Honesty and why people hate it

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I don't understand this. I just really can't understand it.

For example. my parents anniversary today so I write them a note, though it wasn't to be nice I said some really heartfelt things that I thought they should know, like how they gave me good memories and whatnot. I got back a response saying basically that I know how to say nice things (when I want to?[implication]) at the right times. I was being completely honest with what I told them, and it happened to coincide with my email to wish them a good anniversary (or whatever you say to people).

Then, when I purposefully lie, like when I'm instructed to "white lie" I get the best response!! People act like I'm genuine when I'm bullshitting them and they don't believe me when I'm being honest!!

WHAT is it that I don't get? Is this an Asperger thing?

Another situation, I got a sweet job at a beer/liquor store with a few quirky interesting creative people and so far I thought everything was going well, then... I notice a cartoon of someone with the word "ASPY" written along it, with the person being a comical line drawn for the mouth (no expression I guess), so I innocently (to me) ask, what is an Aspy? And the response very frankly was someone with Asperger syndrome and I go, 'oh, I've heard of that' (to make it seem light, I didn't want to talk about a touchy subject if it would be one). The next time I work with that person, the cartoon drawing was removed!! I was like, WTF< I thought I played that one off really well, I don't want these guys to know I'm Aspie (for fear of getting fired).

Why did the guy remove the cartooon? Am I so obviously Asperger that he thought he might offend me? Is he also an Aspie and I didn't pass any of the Aspie tests! either because I mimic (and have done so, forever) not even sure I mimic well anymore. I'm not NT and I'm not a "cool Aspie" so I don't know what I am.

SO should I be honest about either of these situations, are my co-workers having Aspergers as an Inside joke to themselves and me being Aspie they want to spare my feelings or they don't believe I'm one of them!?

I was honest with my parents and it backfired, I lied to my co-workers (being nonchalant about the Aspy cartoon (it was spelled A S P Y ), and it seems like they aren't happy with me now.

I'm so confused, some days I think I've got a handle on this and then I'm totally suprised. wish my thinking and reality would just coincide for once.

Conversational mistakes aren't just an Aspie thing. Comic movies and television programs have made millions off the different ways that men and women communicate. Same with Jews and Christians, kids and adults, blacks and whites, gays and straights. So, when it happens, there might be a hundred different reasons which caused it to happen.

It still bugs me when I think that I presumed wrongly in some of my communications. But, I shrug it off usually as something that the other person mistakenly said or wrote. If what they say is obviously targeted at me, then I accept it quietly until I can understand why it was said. But, by then, it is just so much water under bridge, and I move on.

Bottom line ... I try not to waste much time on what others think of my sometimes Aspie-tinged communication skills. I meant well, even if they didn't, and even if their words do hurt.

There are lot of reasons why people hate honesty and it's a human thing. Also don't forget honesty sometimes means being an a**hole like I can go up to someone and say they are a fat ass or call a black person the N word and say I was being honest or tell a parent their baby is ugly or tell an autistic person they act like a ret*d or tell a guy at work he is disgusting because he drools and I can't even look at him as he eats and while I eat. Do all these things sound horrible to you and would you want to hear them from someone? Probably not so that is why we have to keep our thoughts to ourselves sometimes. I have seen people online say mean things and being all closed minded and judgmental and ignorant and then play the honesty card so I am always skeptical when anyone talks about people being offended by honesty. Some people even think they have to be mean to be honest and think it's sugar coating when they can't say it in another way that isn't mean. It's like how some people complain about political correctness when they can't bully someone or be mean.

Also people get offended by honesty because of the following reasons:

It's how you said it
You were just being judgmental
The truth hurts
They are insecure
You are closed minded


I don't know what you really wrote in your note so I can't comment on that.

A good news reporter knows. Why tell the truth when a lie sounds soo much better.

I don't like it either, but it's that NT theory of mind invention thing or whatever.

In the real world the raw truth cannot hurt.
The only thing that gives words power to hurt is the self-serving nature of the algorithms of the hive-mind used by the NTs, which of course exists only within imagination.

A word is a concept existing only within imagination. It cannot harm.
Only another person, or mob, interpreting the word as a call to action can harm you as a result of a concept.

Stating a truth is not the same at all as bullying or being mean. It just is what it is, an accurate transfer of information.

A mean action is one that happens in the imagination and is a process of intent vs effect.

The problem is theirs, not yours.

In the world of NTs, the truth is not wanted, needed, or tolerated.
They support their self-worth through deceit.

I think there is more relevant information concerning this phenomenon in the thread about "barrier between us".

^^^neat idea. I believe you.

I don't see how any of those things are necessarily connected. You talking to the person and the cartoon later being removed could have been a coincidence... maybe someone else complained or they just got bored of it.

On the old TV show Barney Miller the character Dietrich (Aspie?) responds to being called a "honky"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcieTRWUeWw

I think Aspies are more concerned with truth (what makes sense or is logical).

Honesty... well, telling the truth or being honest?

It is socialy normal to not being true, saying things different to how you think and feel. You reply how you are doing when asked not true but to signal your state, your rank in the social group. When you get asked how you are feeling/doing, the who asks wants to know if you are ok with HIM or HER and not realy if you are feeling good, but if you are feeling good about him/her.

A group/team leader has to chear his team members by wishing them a realy good day and showing a good mind and cheerfull manner, even when he/she is not realy in this mood. But teh other true way can and would lead to decrease the work power of teh team members. And the Alpha has to show power and thrength to everyone aroudn him7her in order to keep his position, his rank being an alpha.

So being honest and true is not expected among NTs, where Aspies do not care about such things and keep up doing a good job, even when the alpha does not show being one.

"The end justifies the means" for how NTs uses truth and honesty. In some cases it may be honest to be untrue, so in order to protect Your folk, your team against outsiders, it may be honorefull thing to send out untrue informations...

Who defines what is honesty and what not? This is different in different cultures - in USA different than in Japan... amon NTs different than among Aspies I guess...

I don't like honesty all the time. I believe in the saying ''ignorance is bliss''. This is obviously not true for every situation, but it still works sometimes.

I remember when I gave a box of chocolates as a Christmas present to a ''friend'' I used to have. Then when I saw her again she asked me if I liked her present she got me and I said yes, then I asked her the same and she said, ''well I didn't like those kinds of chocolates and so I asked my family if they liked them and they all didn't either, so I put them in the bin.'' I was a bit hurt after that, and I told another friend about it and she said it wasn't very nice of the girl to say that to me about a present I took the trouble to get for her. Whether the girl threw them out or not, she could have just said ''thank you for the present''.
This Christmas another friend of mine gave me something I didn't really want. It was an ornament what I wasn't too keen on, so I kept it on the shelf for a few weeks, then gave it away to a charity shop. But I wouldn't tell her that though. I just said ''thank you for the Christmas present''. Luckily she doesn't come to mine because she doesn't like getting buses, so she'll never know.

To this day. I have never been able to write a winning resume for a job in my entire life and I think the main reason why this is is that I don't know how to properly lie on it. From what I can tell. Proper lying on a resume is a lot like the a game of Blackjack. You want to lie enough to beat the dealer's hand but not lie too much(go over 21 and bust). I just don't understand why NT's like to be lied to. I remember when I great grandmother was dieing of cancer that my mother told me not to say anything about it because it would make her worry. She called that a "white lie", so in a way, I get that. But on the other hand. I think NT's enjoy being lied to and I don't know why.