Aspergers and victim complex

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Can't we all just get along?

No, it is not more common than I think. Statistical data presented indicates it is as common as I think.

You're not a statistical trend, and neither is your sister. No single person is a statistical trend. You are of course free to disagree with the part that you bolded in my post but in doing so you are factually wrong. The fact of the matter is that statistically, autistic children are more likely to experience harsh bullying.



This is called anecdotal evidence. Finding NTs who were bullied as harshly as or more harshly than autistic people does not mean that NTs are as likely or more likely to be harshly bullied than autistic people.

I never claimed that only autistic children are bullied. I claimed quite the opposite, but I pointed out that an autistic child is more likely to experience severe bullying than an NT child. I posted links that support this statement later in the thread.

You can categorize children to be on the spectrum and not on the spectrum. This is done by diagnosing children with autism spectrum disorder, autism, Asperger Syndrome, PDD-NOS, etc. That is one of the many things those diagnoses mean.



So, is the takeaway here that you do not know what the word "evidence" means?

The links I posted discuss evidence that does in fact suggest that being on the spectrum results in a higher likelihood of being bullied. You seem to be unclear on what this means. You are correct that children are bullied for many reasons. You do not seem to want to accept the fact that being on the spectrum is a fairly high risk for being bullied.

Literally no one said there are only two categories of children.



Fat hatred coupled with a complete lack of understanding of how losing weight works. You can be thin and unhealthy. You can be fat and healthy. It's mainly prejudice about body weight and superficial standards of appearance that places moral weight on a fat person's choice to eat certain kinds of foods as compared to a thin person's. You're indulging in "prejudice" rather than science, and it shows.

Last edited by Verdandi on 24 Apr 2014, 4:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

The examples that you've given have nothing to do with "being a victim", nor have I seen people here attribute having dealt with any of those examples with being a "victim". We are all obviously at a huge disadvantage compared to the general public because of AS, denying that serves no purpose aside from deluding ourselves and keeping us from adapting to the situation. Without adapting ourselves to cope with life, we leave ourselves open to becoming a victim, but again, none of the examples you've given have anything to do with victimization (with the exception of possibly being bullied, if severe enough).

I'm not going to answer this again, read my post up there.

I'm not going to answer this again, read my post up there.

I stand by what I said, even if it is worded poorly. There are a lot of people who put across victim complexes. They would be happier if they remedied it.

It isn't that it's poorly worded. The thought is wrong.

There is a tiny bit of truth in it: the idea that people would be better of making the most of whatever their circumstances may be. But the rest is blaming the victim for noticing that they are being victimized.

I usually see this error applied to dark skinned people who notice skin prejudice. They are told that voicing their perceptions is creating a problem where none exists. The argument is wrong in both cases.

It is undeniably true that making the most of your lot and accentuating the positive is likely to result in better outcomes. It is also true that autistic people are treated badly because of their differences. Denying this won't make it better.

Do you have a proposal for remedying it? For most people, certainly for me, the remedy for feeling victimized is being treated with respect, since it counters the problem of being victimized. But that requires a change in the world that is only possible occasionally, by a few people. Overall, there is a lot of bullying and victimizing that goes on, and toward a lot of people. Especially people with ASDs, but toward many, many people. It might be interesting though to discuss possible solutions, even if they are only fantasy.

I ask myself the same thing.
I think that, generally, it's hard to put your diagnosis aside (whatever it may be, I'm not meaning just Asperger's) and accept that some things that happen in life are not caused by it.
I see it even with my NT classmates that ask me about disorders because they think I know much about them.
"I am good at all subject except math... Kiara, may it be that I have ADHD?"
No, they just aren't good at math because it's in their nature.
"My relationships don't last more than a few months... May it be borderline?"
No, they're just teens and it's normal at that age to have relationships that don't last long; it's an exception if one lasts more than a year.
"I am nerdy, I hate sports and am a little shy... Kiara, maybe I have Asperger's?"
No, being "a little shy" doesn't mean you have Asperger's, nor hating sports does. Some people with AS like sports and/or practice them; not all people with Asperger's are shy and not all shy people have Asperger's.
The only fact that they ask me instead of asking a real psychiatrist makes you understand they don't know anything about the disorders they think they have. They are just people who want to explain their problems with a disorder while the cause is just their personalities/life or that just want to have an excuse for their behaviour.
I agree that those things happen to NTs just as much as they happen to people with Asperger's. Actually, some of the things you listed never happened to me/heppened to me not as much as they happened to NTs I know.


Half of the NTs I know got bullied way more than I did.
My father is not NT and he was never bullied.
People who get bullied the most are the "geeky", "nerdy", "weird" ones, NTs or not. Most autistics happen to look "nerdy" or "weird" and this is why they get bullied.


My mother ("common" NT) never dated until she was 21, that's when she met my father who has been her only boyfriend and then husband.


Almost all the people in my class have them and they're all NTs. I don't have them.


Jacob (NT classmate of mine) was turned down a lot of times.

I think pretty much every human being has the "victim complex" to a certain extent. Some have it more, some have it less or almost not at all. BUt we're all humans.

To the OP I have used this forum to make positive change in my life and discussing my problems here has been very helpful.

I have say this thread does not feel helpful regardless of your intentions.

Yes, but NTs have built-in coping strategies for the evils of life that we do not, so we are unfairly disadvantaged. Therefore it is correct to feel a victim complex - a victim of a disability that denies having us at least the same chances that an NT would have when faced with the same problems.

The way I always explain it to NTs is that for each of life's problems, NTs face a set of stairs that with some effort they can climb whereas we see a steep sheer impenetrable cliff face with no footholds towering over us.

most people tend to blame their "differences from expectation" instead of their "methods of approach" for their lot in life

edited to add quotes to make the sentence legible.

Last edited by b9 on 24 Apr 2014, 7:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

I haven't posted on this thread yet, but after reading it I now feel bullied...

"we" is a sweeping term to use. it is curious that you feel so isolated, and yet you talk on behalf of all people with AS.
your generalizations about NT's are similarly ill considered in my opinion. what are the "evils of life" ? how are they "evil" if NT's have a built in method of coping with them? are they only "evil" with respect to people who have AS?

are all disadvantages unfair? how can fairness be considered with respect to nature? nature does not have anything to do with fairness or deservedness which are both constructs of cognition. as they say "it is just the way the cookie crumbles".



"victims" have already been vanquished. one is not a victim if one survives, despite how hard their fight for survival is.

i have autism to quite a considerable degree. i am not able to carry on a mature conversation with anyone for long. i do not see the seriousness in the world that so many others feel snagged and trapped by. i can not understand why people agonize over things that do not exist except for within their heads.

the wind blows, the sun shines, the trees rustle, the birds twitter and life rolls by without getting hung up on convoluted self images and other vortices of futile concern.

i have never been a victim of anything because i have just flowed with what life lays before me, and i do not believe that there is some ultimate measure of "fairness" involved at all.



speak for yourself i suggest.
i would not bother to climb a ladder to social status even if i saw one. as far as i am concerned i am quite happy on the ground. there is nothing up there for me.

in my opinion, the higher they climb, the farther they fall, and the more their fear of falling.
i like laying spread eagled on the ground more than tip toeing on a tightrope with the wolves of disapproval howling below.