Just because it doesn't affect you, doesn't mean that it doesn't affect them. No-one on this forum can ever be an example for others on the spectrum, we're all different, we deal with life differently, some can cope, others can't, that's the simple fact of life, not what you've been asserting here.

I think it depends on who you're going to school with, I myself am an aspie and I bullied some people through the years while I got bullied by others and the reason why I bullied was because I thought it was funny back then, today I'm not bullied except from sometimes receiving rude comments from an idiot I know IRL on Facebooklike that "I'm a bit gay and weird" when he himself is a swagf*g who writes the <3 symbol a lot, wore one-piece in his 20th birthday, likes Amy Diamond and he posted the song It's My Life of her on Facebook which has lyrics like "I'm not the girl I used to be" and cries a lot more over his exes than me, going out on socks when it rains and the ground is muddy and wet and posts an unbelieveably stupid vid of himself barely blowing the flame trying to be a firebreather while mumbling more sh*t than doing firebreathing and doing crappy drumming and guitar-playing without melody and songs to cover, the self-righteous d*ck seems to have some major issues he's a dork towards many and I doubt he will change because he's 22 and should have dropped his ways many years ago.

Everyone has rights which should be respected but nobody has the right to be respected. A persons actions, attitude, and personality are what earns them respect. There are some things that some people can't help and in those cases those things should simply be overlooked, but when someone refuses to even try (or try more than once, or try harder in some cases, as much as they actually can try) to make changes in themselves, and when they sit back and demand that everyone change everything to suit them rather than trying to at least meet people halfway or compromise, if it's possible for them to try to do that, then what exactly should they be respected for? Whether someone succeeds or not, trying deserves respect. Even trying to find a middle ground and compromise deserves respect. What doesn't get respected is the attitude that says "I don't have to change, I shouldn't have to try, I don't want to, you should change to accommodate me and I don't have to lift a finger to attempt to help myself because I have <insert whatever it is> and if you dare to expect me to change one bit of my special unique snowflake self, and if you don't appreciate me exactly the way I am and expect me to attempt anything that I'm the least bit uncomfortable with, you are a horrible ableist and should be sued and shunned for your opinion!" (See the post above you one wrong thoughts if you don't think it might come to that)

If you want your rights to be respected, expect them to be and demand that they are. If you want to be respected then be willing to try to change your ideas and expectations of what is acceptable, normal, status quo, expected, and appropriate to the same degree as you want the other person to be willing to change theirs. You may not be able to change anything about yours or about yourself, but a willingness to try to, and a willingness to find a compromise rather than insist that your feelings take precedence over everything else will earn you at least some respect to begin with, and it will go a long way towards making other people want to get to know you and like you rather than think you are a self centered, demanding, professional victim. (By "you" I don't mean you the poster, I mean the general "you". It's not directed at anyone)

Sometimes you also have to stand up for yourself and refuse to take disrespect, whether this is by verbal, written, legal or sometimes even physical means, whichever you are able to do feelings notwithstanding. It's not comfortable but unless you are truly unable to do anything or are incredibly spoiled or very, very rich and pampered (read spoiled ) you will have to deal with uncomfortable and unpleasant things in life.

I was bullied horribly in school. The kind of bullying that is relentless and done by everyone. Physical, emotional, you name it, I got it. It was pure hell. Should they have been this way? No. Were they? Yes. I changed some things about myself and I learned to stand up for myself and over time it stopped. I had to change a lot of things about myself to get dates. I had to change a lot of things about myself and learn to deal with situations that made me uncomfortable to get jobs. The discomfort lessened over time until it was gone. Thats because I toughened up. I grew a thicker skin. It's like feet. If you walk down the sidewalk barefoot, your feet will hurt. They will get blisters, they will get bruised, they will get prickles in them or cut. You do it every day though and the skin gets thicker and it doesn't hurt anymore. If they only way of getting from point a to point b is barefoot up a sidewalk you have two options. Don't go because it hurts or go anyway and know that it will eventually stop hurting. But if you choose not to walk more than a block and then give up, don't blame the sidewalk because you never got where you wanted to go.

Whether or not they have coping strategies that are built in doesn't matter. We can learn them. Also, not every NT has the same coping strategies. We don't have to either.

The way you explain it to NT's is pretty accurate in my opinion but to me the key to solving the problems isn't changing the cliff into stairs, it's in how we see it. We see it as so overwhelming that plenty of times we overlook footholds and ladders and ropes and lots of things, and sometimes if we step back and really look at it we will see that it's not so much a sheer cliff as it is just a long hill. It just seems like a cliff. Sometimes it is a cliff and we can't climb it. There are impossible things, but just because one is a cliff doesn't mean that the next one you run into may now have an elevator around the side.

If you could fix that "Jaden quote", I'd appreciate it, since I didn't say that. Thank you. I'm sure that was unintentional, just thought I'd bring it to your attention.

What? I just clicked "quote" and then wrote underneath the quoted part. Whats wrong with it? I would imagine it copied the post I was quoting exactly.

That may be, however the quote in question was not stated by me, it was stated by "waterfalls" on page 4.
They had something messed up in their post and that made you unknowingly misquote, showing me to be the one that said it, instead of waterfalls. Again, I'm sure that was unintentional, but I don't want people to be confused as to who said what. If you look back, you can see what happened.

...

Last edited by tall-p on 25 Apr 2014, 5:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't know how to fix it. I looked back and I see what you are talking about. However, I was up all night last night because I was at the hospital waiting on my mothers doctor because of a messed up DNR order in her chart which she wasn't supposed to have, she was out of her mind because of her medication, the pneumonia, the atrial fibrillation and the pleural effusion. Not only did I not sleep because of that (going on 38 hours now without sleep) I didn't get dinner because I didn't get to the hospital cafeteria in time, haven't had anything today except one sandwich since I got home. I had to clean up puppy poop all over the place and he's got worms again, I had to talk to two parts guys trying to find the one discontinued part for the car we just bought and could barely afford and now have to find $200 to fix it, talk on the phone to my mothers cable company to get her bill adjusted and get $70 credited back to her account because they didn't cancel the "free" channels, take my daughter to the ER for vomiting, and call the courthouse to find out about a court date to get new arrangements on my husbands find he got for hitting a dog that was in the road last year at his mothers house which has a leash law but was owned by a retired deputy and he's missed some payments since he lost his job in Feb and only just now got another one so we have until the 21st of may to pay 3k in restitution for vet bills, plus my power and water bills are due the first week of May and my husband has missed work at the new job due to the car breaking down twice since we got it and the fact that since last week we have been called to the hospital about 4 times because the nurses thought my mother was dying, but luckily she didn't. And I'm about out of cigarettes and the store closes in 20 mins and thats not enough time for me to walk there.

I'm really, really tired. I cannot process how to fix a quote on a thread in a subforum so it looks nice and people will be sure to know which thing you said so they don't have to scroll back and read it themselves, if they even notice it, which I don't think most will. Also, I can't go to bed until my mothers new doctor calls me this evening because she's been transferred to a hospital in the city which is 30 minutes away by car (which we don't have fixed yet) and I have to talk to him to give verbal permission over the phone for a central line and a broncoscopy.

I'm sorry about your quote. The only thing I can do right now is to simply suggest you don't stress too much over it.

It's cool, I wasn't stressed too much, I just figured it might confuse people (though by our exchange I'm sure they can figure it out lol). Thanks anyway, it's not a huge deal or anything. I hope you get some sleep, it sounds like you've been doing a lot of stuff lately.