Why does it seem that no one really cares!

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I have gone my whole life wondering if anyone truly cares, It's seems to me that anyone that ever called me there friend and seemed to care was simply just using me ( Money, transportation, sex ) Even my own family has used me, ( Money, transportation ) I have had a few surgeries and each time my mother didn't really want to help me. She said she was obligated but it was really stressful for her. When I was in the hospital she was the only one who came to see me. It seemed as if she was there because she felt obligated. I have no one else in my life. When she dies I will have no one. How can I make friends and find someone that truly cares about me?

I feel the same. No one cares. Well, I actually know that no one cares about me. I only have my parents and siblings. I believe that they really care, but I live overseas by myself. It's scary to think about when my parents are gone although I will still have my siblings. Very few people come near me because I'm quite useless to them.

Well, I think that's a question that has been asked hundreds of times on WP. I wish I knew the answer.

It's been a hard and painful lesson for me to learn that no one gives a s**t about me, so I have to just give a s**t about myself.

I've also learned the sad lesson that no one really cares about me, only my mother. People with Aspergers are often taken advantage of and I am no different. So it's made me very cynical towards people and I just prefer to do things on my own. The only thing I want in this world is true love, but if I can't find that then I would rather be alone.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air;
The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go;
They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.
Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all,?
There are none to decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must drink life?s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.
Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But no man can help you die.
There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a large and lordly train,
But one by one we must all file on
Through the narrow aisles of pain.

- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I never really expect people to care about me, but I know when I care about someone else.
Animals will care for you if you care for them.
I think for someone to really care about you, they have to understand you, or at least make an effort to understand you. People make false assumptions about things they don't understand.
I have a bond with my daughter and grandchildren because I take care of them.
I never had that with my parents. They didn't understand that I needed them to protect and support me.
Instead they punished me and tried to force me to grow up in a world I did not understand and wasn't ready for. And I was taken advantage of by other people who didn't care about me.

Indeed.

Also, I would like to care more for others than I currently do. I am not sure how to show them.... is this possibly part of not feeling cared for? I don't feel like people care about me unless they want something. I find it difficult to have people wanting something from me...

Because people are super busy trying to survive in this economy, and trying to keep up with this mutitasking, Big Data world. .

I have the same question, and I don't know the answer. And every time I thought I found someone who really cares about me, they have betrayed me. People are out for themselves.



Same.

^This sounds like my life. The ones that seemed to care only did so because of what I could do for them. Funny since I have become disabled and unable to supply money, do things, or fix things they all disappeared.



This describes my ex. I had to drive myself to the hospital each time and only visited me once or twice. Never asked if I needed anything and couldn't wait to leave. One of the MANY reasons she is an ex!



Same for me. My mother will be 87 next month and suffers with CHF. I take care of her and she is the ONLY one I have in my life. But I know she won't be here forever. Dementia is starting to set in and heart is getting worse. Once she is gone, I will be alone.

I have a few online friends but none in real life. Sadly I think I will end up being alone in my elder years. Once she passes, I think I will be moving on but not sure what the future holds. I guess I need to get used to the fact that I will be alone.

Deb1970 and KB8CWB,

Your posts are uncomfortable reading because so close to my own situation.

My mum is 81 and currently in good health but I really don't know what I will do when she is gone.

There are quite a few people who will contact me when I can do something for them but there's no-one around when I need help. I've also had to do the thing of travelling to the hospital and back on my own.

I wish I could make more friends but at this age it's hard.

We've got to stick together.

Same.
I am sure that this situation is a byproduct of identity and the role it plays for most people, especially NTs. Everything they encounter in life is run through the filter of their identity, as in what does it mean to them.

My heart breaks as I read these posts. We ARE going to start an intentional Autistic community within an already existing community in pueblo Colorado. PLEASE be a part of it. At AutHaven, almost everyone said that they had never felt so loved before. And they like it. IA lot. The plan is for those with money to purchase their own home. For people on ssi or low income [or who just want to] we will be sharing homes, and sharing activities, and making and growing jobs. We are looking to build Autistic space. PLEASE! And you WILL be accepted and loved.Really. Please help me plan this. My son has purchased a home [well,closing is on 15th] and he will rent it out for a couple of years before the community actually starts. Bobby and I plan to purchase a couple of small homes in about 2 years. There is a mother with 2 Autistic kids just waiting for everyone else and she and her kids will be there.

With nothing else happening in between- and hopefully there will be others buying in-between- we will be starting with 4 homes that will be able to house 12 Autistics [and loved ones] who are determined to change the world for the better for all Autistics [plus local AUtistics and allies]

Please, I am telling you the truth when I tell you that you do not need to feel alone and unloved.
Be part of what we are doing and help spread it all over the world. Feel free to ask any questions. Much is being planned and we need input and suggestions.

we will be planning much of this at AutHaven, next March in Colorado [ 4 nights, $150, scholarships available]

I don't what to tell you accept try some social activities. Church is a place to make friends. So are clubs based on common interests. People get to like you when you spend time with them on a regular basis. After you become friends with somebody, you can ask them for favors, or they might volunteer to help you if they know of some trouble you are having. They expect you to do the same for them. Understand, just because someone cares does not mean they will be there for you when you need them. Everybody is out for themselves first. The word friend as an adult seems to mean "temporary alliance". That means friends socialize and help each other as long as it is convenient for both parties involved. The only people you can expect to really love you are your significant other, your parents, and sometimes your siblings. That's the cold truth about society (at least that is how I have experienced it). Only my really close family has been there for me unconditionally. Really close friendships and romantic relationships have gone by the wayside as conditions have changed.

Truth to be told - people actually don't really care the way we expect them to.

If you do nice things for someone out of free will - they take it as granted, and will rely on you in the future for similar deeds.
If you do nice things when asked - you are submitting your time/effort in order to fulfill the request. There is also a psychological trick behind it, namely the more things you do someone the more likely you are to do it again. People know it. People abuse it.

If you want someone that truly cares, find something that you really enjoy doing and then try to meet new people who are similar to you. Just don't give your trust away too easily.

Good luck.

So much sadness on this thread : (

Good advice!

Nice poem Frodz. Thanks for sharing!