Are you happy acting as NT?

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I was wondering if people here are happy to act like as an NT. Even if it's against your nature. Even if it's all about the expense of who you are just to fit in.

I don't want answers like 'I have friends because of it/I get invited to parties because of it' or 'I have jobs because of it' or something like 'My family/peers accepts me because of it'. Unless this friend of yours or your employers or/especially your family accepts you as an aspie/autie/atypical to begin with (with or w/o their acknowledgement of your neurology W/O trying to be an NT at all!)

And I don't want answers like 'No, because it's stressing me' w/o other reasons. Just because it's uncomfortable or difficult doesn't mean you're not supposed to be happy with it AND against it.

THE QUESTION IS:
Even you succeed or fail maintaining the mask. Even if its your choice or not; so, are you happy acting as NT?

Because last time I did, I never was. Even it **was** my wish to be accepted, it's all against me, and it doesn't feel any different. When I got my wish for acceptance 'as an NT', I'm not even happy because people aren't being genuine to me. And a building guilt that I'm not being genuine to them; like I'm lying to them and to myself along with the confusion of those 'rules'. As someone revealed that they found out about me (No thanks to my mom), they end up treating me differently as if I'm some child not even capable of thinking.
And so I have an epiphany that "No one cares about your case. No one gives a crap about you. No one will help you because no one can understand you but yourself." Then XD since I've been stop trying hard to myself, I end up being happy being alone. I no longer envy NTs' groups or chances in life. But over time as I think about the future, I kept questioning myself somewhat because I know not everything lasts forever. I'm 19 now, I'm not like 15 anymore. I have no plans for marriage or children. I don't care if I die alone. But I don't want to end up in some support or institution either or pretty much being dependent over something. Tho I do plan to buy some farmland away from the modern world

The question itself is selfish, but I would want to know about it. I'm also here to see any chances of myself changing my mind in the future.

Yes.
The only way I can actually "act" like an NT is to be overly gregarious.
And what works very bestest of all is if I act & talk (with the lisp!) like a complete flaming Big Gay Al.
It's Super Fun!

Sure, because it helps me communicate with others and share ideas between us with as little difficulty as possible. But, it is very exhausting for me.

I liken it to speaking English with others who speak fluently in another language. If we persist speaking only English, we might have a very brief and misunderstood conversation. We all lose. But, if we attempt to find different ways to speak, we would likely have a much better understanding of our ideas. Doing so is complicated and involves a lot of sideline signals (like miming actions to get our points across).

My NT masking might be exhausting, but it is a lot better than the alternative. After all, the majority speakers of any language (including NT), aren't going to learn Aspie/Autie. The burden is ours if we choose* to communicate with them.

*I understand wholeheartedly the arguments of those (including some in the deaf and hard-of-hearing community) who choose to avoid communicating in any way other than their first language and placing the burden on others to communicate, even though I believe personally that meeting halfway would be best.

For the most part, I act like KraftieKortie.

There might be times when I might adapt to a situation by either acting NT, or perhaps even acting autistic (it scares away the muggers on the subway LOL)

Acting like KraftieKortie might manifest as autistic-like behavior; it might be ADHD-like behavior, it might be conventional NT-type behavior. For the most part, I'm acting completely myself, with little or no forethought, when I engage in the above behaviors.

If I'm faced with being fired from a job, and I MUST act NT, I might not be HAPPY about it--but I'd be much more unhappy should I lose my job because I acted "autistic." Political statements, frequently, don't put food on the table.

Sometimes, I'm happy acting like KraftieKortie--sometimes, in retrospect, I'm not so happy acting like KraftieKortie.

I feel more like myself when I act NT.

No I'm not happy acting.
If deception could actually make me happy, then I would have become what I hate.

I am happy not acting as a neurotypical and that shall never change as long as I exist. Away with the concept of "normal", away with "passing", away with the societal mold of how a human being should present themself!

I enjoy being eccentric, very eccentric, but not at all autistic. Over the years, I have skillfully taught myself how to do this. Referring to AspieUtah's language analogy, I do speak NT, but with a thick Aspergian accent.

No I am not happy trying to act NT. I say trying because I know I don't do very well at it. No matter how outgoing or gregarious I try to act like, I still manage to say the wrong thing, or talk too much about something, or stick my foot in my mouth somehow. I basically suck at acting NT

Trying to act NT makes me feel miserable, because I'm not being the real me. I'd rather show who I am, than act how people want me to.

no.

I enjoy playing up the sociopath persona.

Originally it was a coping strategy mimicking the traits that seemed most human.

However I embrace it at times.

There's no way I could pull of acting NT. Unless maybe it was as an NT sleeping

NTs have been very nasty to me and I don't want to be a nasty person, so no I don't want to act like them. I don't want to be anything like them at all, I'd be ashamed of myself if I were. They are so vicious and refuse to accept any kind of difference. They are also incapable of showing any consideration or of understanding when a person has physical health problems that can't be seen from the outside.

Ie sleep difficulties, CFS type symptoms, Migraine headaches.

They are cold and hateful and all they do is spread nasty gossip.

I don't want to be like that. If I were, I'd hate myself as much as they do (hate themselves thats is...they all seem to hate themselves and I can see why, their self hatred appears to be justified).

I'm happiest as me. I've tried to learn certain typical behaviors, and sometimes, not always, both doing them and seeing them work can make me happy. There is definitely a down side, but other people have already been expressing that. It's there for me, too. Up side, since it requires an effort, we do get to (and have to) choose where to put that effort. Not everything typical needs to hurt. There are a few things where that lack of genuineness in the moment can allow for more genuine kindness, like I act NT by not responding to someone's nastiness sometimes and saying something that distracts from misery, saying to have a good day without sarcasm, etc. and it's probably never perfectly typical, but sometimes it turns out to really soothe someone who is suffering to act the way I think is more typical in a given situation, though granted still may not appear perfectly typical, but point being, I'm choosing to act how I think is typical by not being so perfectly direct in the face of someone else's unhappiness or need. Just how I see the other side of it. I do suffer plenty as people are describing from how much effort it can be, most of the time, to act NT, but just saying it makes me happy when I can add to the world some kindness and love I don't get enough of.