Anybody else feels like a "broken toy"?

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Dizzee
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14 Jul 2014, 4:00 pm

I don't know how to explain this properly but I've noticed that most people are always engaged into something while I constantly ask myself the reason of my existence, what I am doing right or wrong and what made me to not able to be functional in society, I just feel uncomfortable in my skin all the time. It's like my only purpose in this world is to exist and there's no any kind of acknowledgement whatsoever.


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14 Jul 2014, 4:31 pm

I used to feel that way a lot when I was a kid. Sometimes I still feel that way a lot but since I found out that I am on the Spectrum I don't feel that way nearly as much any more because now I know that I am not alone in this and also that there is a reason.


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14 Jul 2014, 9:29 pm

maybe youre trying to hard to figure it out.? i know what you mean though. i call myself a "floater" like how wind pushes and pulls dust in the atmosphere. maybe theres something youre really good at, you just havent found it or had experience with it yet? (of course doing that would require trying something new ... and likely a bunch of new things until you find that one thing that makes you, you. it could be something that deals with thinking and reasoning things. but just because you havent figured it out yet, doesnt mean there is none, it just means you've found out what it isnt, so far.. the only real time it(journey, search, persistance, etc) doesnt ever happen and comes to a stop, is when the person gives up on trying.


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14 Jul 2014, 11:32 pm

All the time but my will makes me strong like these wooden soldiers! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8cH02wQuoQ[/youtube]


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14 Jul 2014, 11:35 pm

Given that I was going to write a song called 'Broken Toys' yes, yes I do feel that way lol. But my experience doesn't quite match the OPs story perfectly. I do relate to always standing back looking at other humans rushing around busy with the silliest things wondering why they bother. I never wondered about my purpose though, I was always somewhat aware that I didn't have one but that it would be okay if I just arbitrarily picked one to try and fit in like everybody else. But whatever I chose would ultimately be no more meaningful than anyone else's choice. I still find the alien analogy more fitting though.



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14 Jul 2014, 11:39 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
All the time but my will makes me strong like these wooden soldiers! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8cH02wQuoQ[/youtube]


When I was thinking about this analogy for a song those wooden soldiers are the exact kind of toys I had in mind when I was picturing imagery of being a broken toy. They are masculine yet evocative of innocence and maybe it's easier to imagine a traditional wooden toy being chipped and broken than a modern plastic contraption.



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14 Jul 2014, 11:47 pm

i feel this way most of the time.
many times at school i find myself doing something that's completely different that whatever everyone else is doing.
i wonder why i was born the year i was born, why i'm doing what i'm doing, etc.


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opal
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15 Jul 2014, 1:55 am

Yeah I used to feel that a lot when I was younger, not as much now.



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15 Jul 2014, 8:06 am

I'm still trying to figure out my purpose for existing. :(



freddie_mercury
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15 Jul 2014, 8:16 am

I have waves of this now that I am an adult - but like most other people said, it was a pretty constant thing when I was younger. I have always felt like I was broken - but not broken enough for anybody to really care to fix...just broken enough for people to ignore.

I still search on a daily basis for why I actually exist...until I pretty much exhaust myself from it. Then I tend to lose myself in the mundane for a while, until I get sick of the mundane. But I take a little bit of solace in this poem:


The Real Work, by Wendell Berry

It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work,

and that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.

The mind that is not baffled is not employed.

The impeded stream is the one that sings.



JSBACHlover
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15 Jul 2014, 10:48 pm

Lol. Yes, I'm a misfit toy. My Aspieness has given me many gifts, too, but finding my place in the social order is very problematic, so I usually end up at the bottom of the toy pile.



vickygleitz
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15 Jul 2014, 11:10 pm

<Proud citizen of "the Land of Broken toys,"



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16 Jul 2014, 12:00 am

I am one of those dolls in those houses where the family moves to and then the doll starts chasing the family members around with a syringe on a catheter.


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