Late Aspergers Diagnosis

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I'm an NT woman and I recently made an appointment to have 'the love of my life' assessed for Aspergers. At 43 he was finally diagnosed.

Please can any older diagnoses Aspergers peeps tell what this will be like for him.

It will probably make no difference at all, except that you will be able to remind him of the diagnosis whenever he pisses you off.

I already do that!! ! LOL

Does he accept the diagnosis, or does he resist it? It sounds as though you had little difficulty in getting the diagnosis you were looking for.

He always felt different, an outsider..lots of shame and guilt and anxiety. He says he is 'exhausted' with life.

We were together in his diagnosis assessment and when he was told he was Aspergers/ASD he was overwhelmed and very emotional....like it was a relief to finally has reasons, to finally have an answer.

Different and outsider--to be expected.
Shame and guilt... he can let that go, now.

Anxiety seems to be a common comorbidity. It may be an inevitable side effect of the processing disorder that creates the problems in social communication in the first place.

I am 48 and was diagnosed about a year ago.

It is a weird thing to look at the people around and realize that you don't just feel like you're not one of them--you really are not one of them in a fairly profound way. But then life goes on. Things are what they were before, but he can be happier about the parts that give him trouble, in the light of self-knowledge. And he can cut himself some slack when things are not working and maybe try a different approach.

I think it's an odd combination of what seems like no change at all and a really shocking, momentous change--a seismic shift that moved the ground out from underneath you. Like one of those "falling" dreams, but one from which you will never awaken. I am still working it out. I suspect it will take about two years. It's much, much better on this side of the diagnosis.

Best of luck to both of you.

Hello lia1,

I have only recently discovered the possibility of having AS myself, along with ADHD and possible learning disabilities (although I've done remarkably well in life considering). I'm 25 and female. Knowing what I know now is a HUGE relief. I no longer feel like I've failed, I feel like I'm a great success. I look back at all my difficulties and there is no more guilt and shame for being different, but pride that I got this far inspite of everyone and with no assistance.

I would advise against using your husband's diagnosis against him in fights - this can be very hurtful and alienating. Rather use his diagnosis as a better way of understanding him and a way in how to deal with certain situations.

My mother is 55 this year and my father 57 - I believe both of them have AS and ADHD (my mother understands less sarcasm and joking than I do) and I have opened up the possibility for them that they too have what I have. It has been a great journey for my mother already and has also helped me feel better about the way they treated me as a child. This realisation has brought us closer together and made us realise why things have happened and how to fix those things.

If anything, this diagnosis would be a great blessing for you both, no matter how "late" it may be. Enjoy the journey and make sure you read up as much as you can to try and understand and better your relationship - it's worth it!

I was diagnosed at age 57. I went through quite a bit of reframing of my past. It made me a little weepy at first, so I took lots of long walks. In the longer run, I actually found some peace over old hurts and disappointments.

I took a little cognitive therapy and mostly discovered that I had a lifetime of coping skills under my belt that I had managed to develop without knowing exactly why they worked. Now it's just a matter of being more deliberate about them.

I ran into my old boss a few days ago. She had worked so hard to figure out how to help me rise to my best in the workplace, because she sensed that there was something going on with me that called for extra attention. I wanted her to know what it was and to thank her for being so perceptive and sensitive, so I told her about my diagnosis. It turns out her step son has also been diagnosed with AS as an adult and is terribly relieved to finally know what's been going on with him. What a small world it is.

I am 49 (almost 50 now) and I was diagnosed at 40.

When I was about 12 months old, my parents immediately noticed something wrong when I still couldn't even sit up on my own, let alone, walk, but I was speaking in complex sentences.

The only time I would scream was when I was picked up, otherwise I was a very quiet baby, preferring to keep myself entertained and occupied...this caused endless consternation for my parents.

When I did finally manage to sit up, propped up by a wall, I would bang the back of my head on it until it bled...over...and over.

So, my parents took me off to see a child psychologist.

In those days, Asperger's wasn't really an 'official diagnosis' (back in the mid-late 60's), but I didn't fit any criteria for being Autistic either, so my parents were told 'she is mildly Autistic, nothing to worry about, by the time she is 7, she should grow out of it...' yeah...RIGHT!!

I spent a few years in a special school for Autistic children, then nothing more was ever said about it. I went through my whole life knowing I was 'different'....knowing there was something profoundly 'wrong with me', but nobody knew what...or even if they did, I was never told.

Then, Social Services wanted to know why I couldn't last any longer than a week or so in any job they placed me in....why I wasn't attending any training courses...why I wasn't doing anything at all...

So they sent me off before a medical review panel, with medical doctors, psychiatrists, counselors, social workers...the decision was unanimous; 'she has Asperger's Disorder, ADHD and OCD (probably caused BY it)'

I was put on a course of Lexapro (which gave nasty side-effects) and had to attend 12 CBT sessions (which did crap-all) and went through a lot of 'social conditioning' and 'sensory desensitising' stuff...

It was also found I had Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis.

Can you guys ever imagine an Aspie's sufferer with 'Fibrofog'? It's a bloody nightmare!

So they decided to keep me on the Invalid Pension because it was more convenient for them to do so, you know?

How did I feel when my diagnosis was actually confirmed? relieved!

When your husband gets into a bad mood, please show him my story and I wish you both all the best.

I wasn't diagnosed until last September, at age 33. I'd known something was deeply different about me since childhood, and not being able to describe it for people frustrated me to no end (and still does a lot). No matter what I said or did, what I felt about life never came across through my speech as intended. I have a fairly extensive vocabulary, which I later found out is a classic sign of A.S. I'd read a little about the matter a couple of years ago, but my diagnosis was the result of a 6-hour psychological evaluation; I was exhausted by the end of it. The doctor didn't even have much to do with it, but his assistant was helpful. There were tons of questions, memory tests, puzzles to solve, etc. I later found out these were designed to gauge how all the different parts of my brain were cooperating. A week later, I went back, and the doctor told me I had Asperger's...after I rambled for about 45 minutes in his office. The only bad thing was his refusal to give me a copy of my records, saying state law didn't require it. Its been almost a year, and I'm still no closer to getting any more info from him. That's one reason why I joined this site, but it hasn't been what I expected at all.

I'm 46 and was diagnosed at age 45 although I must declare that I remember being diagnosed at 16 but refusing to accept it and then getting on with life as best I could. It amazes me that I was able to go from 16 to 45 before the inevitable voluntary submission for diagnosis. Its interesting how the initial teenage horror at the idea of being autistic has transformed into the hugely relieved forty-something voluntary diagnosis. Mostly it was youthful ignorance about autism and the horror at being lumped in with a group who I thought were (to use the terminology of that time) ... ret*d. I look back now and realise how ignorant and narrow-minded I was. I don't think any of those things any more and I cringe to even mention the 'ret*d' word. I'm really proud of who I am these days and proud of what I've achieved and what I have overcome.

Thats my story. Diagnosis later in life is actually a really transforming experience because at an older age we have the maturity to truly appreciate the diagnosis. As in my case, younger people (meaning teens or younger) don't necessarily appreciate the full implications.

Thank you all for helping me understand how his Aspergers diagnosis will help him.

He says that being diagnosed is a huge relief and he is seeing life differently on a daily basis and looking back at his past and trying to understand it better.

Please keep the posts coming. I am finding them really helpful and insightful.

x

Fibromyalgia seems to be a common co morbid condition to autism especially in females.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jacob-tei ... 87844.html
http://guardianlv.com/2012/08/jd-autism ... -in-utero/

I am 51 and was diagnosed last year. The diagnosis provided me with a framework that enables me to better understand myself and my life's experiences (both past and present).

Of course, fundamentally, it doesn?t change anything. I still experience dysphoria and worry. I still am seen as being negative, irritable and grouchy (by my family). I still have few close connections. I still have a feeling of boredom and emptiness. I am currently in therapy, hoping that at least some of this will change.