I need help feel like I'm drowning

Post Reply New Topic

People would consider me high functioning because I have made it far in life but it has been a struggle and as my life gets more complex I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water.

For as long as I can remember paperwork, mail, and bills have befuddled me and it's hard to stay on top of chores. I took out too many student loans, have lates even though there is money in the account (autopay has been saving my butt), and due to not sending in paperwork in time my credit score is lower than it should be. I've tried to set up budgets to see where my money was going but it's been a struggle.

Now it's more complicated. I'm recently divorced from a sociopath who infrequently visits our 2 year old newly diagnosed with ASD. I have a demanding career and need to stay on top of the medical literature and handle work-related responsibilities but I keep getting distracted researching treatments for my son. I'm obsessed and can't seem to manage my time. I also need to stay on top of my bills and services. It's literally costing me hundreds of dollars in late fees and being ripped off left and right. If I didn't have a great income I'd be screwed. Once again I didn't remember to pay to Comcast until the internet was off this am. Then I see they charged me for stuff they shouldn't have. But I find it so hard to call them and argue. And there are so many other calls I need to make and letters to send and bills to pay and straightening up to do. I used to be pretty messy but now I HAVE to keep it clean for my toddler.

The weird thing is my ex really wasn't helping with much when he was here, I think the problem is more finances are more important on one income and my perseveration on the divorce and my son's ASD have thrown me off course and really exposed how disorganized I have been.

Basically my life is revolving around my son when I'm not at work but I have SO many things to deal with and the pressure is overwhelming. How can I cope? Are there apps or tricks you guys use to stay organized and manage your time? What about motivating yourself to call companies and have them rectify things? I'm so tired of bleeding money and time

I think I'd look into a diagnosis and see if there's anyway you can get a personal assistant. You probably don't need a diagnosis if you can afford to hire a personal assistant if your income is that high. Even though it would be expensive, you could probably get someone to help you for less than all the fees you are paying, and it would help bring some sanity and relief for you. Just a few hours a week will help.

Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to tell you where to find a good trustworthy personal assistant. I tried asking someone I trusted, but he just wasn't interested.

If I wasn't married, I would need a personal assistant because of the same organizational problems you are struggling with. Before my husband took over the bill paying, I always forgot to pay them. I can come up with a great plan, but when it comes to implementing it I tend to be in la-la-land.

When I found out I had Aspergers a lot of things suddenly made total sense to me that for years had driven me into costly rounds of psychotherapy - knowing what the problem actually is has been the greatest help to me - also knowing I am not nuts because I still can't tie my shoelaces properly or deal with bills or forms of any kind without at least one meltdown, despite the fact I have a graduate degree, helps too.

You lose some control. But direct deposit and setting up bills to pay automatically saves so much in late fees and worries

I would definitely recommend getting a personal assistant or even a housekeeper (to come in a few days a week and straighten/ tidy things up). That would definitely help with the cleanliness side of things, so that you can focus on other things. Also, I would recommend setting up a calendar and writing down when everything (bills etc) are due. That way, you can look at it daily and see what needs to be done.. I find that I also have a lot of issues with executive functioning and just writing things down on a planner helps with that.