My ex-boyfriend is crazy

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I was just talking to my ex-boyfriend today. I was ranting about school and he mentioned that people don't treat disabled people well enough.

I told him that I don't really consider myself disabled anymore. He just laughed at me and said that I'm autistic. I told him that I don't consider myself autistic anymore. He laughed even harder.

I told him that no diagnosis is 100% accurate. He agreed with me but pointed out my social problems. I just told him that I'm a socially isolated nerd. He said that 70% of nerds are autistic. I told him that's a bunch of bs.

He disagreed. He said that all those nerds are good at what they do because of focus. I told him that I have no focus and ADHD.

He said that "Us ret*ds need to stick together," I told him that I just need to get into the real world.

Getting into the real world is sticking together. Sticking together with people who can actually interpret it...

If you mean calling himself a 'ret*d' then yes-thats kinda 'crazy'.

But he seemed sane during the rest of the conversation. I can see why he was laughing at the "crazy" things that the other person was saying.

I had a denial phase too when I was younger, and I deeply regret it. If you've been diagnosed autistic, and you match the symptoms, then there's really nothing wrong with admitting to yourself that you are. If you don't match the symptoms, then you may want to talk to a psychologist to get re-assessed. Whatever the case may be, I hope you can get this all figured out. Going through an identity crisis sucks.

I think I pretty much agree with DevilKisses. If there is no available help for a particular set of Autistic symptoms, then there is nothing much to be gained by wearing the label. We just have to cope in any way we can. We also have to avoid using the label as an excuse rather than a reason.

I don't mind going through this "identity crisis". I actually feel way more free to be who I am. I was mainly diagnosed because I had behavioral issues and my family was poor. My mom exaggerated my symptoms and I ended up with an autism diagnosis. My mom only accepted that diagnosis because of services, not accuracy. I'm not completely NT, I do have ADHD, anxiety and a bit of OCD. I'm also a bit of a nerd, but that's because my dad's raised me a nerd. Being raised a nerd did make me socially isolated along with believing I was autistic.

When you are in school, the label is probably quite important because of the services it can bring. After that though...

You just have to deal with the traits. There won't be any services unless you "require ver substantial support" and sometimes not even then. In adult life almost no one will care.

If your traits make you stand out from most people, you are likely to be socially excluded and become isolated. If you have executive functioning problems, you are likely to find many aspects of independent living challenging.

As you face these challenges almost no one will care. They won't care about your situation. They won't care about you. They will not be interested in your diagnosis.

I did not have the diagnosis for 48 years, the only people who ever hinted at a diagnosis were other people with ASDs who observed me at work. They tried to tell me and I was unready to hear it so I did not. But the thing is I had the traits, things I thought of as idiosyncratic and personal but that set me apart.

Some people would tell me "you're not normal" or variations on that and I knew they were right but I thought that was about my being an individual, not something to do with some label

Now I understand that my unique quirks are part of this bigger pattern called autism. But that is the full impact of the label 99.9% of the time. The diagnosis does it create the traits and their consequences. It goes the other way around.

If you were misdiagnosed and are really NT, then the social communication problems and restricted interests and repetitive behaviors will not be a problem. Congratulations! Things will be easy for you. If you live without the impact of the traits, it should be easy to get undiagnosed, if that's important to you

The label won't either make the traits or take them away.

I'm glad you washed your hands of him, seems like an extremely negative influence.

He isn't crazy going by that, just a massive jerk and a defeatist. Keep doing what you're doing and trying to be happy. You are not "ret*d", even if he thinks he is. Let him be ret*d on his own. There are better plans for you.

My ex is crazy too, but in a different way. He's in prison in Mississippi and going to get lethally injected cause the dumbass shot this guy and killed him who was living with them and then shot at his wife, who was one of my friends from high school. She had a breakdown afterwards, but she's ok now, she's back with her original high school bf and doing great.

Ex's can be as*holes and they are ex's for a reason. Don't let him get to you.

I find that a very astute comment and I agree with the practical side of what you said, but I don't see a desire to reject a label as a reason to deny one's autistic traits. My self-awareness (such as I have) provides a check on my behavior (to some extent). If the label autism feels restrictive, then drop it, but that doesn't change history. Only positive action can change the future, and tendencies don't usually just disappear overnight because of people wishing that they would.

I like the idea of 'self-awareness' much more than I like the idea of 'self-diagnosis'. The search for an understanding of the Autistic Spectrum is not dissimilar to the search for an understanding of Dementia (for example). The difference is that many people on the spectrum are extremely able to play a useful part in the search for their own enlightenment.

Is it your ex who is crazy, or is it you?

If we knew you as well as he does, and we heard you claim that you're 'no longer autistic" we might laugh too.

Or not. Depends.

I know its expensive, but you oughta get reassessed. Drop the other shoe already and get this over with. Find out if you're autistic or not.

I sometimes think that I don't lack "abilities" as much as I lack "aptitude" or that I just don't tend to notice and retain the same things as NT people. I can often empathize with other people whom I consider reasonable, for example. When I try to empathize with people I consider unreasonable, I tend to get distracted by analyzing their behavior. I sometimes remember the names of interesting people, but rarely people who don't make much of an impression on me.

So, I clearly have the capacity to do a lot of NT things, but I don't automatically do them. Believing that I can and choosing to work on it consistently seems to bridge that gap. That said, I don't want to spend all my mental energy empathizing with jerks and remembering the names of dull people.

My mom said both my ex's were crazy.

My ex-boyfriend didn't actually know me that well. That is part of the reason why he broke up with me. I never attracted to him, so I didn't gave him that much affection. I only entered the relationship because I wanted to prove to myself that I like guys and I wanted the social benefits of having a boyfriend. I know that sounds crazy, but I was fourteen. Aren't all fourteen year olds a bit crazy?

Well I started dating my girlfriend when I was 14, but we aren't together anymore, so maybe...

People can often say things they don't intend. My neurotypical friends know I'm autistic and there are some things that they can't understand. I'm assuming your ex is neurotypical, so...