Being Sensitive

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People sometimes use the word "sensitive" to imply that someone is overreacting to something. This drives me crazy. Sensitivity doesn't make people overREACT to things. It makes people overEXPERIENCE things

For example: My mom maintains to this day that I overreacted to getting my hair brushed as a child. I clearly remember those screaming fits, and the ever-present (kind of gross) knot of hair at the nape of my neck that resulted. That knot was there for years.

I clearly remember those screaming fits, and I understand now they were clinically significant panic attacks caused by hypersensitivities I wasn't able to communicate. Without question, that is what was happening.

If my mom had understood this fact, I don't think she would have kept my hair so long that it was down to my waist when brushed out, and I don't think she would have forced me (with her hands) to stay there during the attacks, or have screamed at me to SIT STILL, or have called me crybaby/princess, or have made me SHUT UP like she did. Like she did so many times, in so many similar situations.

She says I was "always overreacting."
She says I was "always a good crier."
She says I was "just being sensitive."

. . . JUST??!

Being sensitive isn't the same as overreacting. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. Only YOU know if you are "overreacting," because only YOU know what you are experiencing, and reactions are ALWAYS based on experience.

Overreactions are used to manipulate; overreacting is a form of LYING. Being sensitive is NOT overreactingl

Last edited by AmethystRose on 21 Aug 2014, 5:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Exactly!! I'm so sick of being called crazy and made to feel bad about stuff I can't control.
My mom was the same way w/ hair brushing. Did she ever hit you w/ the brush?

No. She would hit me with her hand.

Sardonic edit: It's "ok," though, because I "deserved it" because I was "overreacting".

Before my SPD diagnoses, my mom would get mad at me and slap me and it worked every time because it got me to stop "over reacting" only because a slap was worse than what I was going through. How many of us got told "oh stop?" As if we could control the pain and pick how it feels. I just thought my mom didn't care or love me.

My mom also got my hair cut short because she got tired of fighting me to get my hair brushed. I honestly don't think this was a bad idea and I liked my short hair because I said hair brushing wasn't as bad and it went a lot quicker and I was happier.

Lucky.

I asked my mom a year or so ago, when the topic came up, why she didn't just cut my hair short. She told me that she "couldn't have done that" because my hair is and has always been "too beautiful to cut short." (A compliment! She's not always mean. )

Eventually I got old enough to take care of it myself, and that's when we stopped doing battle over the topic.

yah, my mom was like that too. not about my hair, but was sure that my behaviors were a conscious choice on my part.

BTW, that right there is the key difference between a tantrum and a meltdown.

A tantrum is an overreaction employed to get something; a meltdown also involves a strong reaction, but that reaction is not an OVERreaction.

I don't know how many times I have been told I am overreacting and then I find out it wasn't a big deal and I got upset over nothing. It wasn't like I was doing it intentionally, I just got anxiety and something seemed like a huge deal and it was upsetting me and it would turn out it wasn't so bad and thus over reaction they called it. People also say that about other people too like the time I said something in school to a teacher and the staff got upset over it and made a huge deal over it and my dad said they overreacted. Seesh did the adults at my school do it intentionally or was my dad full of it?

I wonder if I have been really overreacting or was it just people not understanding especially my dad? But looking it up online what the word means it says "to react or respond more strongly than is necessary or appropriate" so I guess they did use the word right. But even people with anxiety disorders get told they are overreacting. I always thought overreaction meant getting upset too easily or making a big deal out of something that was no big deal, perhaps people use the word wrong?

That's what I used to think. That's a common, insulting way the word is used. It is not what it means.

* Def "overreact": To respond more emotionally or forcibly than is justified, necessary or appropriate.
* Def "justified": Having a good or legitimate reason, done for a good or legitimate reason, or marked by a good or legitimate reason.
* Def "necessary": Required to be done, needed, essential, or inevitable.
* Def "appropriate": Suitable or proper in the circumstances.

You may notice that in order for "justified" or "appropriate" to have meaning, you have to make value-judgments: You have to define what is "good," what is "legitimate," what is "suitable," etc.

You may also notice that in order to know what is "necessary" or what is "appropriate," you have to have strong knowledge of the situation. What I mean is that you need facts in order to judge what is required or inevitable, and you can't know what's "suitable or proper in the circumstances" if you aren't familiar with the circumstances.

So.
In order to say that someone overreacted to something, you have to make a value-judgment. And not only that, you have to make a value-judgment based on the facts of the situation, which you also have to have. This is a big problem, because the human mind is squishy and organic and we, none of us, EVER have all of the facts of a situation, as seen from within the bodies of everyone sharing the experience with us, which would be required to make those value-judgments that are required to define what is an appropriate reaction.

League_Girl, you said that sometimes you overreact to things and later "find out that it wasn't a big deal." My very firm belief is that you are forgetting the very real and unaddressed stressers in your environment and life that caused you to react so strongly during those times when you "overreacted."

The people who say you are overreacting when you are having anxiety aren't aware of everything you are experiencing, and so they very naturally assume that the only thing that is upsetting you is the specific stimulus that you "overreacted"to -- The thing they said or did, or that happened, that finally set you off, and that maybe you started screaming about.

That is not an overreaction; it just looks like one from the outside. What it is is the inevitable reaction to an overEXPERIENCE.


What I see in this snapshot of the situation is that the school staff were trying to use their authority to gain control of your behavior and of your dad's reactions to your behavior, so I would say that, yes, unless you were threatening something really serious, or otherwise giving them reason to be afraid, they were probably just overreacting.

I think it's best to just not use that word anymore.