What do you think about this article on infantilizing disabl

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disabled people?

Does it describe reality? Have you experienced any of this?

http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/12/inf ... ed-people/

Most people don't treat me that way. But every so often, I run into someone who does.

My best friend, who uses a wheelchair, gets it a lot more than me. So many times people addressed me instead of her when it was her business. Cashiers would assume I was paying, even though I never was because my friend likes treating me.

I have a physical disability and use a mobility scooter. Often in a restaurant the server will act like I'm brain dead or something. One waiter actually tried to read the menu out loud to me. I have a master's degree, for god's sake! I know how to read! Then I asked him to point me in the direction of the restrooms, and he kept walking along beside me. "I think I can get there from here," I said. My spouse and I joked that I should have told the waiter I needed someone to wipe my b*tt for me!

The whole experience was insulting. And I've had other situations like that. At work I have to insist that people not open doors for me. I'm capable on my own and I don't want my slowness to be a reason for others to change their behavior.

As for my autism traits, those don't usually make people overly considerate of me, quite the opposite, they make people distance from me. So I see this from a couple different angles.

By the way, the person who wrote that article has a really cool website here:

http://www.autismspectrumexplained.com/

I have been (and sometimes still am) treated and spoken to as if I were a child, but then in some ways I still behave like a child, so maybe it's understandable.

However, I am not visibly disabled so have not experienced the level of discrimination that the author is describing. Hopefully I will catch myself if tempted to ever treat a visibly disabled person as less than a person. I certainly do try not to infantilize people in my thoughts, because that is how most spontaneous discriminatory treatment arises. What you think is even more important than what you say, because your body language, mannerisms, and spontaneous speech is all generated from those thoughts.

That's probably what most of us get wrong when we think one way about a person and try to act as if we actually respect them. Respect comes from inside and can't be faked.

The doctors asking other people about me while I am there has happened a number of times. And they did not know I was autistic so it had to be all about my traits and body language.

A very good article, and well-written. I can relate to everything she's written, both referring to myself, and other people I know. At times I think that people treat me like a pet.

I'm not sure what I think of it.

It is well written.

Sometimes I've been treated this way but not so much now, though it is to be expected with how i was behaving.
The other person isn't wrong they are treating you as they believe they should.

I don't think we aspies should pick on small things about how people treat us when we have poor social skills as part of our condition.

We make plenty of mistakes too. People naturally judge by appearances, if someone appears as if they are not all there then that is how they are treated, until proven otherwise.
then both parties know and can think again how to speak to each other. We cannot read others minds. I think it would be hypocritical for us to be so picky about this since as aspies we struggle to know this stuff already and make mistakes.

It's a very good article. I have actually had a couple of those things happen to me. It is very infuriating. And the weird thing is that because I have a dual personality dichotomy, very very childlike in some ways and very adult in others, it gets even more confusing. I think the problem is that people want to do what is convenient for them as far as I am concerned rather than listening to what I need them to do about me and respecting that. People have infantized me when it was completely inappropriate and just plain rude but when I am in child mode, which is a very real thing that I have to live with and manage and my brain is functioning and processing and responding like a 4 or 5 year old, people, and sometimes the same people who infantized me when it was convenient for them, will refuse to accept that now my brain is actually at that age level and will reprimand me and treat me badly for not interacting with them at an adult level when it is impossible for me to do so. And if I try to explain to them the difference and when they should treat me one way or the other, they don't care. They make it all about them and insist that I accept however they feel like treating me at any given moment and get angry if I don't just comply to whatever their needs are in how I should be treated by them. Go figure, damned if you do, damned if you don't. I guess I am just not intelligent enough or capable enough to know my own needs and express to people how my needs should best be met. But for some reason I am intelligent enough and capable enough to understand how they need me to accommodate their needs and desires in how I am treated by them and if I don't comply exactly right in all situations, I am the one at fault.

It's the plight of living among a socially driven society. If they are social thinkers, they need me to perform for them according to whatever their social perceptions of me are at any given moment. Any deviation from that is unacceptable to them. It does not matter what my needs and capabilities are. If they think it is socially appropriate to infantize me then they do no matter what I feel about it. If they feel it is socially appropriate for me to act and respond to them in an adult manner even if my brain is incapable of it, that is what they expect no matter how much it hurts or damages me to have to do that. If you are outside of the norm, people make want to make you a puppet of how they perceive you no matter how it affects you.

I agree with it. I think it primarily affects those that are visibly disabled. People don't really know how to treat the disabled, don't understand their disabilities, and just act without thinking. I've noticed people seem to infantilize the elderly as well. I always try not to treat disabled adults as children, because they aren't children. It can be hard to know what the appropriate action is to take when dealing with people that are disabled and I usually feel awkward in those situations.

I am not visibly disabled but I look and seem very young to most people, and often do not get treated with respect. People seem to treat me as if I am stupid, when I am likely more intelligent than they are. I find it very irritating.

I really don't think most people infantilize the disabled on purpose. They just don't know any better.

It is very true that many just don't know better and they are not trying to be disrespectful at all but rather trying to be nice and just getting it all wrong. What I find really offensive though is that sometimes when I try to explain to some people how I want to be treated they disagree with me and try to convince me that they know better how I should be treated and spoken to than I do. I don't mind if you are just ignorant but once you have been taught and corrected you should change how you do things. If you insist on doing it your way after you have been corrected because you think you still know better, that says something about your character as a person.