things people taught me about myself

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i always had kind of limited self-awareness. i knew that i was different from other people, but i couldn't really examine myself from the outside to compare myself with those around me. i was the invisible center of my consciousness, and everyone else was phenomena that flitted across the outside of of consciousness. most people are excessively polite, but i learned a lot when people would tell me something about myself.

things people told me about myself that i learned from:

"you're a cowboy" - best friend
"you're a cat" - girlfriend
"you're harmless" - intimidating woman, coworker briefly
"you're an as**ole" - dad
"you're mean and i hate you" - girl who had a crush on me in jr high
"you're a ret*d" - dad
"are you ret*d or something?" - random girl in high school
"where are you from? eastern europe, right?" - a customer at a sales job i had
"i thought you were german" - random girl who had a crush on me in college.
"you're not what i expected from your emails" - some girl i met on a singles site back in the mid-90s, when that kind of thing was new and interesting.
"you're like someone on acid. it's like you're on acid all the time" - guy i was friendly with in high school
"i could tell it was you (from a distance) because of the way you walk" - best friend
"people say you walk funny but you walk normal enough" - girl i was friendly with in college
"you should get a job where you don't have to interact with people" - best friend, in high school when i was worrying about what to do with my life
"you're really awesome, but you don't let people see that" - same best friend
"when did you realize you weren't like other people?" - different girl i was friendly with in college
"nobody could ever really love you, and i feel sorry for the girl you trick into marrying you" - mom
"i hate you for making me fall in love with you" - first serious girlfriend
"your mom was right" - last serious girlfriend, referencing above comment

You make me laugh, you seem like a nice person. Some of those things they said was pretty mean. Your parents seem really resentful of you not living up to their expectations. Did your parents not trust you?

That one by your mom was mean. Prove her wrong! A lot of them were funny though.

Here's a few I've heard about me, good and bad, that made me go "hmmm". I agree with most of them:



"You're one of the most interesting and smartest people I've ever met, but you have no self confidence. I had to talk you into being friends with me because you had no idea why I'd choose to talk to you." - Friend
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"You don't need to do drugs because it's like you're on them all the time anyway." - Friend, arguing with me about her approval of drug use.
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"You're ethereal, it's like you're not even a person. You're just this floating brain with no connection to reality. I don't know how you make it through life." - Relative
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"You are incredibly judgmental and that's why no one likes you." - Mom
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"It's like you're mentally twelve. All you want to do is read and daydream and you have no interest in adult things. Get a grip. " - Dad
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"You're so earnest and innocent it's hard to believe you're for real. Have you ever lied to someone?" - Friend
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"You need to find a quiet, shy, laid back guy that doesn't mind you running him into the ground. You are SO controlling." - Dad
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"You're completely tactless and cruel."
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"You are an unbelievably good person who could never hurt anyone. The world is too harsh for you." - Friend
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Who knows what the truth is?!

You think too much!-good friend

You're funny and you don't even try- sister

My gosh, you're an idiot- person from school who i head butted with for a while in 10th grade

That girl smart!-random person walking down the school hallway

You're on drugs, right?-carpool driver

You need to think of other people's feelings...-mother

All you do is stand in corners and watch other people's lives- slight friend

You've taught me to look beyond a person's appearance- good friend

You need to get angry! come on, b****!-good friend who was just joking around with me

You're too quiet-multiple people...one day i'm going to lose it and tell that person f'off.

You inherited the evil genes of your father's mother (my mother, all throughout my life)
You'll never marry (a friend)
You're wonderful, just too blunt (a friend)
Don't apologize, it's your character and you can't do anything to make me like you. (a friend)


Those are a few of the worst I can remember.

"You talk like a robot" - sister
"You always speak in monotone" - co-worker
"You sound like you're from up north" - acquaintance
"You've been weird all your life." - friend
"You're just so much fun to pick on" - sister
"You're too quiet." - friend
"If there is anyone in the world who could truly benefit from living in a bubble, it would be you." - friend

Your parents seem like real winners.

"Appears to be on drugs all the time, even when sober," should be in the DSM as a joke even though it isn't, but it is. I get that all the time.

"You must be an alien because you're so smart!" ~Friend's mom (jokingly, of course. It actually seems sort of mean when written down, but it in the situation it wasn't)
"You were dropped off by aliens as baby." ~Dad (This one was meant as a joke, but it upset me because I was seven)
"You're too quiet," ~Everyone
"You look like Elton John." ~People at high school, also homeless drunks on the corner across the street from the bus terminal.

So people have taught me that I'm a borderline mute, super intellegent, extra-terrestrial being, who looks like a male pop-star from the 70s...

Don't listen to your dad adverb, he sounds ignorant.

I am told that:

-I'm too quiet
-I speak too softly
-I can get kind of defensive
-I'm smart
-I'm weird/different
-My friends told me that they used to be afraid of me because
-I often look very unapproachable
-But once you actually get to know me I'm a very nice person
-I'm pretty
-I need to grow up
-I'm a loner
-And my friend used to think I was gothic for some reason.

And alot more that I can't remember. So yeah, I guess some good mixed in with some bad.