Am I a Narcissist

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Sorry for an obnoxiously generic title, I'm just not sure what I wanted to say.

I guess to start off this question smoothly I want to ask if this is normal. One issue I have (and I think this is related to Asperger's syndrome) is not being able to properly gauge how I appear to others. As a result I have some issues which I am often unaware of like poor hygene (I try my best, but sometimes I am just not aware), excessive speech and even insults. Sometimes I have no idea I have hurt someones feelings, and its not that I lack empathy because I can feel the pain that another person feels when insulted, too much so to be honest, but I just don't know how it will effect them until I've said it. As a result of this issue itself, I feel like I am unable to tell if I am just an egotistical narcissist looking for supply or if I am just a socially confused person.

My issues stem from a constant desire for attention and approval. I wish so much to be autonomous, but I find that I can only live my life happily if I imagine others looking at me. It is disgusting and it is not how I want to live, but I'm just not sure how to reverse this. I am confused by this: When I was younger I went through a phase of almost complete isolation for 4 months and I loved it. I felt like I was weathering it better than anyone, and that I didn't need people. I then became depressed, then I got with people and the depression went away. Fast forward about a year, now I feel like I need people and attention constantly. I constantly imagine myself being judged positively by others in any way or shape possible. For example: I imagine one of my friends parents telling them that I am very extroverted and confident or very shy and quiet, doesn't matter which, I just want some sort of external recognition.

Excluding all of this, I have GAINED a fear of myself on the inside. I wish to avoid being on my own so I pretend that other people are watching me and admiring some quality of me. Disgusting I know. And I'm even unable to tell if this post is just for attention or if I generally need help (which I believe I do) because I simply cant tell when I want attention or when I want actual help. This whole situation makes me feel horrible to be completely honest.

And another thing, I am an ass. Like a spoilt child. I am loud obnoxious arrogant egotistical and aggressive and I put on a fake personality to make people like me, which completely disgusts me. I also become enraged when my persona is challenged in any way, and I become EXTREMELY hurt when someone tells me I have some sort of flaw, even though I know I do obviously. I desperately want to change but I find I cannot go without this attention, I become almost desperate for attention. Before you say I'm a narcissist, I cannot say for CERTAIN that I have always been like this but it's certainly become more noticeable and I'm just wondering if I can return to being a recluse. I do enjoy helping people (unlike many severe narcissists) but I'm worried that I do that for attention and expect a positive response from the people I help. This is just horrible, I've degenerated into my worst fear, and I feel nothing without thinking about how I can show off to others.

Some examples include listening to music, I will only enjoy it if I know someone else will compliment my taste. I even have cried while watching sad videos, and the only way I truly cry is if I think about how someone else will see me crying and view me in a certain, more positive (as in they think I am an empathetic person) way.

But essentially that's all I can organize right now. Any constructive responses are appreciated, specifically on how I can reenter isolation without fearing myself and needing the constant approval of others or pretending there is some "divine spectator" above me. The reason I'm am posting this here is because I believe that either this is caused by some problem that is being caused by Asperger's (Not Asperger's itself) or it is worsening my Asperger's symptoms. I am not a troll and you may view me like that if you like but I generally want help and if you are in any way offended by this post you do not have to reply. Thanks for reading if you did and I really appreciate it.

If you confused to rather or not you're a narcissist you're probably not a narcissist.

I was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder but I never agreed with it. It became clear to me that I definitely don't have it after watching the following youtube video:
https://youtu.be/IOc3aL0wBi8
And also, if you worry about being narcissistic or not, you're probably not, like another person commented earlier...

So enjoy your new, more positive, view of yourself!

I think you are a narcissist... But not full on Narcissistic Personality Disorder yet...I mean you are still self aware and that is a good thing...bad thing is your starting to hurt people which needs to be controlled... Ok I'm not a pro at this but when you start hurting people that is where you should draw the line...if you can sincerely apologize to person that you've hurt then i think you must start doing it...I'm cool with all the attention seeking behaviour... As long as nobody needs to suffer for it...

As other people have said, your questioning suggests you're not a narcissist.

It does sound like you suffer from low self esteem and that can result in all sorts of behaviours and attitudes, including a need for approval. It could also explain your tendency to insult others.

However, low self esteem may be a reason but it's not an excuse. You seem self-aware to the extent you recognise there are things about yourself you'd like to change and that's the first step.

You might want to consider counselling to work through the issues you've described.

Other than that, you sound like you're being really hard on yourself. Try to practice a little self-kindness. It's not disgusting to want attention, it just means there's probably a few things you need to work on. I doubt you're a bad person.

Who, am I kidding I'm probably a narcissist but I don't hurt people at least, not on purpose. I have no self-awareness. So, I might only think highly of myself and am not self-aware that is like 2 maybe 3 traits. you have to have 6 traits to get diagnosed. Though since some of those are unclear, because off being autistic. It could be anywhere from 1-3. I'm more Egotistic than, I'm narcissistic. Maybe a compensatory Narcissist. though. He doesn't seem like a narcissist. To get properly diagnosed you need. Though the environmental causes are there. So 3/10 depending on rather you count that the one is there but no present. Therefore I probably do have npd. Though. A more Minor type. That only compensates for lack of self-esteem.

I also thought narcissist (but was afraid to even reply lol) when you wrote that about yourself. Yes I think you can have both. I don't see why an aspie wouldn't have it. But it doesn't mean you have NPD. NPD is a mental illness that makes it hard for you to function in society while narcissists can still function well in it. But the good thing is you are self aware and if you are so concerned about your personality, I would go to therapy for it. Self awareness is always good because it means you will do something about it and not let you get that far to a point it becomes a disorder.

We're all narcissist to a certain degree... I've already stated this on the personality disorder poll forum that a healthy dose of narcissism is actually vital for building self confidence... It's only when we start hurting other people that's when our narcissism is getting out of hand...

Some people are more narcissist than others just like how some people are rude while everyone else is only rude sometimes. I do think everyone displays narcissism from time to time. My mom will gaslight me but she only does it in certain situations and she doesn't do it all the time.

I'm a covert narcissist personally, it protects me from complete lack of esteem, shame, and inadequacy.

This is a neurotypical view on your issues.

You are both. As all people are, to a certain degree. The difference lies really in a lack of empathy. You dont lack affective empathy, but the cognitive empathy to see IN ADVANCE what your outbreaks provoke in other people. You lack the empathy to see YOUR OWN emotions rising and your BAD motivations behind your insults. This lack of cognitive empathy is or leads to "emotional regulation" problems, which many people on the spectrum have. Some people on the spectrum manage better by observing more their body reactions (heart beat, transpiration etc.) Emometers are used in therapy. You could also ask friends and family members to tell you, when they think you are getting a little upset. Others have good experineces with writing down, or expressing themselves in whatever artistic way. Performing and acting is also a good way to get more aware of one s own and other emotions at play. After all this is what neurotypic children do a lot when they play as toddlers and kids.



I think you are absolutely right that there is a strong link between depression and narcissism.



Kids are said to go through a egocentric stage in their cognitive development where they refer everything going on around them to themselves (read Jean Piaget). You are mainly just going through that period. Remember: you have a "pervasive developmental disorder". It is actually an advance compared to before, because you are taking more into account the other peoples perspective, even if not appropriately yet. You neednt feel bad about wanting to be perceived as a good person, or constantly imagining what others might think if they would see you. This is normal. Normally you should reach a stage though where you depend less on the opinion of others. But for ASD people the way to this is longer and bears more risks. So there is the risk of a narcissistic derailment. But it is not that high either. Might be enough if you tell yourself, when you want others to appreciate your taste in music, that this is quite stupid, and a little childish.



I think that there is some bigger ambivalence at play here: On the one hand side, you have a wish to excersice yourself in role play (good), on the other hand you are afraid of inauthenticity and insincerity (bad). Role play in itself is a good thing, only by trying out different personae you can grow your own personality and become an authentic person. As an adult you have to find ways to do it in a non-manipulative way. So in a performance scenary. Cosplay, real life action games, computer games, art. Caution others that you sometimes might fool around and just play someone that you are not(cosutmes?). The latter in small dosis only, try to stay in a playful mood. It should be always or at least most of the time be clear to yourself and to others that you are doing "as if" .

Cut on this. In particular on arrogance and aggression. Like all bad behavior, narcissim has a lot to do with bad habits. Take your time to question your behavior retrospectively in a concrete way (so why exatcly did I do that in this situation, what good, what bad motivations were behind, try to recall and phrase your emotional and mind state. Confessions manuals for catholics (also for kids) might be of some help here.


This is bad. And only partly due to the emotional regulation problems mentioned above. Some therapy might help here. I guess there is something in your childhood that has made you more vulnerable to criticism, finding out more about it, should make it easier to react in a more normal way.

It is not horrible to want a positive response. The problem is when you want to get as much attention you can get, or when you react badly, if the positive reaction or the attention is denied. Could you give one or two examples of out of proportion reactions of yours in this respect?



I lack advise here. Maybe you could try being more around with strangers and having only little encounters with people, so that you cant blow yourself up that much. Something like sitting in a coffee bar or in the library and just reacting a little bit to people: greeting, smiling, saying single sentences here and there, helping out a little.

Your "divine spectator" has a lot do to with what Freud called "superego". BWT Freud was on the spectrum, too.

Very interesting post. Thanks for this.

I appreciate the responses very much. I think I misjudged myself and I was wondering if THIS is a part of Aspergers (Confusing internal signals for things they are not). I make this mistake all too often, sometimes resulting in hypochondria like symptoms. I act this way with negative remorse but I'm just unclear of how to fix it, and when unprovoked I do not act like this. Essentially when left alone I don't see myself in any light, I just see something I find interesting for reason. When in public places or with other people, I feel like I bubble up with frustration and especially confusion on the behavior of other (anyone else) around me. I'm extremely irritable basically.

Have you also been diagnosed with OCD?

I'm just curious.... Do you actually seek out people to punish them for not playing along with your game or intentionally create scenarios where you can put people down just to feel good about yourself....? Because most of us have those short comings that you've mention...but I've dealt with them through my interests....all those negative things fades into insignificance once you've started pursuing a topic or hobby that excites you....

^ Being the general "nice guy" I would never put others down to feel better about myself.

Yes