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League_Girl
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27 Jun 2014, 7:45 pm

puddingmouse wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
I think anyone can manipulate but that doesn't mean you will be good at it or succeed. Think of a two year old having a tantrum and no one gives in on their tantrum. Manipulation failed.


I'm very vulnerable to it. Maybe I wouldn't give into a a two year old having a tantrum now because I've toughened up a bit, but I have mental habits that make me easy to manipulate. I must change them.



Lot of parents are vulnerable to it. That is why kids are good at it. They take advantage of their parents weakness. My husband thought it was so wrong to let our son have a fit so he was always giving in to him at home and my mom said no that is wrong. All that does is teaches the kid to manipulate because they know it will give them their way.


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League_Girl
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27 Jun 2014, 7:50 pm

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
I was definitely manipulative when I was younger, and I often tried to "play" other people to make things work in my favor. I was never too good at it, though for a little while it was fairly easy to convince my parents to get things for me, right around the time they started fighting. Eventually, my parents tightened up, and I stopped trying to manipulate people, because I found out I wasn't any good at it.



My mom told me I was very good at it as a baby and toddler and then stopped at age three. I don't know if I succeeded in it but she said I was so good and I made crocodile tears. Now I can't make myself have them anymore so I wonder if we all lose our abilities as we get older.

I remember trying to make others feel guilty when I was older or feel sorry for me. I don't think that ever worked though. It did sometimes but not everyone cares how they made you feel or if they hurt you unless they knew it was an act or knew my agenda.


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Shadi2
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27 Jun 2014, 8:00 pm

KB8CWB wrote:
Shadi2 wrote:
lol I like your emoticons KB8CWB :)


Image


lol very cute :)


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foodeater
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29 Jun 2014, 12:41 am

puddingmouse wrote:
a_dork wrote:
Aspies can be manipulative. How well they can manipulate is another story. Since manipulation requires insight into the mindset of other people, I doubt an Aspie would be naturally inclined to be manipulate others. If an Aspie does appear to have manipulating abilities, they probably learned it like they would any social skill.


I am quite high functioning in terms of holding down a job, living indepently and having a circle of friends - but I've never learned to manipulate well. Maybe that's because I never wanted to or because thought it was bad ethically, rather than because I'm incapable of learning it?

Or maybe I'm more mind-blind than I thought I was, even if my skills for coping with life in general are quite good?

Some of the people who I suspect of being manipulative seem like they're 'more autistic' than me but I guess people are more or less impaired in different aspects of their lives.


what do you mean by manipulative? what are the people actually doing?

to me, manipulative is a few different types of behavior, the main thing i think of is playing two or more people against each other to get what you want. i don't do that and it feels wrong to even attempt to do, although i can't articulate why, but it's not even really something anyone would admit or you might even notice to if they are a "good" manipulator! 8O

or manipulative could be lying in order to get some need met or to get out of trouble and yeah i've done that, like as a kid i found you don't get bullied if you play dumb, or i'd say my homework was done, even learning not to ask questions in school because i'd get picked on for being "too interested". :roll:

i find that a lot of times people lie because they are worried about hurting the other person's feelings and again that is something that feels wrong to do, i think mainly because i find it confusing and leads to more misunderstandings and miscommunication.

although i just read that the "average" person gets angry when people don't express agreement with them and it doesn't matter how tactful you are in expressing that you have a different point of view. that was news to me! i still have a hard time believing it. :lol: i like different points of view and learning new things and opinions as long as the person isn't being dogmatic about it or framing it as black and white.

or sometimes people lie because they are worried about being too open and getting hurt themselves.

those are really hard to determine if other people are doing, to call it manipulation, a lot of it comes down to a value judgement about whether you feel their intentions were good or bad.

i've known some ASD people that said they couldn't do something because of sensory issues and i felt like they probably just didn't want to do it, but i know that i've said the same thing and some people don't believe me either. :lol:

if i was feeling manipulated, i think i would just tell the person i was feeling manipulated and explain why it felt that way, what actions were they doing, without accusing them. i think if they get defensive, angry and don't make an effort to work towards an understanding with you it likely means they were being manipulative or it means they don't really care about how you feel and that's good to know too because it means you should probably avoid them either way. :wink:



Noetic
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29 Jun 2014, 10:29 am

a_dork wrote:
Aspies can be manipulative. How well they can manipulate is another story. Since manipulation requires insight into the mindset of other people, I doubt an Aspie would be naturally inclined to be manipulate others. If an Aspie does appear to have manipulating abilities, they probably learned it like they would any social skill.

That's a really interesting point. People always go on about social skills being a good thing, but lying and manipulation are also part of that.



FluttercordAspie93
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29 Jun 2014, 11:00 pm

I sometimes consider myself to be a little manipulative, but that doesn't mean I'm necessarily a bad person.


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"The important thing is not how long you live, it's what you accomplish with your life. While I live, I want to shine. I want to prove that I exist." --- Grovyle, (Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky).
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"Whether it's in our own or another world... It's always darkest before the dawn." --- Dusknoir, (Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon).
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“That for one day I could be one of those happy, vapid girls who gets along with everyone, and is all excited to eat massive amounts of sugar, and do karaoke, and cheerleading and ponytails. I just don’t think it’s in my DNA.” --- Gwen, (Total Drama Island, Episode 21: Trial by Tri-Armed Triathlon).
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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 112 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 97 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits