Diagnosis/labelling - good or bad (UK focused)

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Hello everyone. I am a 48 year old woman wondering if getting a diagnosis will help me in the workforce or will stigmatize me.

This is my story. (Long, sorry.)

I have some autistic tendencies, I guess, but I am not sure whether I could be defined as autistic. For example, I am very introverted, my only friend is my husband. On the other hand, I'm not the stereotypical autistic person - the thought of collecting something, for example bores me to death. I'm not really that detail oriented, either.

I lived in the United States most of my life, and I've always done well at work because I work hard and I'm very intelligent. I've been promoted over and over. I'm not social - I avoided the office Christmas party and going out after work with colleagues, and was told I should improve on that - but because my work performance was so good, it didn't really matter.

Then, was I was 39, I moved to the UK to marry a British man, and everything work-related changed.

I got a job as a temp with a large company, which was changed to permanent. I was there for about three years, and then I started having problems. I had health problems and was taking time off, which was causing me stress and increasing health problems. One of the things, I think, that stressed me was that there was much more of a focus on getting along with people and fitting in. For example, in the US, if I stayed late after work, I was complemented for being such a hard worker. In the UK, it was a problem because I didn't want to go with the pub with everyone else.

Once, I was involved with a focus group exercise (marketing job), and when the exercise was over, there was a dinner in which people from the company and focus group people (average people off the street) shared tables. I was told off afterward by my manager because apparently I made the focus group people uncomfortable. I honestly don't know what I did wrong. I didn't make any offensive comments, or anything like that.

Eventually, I had to leave the job for my stress. Since then, I have not been able to get a job because I cannot get past the interview. (The only interview I ever passed in the UK was the one for the above job. I was already working as a temp and they wanted me anyway; it was just a formality.)

I have a good CV and get calls for interviews, but it seems that as soon as I walk into the interview room, the interviewer takes one look at me and doesn't want me. I have been doing freelance writing, but it is very difficult for me to make enough money this way. I really need a steady job. (It's hard to believe how much more money I was earning when I was in the US, with the same antisocial personality. I have gone from having lots of savings and enough money to buy whatever I want to having no savings and living off credit cards and overdrafts because right now I am bringing in less than UK minimum wage.I It is depressing; people my age are thinking about living off their retirement savings and all my savings are gone; I'm just stressing from day to day about how I am going to pay my bills.)

I contacted an autism organisation in the UK, and they told me I could ask my GP if I could be tested for autism. Assuming the GP would refer me for testing, if I got a positive diagnosis would it help me or hurt me? Would it stigmatise me and keep me from getting jobs, or would it mean that because I am disabled, the interview would have to be conducted in a different way, and I couldn't be judged on my body language, facial expression or whatever it is I'm doing wrong.

I am not interested in getting benefits. Not working depresses me. When I was in my late teens, I was hospitalized for major depression. The way I got over it was by working, which made me feel useful and confident. I even stopped taking my medicine so that I could have energy to work full time. In fact, I worked full time from when I was 18 until I had this problem in my 40s, with a couple of months off when it wasn't legal for me to work in the UK.

Don't know if diagnosis is a waste of time, or what I am doing wrong. (I know how to dress for an interview, answer the questions, etc. There is just something about my looks/mannerisms that puts people off, and I don't know what that is.)

Is it worth it to ask for a diagnosis?

Edit: My husband has issues of his own that I won't get into.

Sorry to hear of the difficulties you have experienced. You do sound ASD to me - welcome to WP.

I think that a diagnosis for use in the workplace is a risk. The risk is that they will respond to you as a diagnosis, not a person, and that you don't know how they view autistic people - there is so much prejudice. If you make a mistake, for example, they won't think of it as a flaw in their training, but as stemming from your "disability". And when you need a new job, and ask them for a reference, they may give a verbal one to a prospective employer that isn't fabourable to you. So it may make things harder still to find a job.

Perhaps the best plan is to educate yourself, in the first place, as much as you can. I and a lot of other people here found Tony Attwood's book (A Complete Guide to..) very helpful and WP can offer a lot of support and information too.

Good luck!

Thanks. Now I know not to waste my time looking for a diagnosis. I don't like labelling myself, to be honest. I'd rather just learn how to cope.

Willow - welcome to the site (I'm fairly new on here myself).

It is a characteristic of adult ASD that people struggle alone for ages, and only seek help after they have come to their own research-based conclusion that their difficulties seem to fit into the Autistic Spectrum. The normal procedure with any perceived health problem is to go to a doctor first, and then begin to research into whatever diagnosis the doctor offers. I can tell you from my own experience that doctors do not react very well to the idea that a patient will come into the surgery in search of a confirmation of a self-diagnosis of ASD.

I would be interested to find out if any UK doctor has ever been the first to mention the possibility of ASD....

Your most pressing problem seems to be concerned with job interviews. I understand that you don't wish to claim benefits, but the JobCentres are supposed do do everything possible to get people into work, and I don't see why that shouldn't include advice on interview techniques. And even if the JobCentre can or will not help, then I'm sure that there are commercial organisations which will offer the training you need. I reckon that might be a more useful way to spend a few hundred pounds than seeking a private diagnosis of ASD.

I know I am sounding cynical, but when I have been to agencies, I've done practice interviews and they always tell me I do well. Interview training seems to be focused on answering the questions, which I can do, or basic things like what to wear.

My problem is that I have spent many years in relatively high paying management positions (managing things and processes more than people), so if can't get a simple entry-level type job (like call centre, working in a shop, office assistant) because I'm overqualified (and middle-aged) but I can't get a management role because I don't act or look right for the interview.

Most of the interview training here seems to be geared toward the call centre type jobs which I can't get because I'm overqualified.

It is still so strange to me that I had such a different experience in the UK vs the US. In the US, I was always respected and treated as an intelligent person - the one people went to for advice because I knew so much about so many things. As I said, I was frequently rewarded and promoted. In my UK job, toward the end I was treated like I was intellectually deficient and was relegated to things like plotting points on graphs (Graduated with a 4.0 GPA, Phi Beta Kappa). If I stayed late at work in the US to perfect a project, I was commended for my dedication and for working hard to do such a job. When I did the same in the UK, I was told off for having bad time management skills. It's as though here in the UK, if you aren't outgoing and sociable, it's assumed that you have a low level of intelligence. I never encountered this in the US at all, even though Americans are stereotypically seen as much more extroverted. (I also don't like drinking; alcohol makes me feel like crap, which is a problem here in the UK as well.)

Willow - I think I can understand your frustration. But, if you are 'obviously' a senior management type of person, then that may be the reason why interviewers immediately rule you out from their lower-level jobs. Maybe you need to look for employment agencies which operate at a higher level than the big high street names. I would repeat my suggestion that it might be worth spending a few hundred pounds with an advisor who will have the skills and experience to tailor his/her advice to your own individual needs (including your autism-related concerns).

Thanks. I will think about it. I hope I didn't come off as snooty. I will work anywhere, but with the lower level jobs, I can't even get an interview, even with a CV in which my higher level accomplishments are removed. No one wants to hire someone with 25 years full time business experience as a cashier. I was turned down for a job at Tesco, just on the basis of my online application, so no personality issues involved. That's just how it is. Right now I am trying to earn more money as a self-employed person.

Not Snooty at all! But the job situation in the UK is dire at the moment, and some areas are worse hit than others.

I have done several of those online job applications, and I always got turned down. I reckon the tests are pretty good at picking out the people who are not team players. When shopping at Tesco, I am frequently amazed that everybody seems to know each others' names....

Self-employment is a good answer for an Aspie, but the marketing side of the business is not always easy.

Have you considered Voluntary Work? It can very often lead to paid employment...

At least I am getting paid something. It's amazing I how get great feedback from my remote clients - they all think I'm brilliant - but I get treated like I'm a different person when it comes to a 9 to 5 in person job. Too bad my clients are small business owners and can't afford to pay me that much. The last two interviews I remember - I got a remote job offer the day after the first one and incredible positive feedback from a remote client a few days after the next one.

Another issue is that because I work for myself, if I spend time that isn't financially productive (e.g. going on a job interview that isn't going to lead to anything) I actually lose money. I don't have "holiday time" or "sick time".

Agency work is ideal for me I find. The inconstancy can be a little annoying but the fact is I make my own terms. If im feeling fragile I can avoid work for however long I please. I also value the independence and the opportunity to learn new skills in a whole range of different sectors. At the moment im actually a qualified care assistant which helps. Agency work is great for aspies because workplace politics are not nearly as relevant.

I hasten to add that as a full time gig it might not be ideal unless you are with many different agencies. I do agency work while studying which is utterly brilliant

Getting a diagnosis (in my middle forties) was a positive for me. My boss and my employer were very accomodating and it helped me with certain situations in my workplace.

My company accomodated my aspie needs by finding me a cubicle in a quieter location, turning off the fluorescent lights above my head and giving me an incandescent desklamp, and my boss changed his manner of communication with me - more one-on-one and less emotional.

I'm Canadian and work for a federally regulated private company that places a high value on diversity and the accomodation of the disabled in the workplace. I'm the senior manager of an engineering team at my company.

I think each employer and workplace is probably different in how it will respond to an employee who shares an autism spectrum diagnosis.

Just out of interest, did you involve your employer in the process of getting diagnosed as an Aspie, or did you go through the process completely independently, and then present the diagnosis as a fait accompli?

Prior to the diagnosis, were your employers and/or colleagues aware that you were having problems? Did they sometimes have to make allowances for some of your behaviours?

In other words, was it necessary for you to get a formal diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome in order to get your employer to consider your individual needs? How did you cope before your diagnosis? What was the reaction of the rest of the engineering team when you moved into special measures?

I pursued my diagnosis independently and brought it in after diagnosed.

I was having some communication issues in the workplace prior to, especially with my boss. My diagnosis wasn't necessary to get them to accomodate me but helped them to understand better and adjust. One of my collegues has a daughter who works with autistic children.

My collegues and team were quite accomodating and accepting of my diagnosis - I had been working here for over five years when I was diagnosed and while "odd" I was treated as one of the group.

As you are finding out, moving to another country no matter what your neurology is hard. Everybody going to a pub after work is a noticeable difference but there are subtle differences. Moving to England can fool you because as the expression goes "two countries separated by a common language". If your neurology is Aspergers (it's still an official diagnosis in the UK) any change is so much harder and the subtle differences that is much less likely to be noticed.

The overtime difference might be generational. When I was in my 20's during the 1980s in New York City staying overtime was competitive especially for computer programmers. Doing that kept me in jobs where most others had superior skills and personalities. Saying this person "is just here to punch the clock" was the ultimate criticism of a fellow employee. If you had to leave at 5PM you had the whole office looking at you strangely. Everybody stayed to 8 or even 9 several times a week. If there was a deadline you stayed until midnight and on occasion all night and into the next day. Fast foreword 3 decades and my career is a mess so I went to several job coaches, job hunting classes etc. I was told numerous times not to mention that I stayed overtime because employers would look down on me because they would think I could not finish in time.