try to break out of the bubble or not?

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For many years I was disgusted by the world and sat in my bubble. Then I had another period where I tried to break out of the bubble, although I had had instances of that previously too. The lack of success and the burning fire that hit me in the face when I tried was probably what led me to withdraw into the bubble in the first place, and that was what happened again. Whenever I try to break out of the bubble I'm punished. Seemingly punished for things that normal people are not punished for nearly as much.

But maybe, I've been thinking lately, it's all because I'm blessed. Maybe the punishment is really a blessing and not a curse. Maybe the people who are connected and happy are really like the proles in Nineteen Eighty-Four, and I'm Winston. Maybe the bubble is not a curse.

Maybe the connected state is a lower state. Leaving the bubble is descent. Being in the bubble is to be elevated, and entering it is ascent.

I have thought about how aspies in many ways seem to be just what religions praise. Most aspies are "boring" in the eyes of neurotypicals. Well, so are monks and nuns. They all wear the same clothes in some shade of gray. We are "in this world like a stranger in a strange land", just like what religions talk about. So maybe trying to have a share of the world, to leave the bubble, is PERVERSION, and remaining in the bubble, while being called a freak, is PURITY.

I have had conflicting desires during the last year. One part of me wants the world. Another part of me says the worldly gains, social or other, are all PERVERSION.

Do you want to break out of the bubble? Do you want to descend? Do you want to pervert your soul?

Do you think the quote is about Asperger's? Actually, it's taken from a podcast where they had a conversation about Jews.

This is something I've been thinking a lot about, and continue to philosophize about.

Albert Einstein

I'm working on developing "loving kindness", a Buddhist practice, while at the same time remaining as a stranger in a strange land. Not wanting the world, and also not hating it for not letting you in, but rather viewing yourself as blessed for not being let in. I don't think it's desirable to have all kinds of things, including a social life, or popularity. What you want to have is an even greater distance from the physical, you want to withdraw even more into the bubble.

From Judaism: An Introduction, by Oliver Leaman:



Thoughts?

It's not about Asperger. It's about a people hater, social pessimist. One that thinks all people he knows are evil despite the fact he must know a lot of people and at least one of them must be OK. It's impossible for one person to know only awful people. But one person can think all people are awful because what you think is usually what you get when it comes to social life. If you assume everyone will be mean to you you don't see people who are nice to you because even if they are you still think they are mean but hide it to betray you later. That person might change environment but is still going to met only "awful" people because of his expectations. He is just unable to see people nice to him because he is too paranoid about hidden motives.

Asperger people could develop it but its not a trait. For example I don't have it. Of course, there are evil people around but majority is either nice or simply too busy with their own lifes to bother with me. I don't expect people to treat me special and I don't generalize that everyone must be mean when someone is mean to me. Actually I even have trouble generalizing it with the one person. Even if someone was mean to me in the past I am still acting normal towards him till he gets mean to me again. And then after the situation calms down I still act normal. I never learn.

About my bubble:.
I consider it neither a blessing or a curse. Its just a trait I got. It's my cave, a dragons den. I can get out but I have a place to return to when I am overwhelmed with the real world. I am also kinda trapped there like dragon protecting it's treasure. If I leave the bubble for longer I will lose the meaning of my life. My bubble gives me energy that I lose when fighting people. I need it to survive. That's it.
That's my nature. Nothing bad with it. You can't force dragon to live between humans and if a human gets in dragons territory they can get roasted (meltdowns). But neither humans or dragons are bad. It is possible for both species to live peacefully and even help each other as long as they don't get too intimate. I would never consider myself a pure, good person as a monk. It's not my nature. I'm egocentric, proud and prepotent. Those are not monks traits. They are dragons traits.

Really appreciated your posts (OP and second poster).

I am not likely to be nearly as eloquent as either of you (I have been studying for 10 hours straight and am thus a little fatigued) but I would say that the 'bubble' is there for a reason. Never discard the bubble. Of course, wander from the bubble knowing you can return to it. It is you reference point, datum line, your zero point. If you didn't have the bubble, or lost it for some reason would merely result in your building another bubble.

Come to think of it, I wonder if your bubble is synonymous with what people refer to as 'karma'?

I think that paradoxically there might be something such as that a paranoid neurotic loner, not liked by anybody and who doesn't really like anybody, actually might be spiritually purer than the person that everybody likes, which I refer to as "the happy slut". Pimps have great social skills too. I'm sure pimps are great at parties, and that everybody likes them. Does that mean they are highly spiritual and pure people, of course not. The main character in the movie Pi is the kind of neurotic paranoid loner I'm talking about. I think that being disconnected by nature, atomized, floating around alone in space like a lone atom, is a sign of purity and sensitivity. The more connected the less sensitive. That doesn't mean you have to be an a-hole. Usually it's the other way around.

All The Fools Sailed Away - Dio

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GahZQb_-OI0[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQ1sZSCz47w[/youtube]

Yes, I am certainly that paranoid neurotic loner. At least, that is my natural state. I have been compelled through somewhat masochistic desires to fit into society to act out a more socially gregarious persona. Somewhere back in time I mad a conscious decision to enter the belly of the beast (the belly of the whale) because I felt compelled to (like the Jonah and the whale story). Many years later now I still live in the "beast". When discussing processes/systems I often refer to "feeding the beast" (where the processes are somewhat dysfunctional. I certainly do feel spiritually compromised by my involvement within society. I have made a peace of sorts with that compromise. Through eastern teachings (that could loosely be described as mysticism) I have come to know that all experiences are spiritually valid. The fact that I have lived in a 'spiritual wilderness' is itself spiritually profound. The wilderness (places of torment, anguish and agony) are themselves spiritually purifying. My 'wilderness' may not be your wilderness. For extroverted types, the true natural wilderness (solitude in the desert and mountains etc) is truly a torment whereas for an introvert, big cities bustling with people can truly be hell on earth.

I avoid communication and am more active around autistic friends than anyone else. My neurotypical friends have to be pretty nerdy or pretty emo for me to be friends with them.

One thing that continues to puzzle me is how a lot of people I meet have a lot of friends and girlfriends, are popular etc, yet they are a-holes to me like every other day or so for reasons I don't understand. Maybe it's something about me but I really don't see that I did anything. What I do notice though is that these people are without exception totally unspiritual and all of their primary interests are sinful things. When I meet religious or spiritual people they are more stable in how they treat me. The demons are like night and day from one day to the next for no apparent reason. Yet, as I said, for some weird reason they are popular. Maybe all of their friends are demons as well...

I'm a man and 30 years old. I have never had a girlfriend and most women I've met/dated have treated me like chit. I don't know if I want to have a girlfriend or wife anymore. I have conflicting desires. On the one hand I do want it, but on the other I don't.

It seems like such a huge task for me to try to find a woman. But I have been thinking if I should try harder. And then I'm reminded of my other desire that says I don't want it anymore. I'm all mixed up.

Also, whenever I try I feel like I'm sinning. And whenever I do sinful things I feel like my spiritual development is halted.

If I have to be like those demons in order to get a woman, and it seems like it, then I seriously doubt if I want that. Maybe I'd rather be alone and considered mentally disordered, a freak etc. but be pure and spiritual, stable in my mood etc. Being rejected and considered mad is something I've come to view as compliments anyway. I think that maybe that gift might be worth not having any friends and never having a girlfriend. Having a girlfriend is not allowed by orthodox religious groups anyway. The reason that the demons can have it without suffering is perhaps that they are proles in 1984. Just like them they are perverted and unspiritual, have no insight into deeper aspects of life etc. yet they are happy and carefree, go around whistling etc. whereas I think I am a Jew, which I think is what Winston represents. And Jews are punished 7 times more for the same sins.

If only this desire for women would go away. I hate it. Maybe I can learn to transmute that energy into something else...

Ahhhhh! f*k this life and this world. It is hell. I just want this chit to end.

I feel that I only sympathize with people who have had severe mental problems.

I'm already a pervert...

Hard not to stagnate when you're in a bubble, though. I wouldn't recommend that anyone throw themselves into wild parties if it's not their thing, but trying new things can help people grow.

Very little response as usual on this forum. By the way, the interface of this forum sucks.

Anyway. By bubble I didn't mean your room. I meant isolation from the world and people, wherever you are and whatever you do. Alienation, atomization. Feeling unconnected like a lone atom floating around in space.

I have specifically been struggling with whether or not I want to try to talk to women. But right now I hate women. And I feel blessed that I have "mental disorders". So f*g proud, happy and grateful I'm not a neurotypical. So yeah, I'll probably not try to talk to women. f*k them. I like this quote by Shopenhauer:

All those men that are popular with women, they are proles in 1984. I am God's chosen, and they are not.

I feel like I'm in a bubble but I'm happy this way. I avoided most people during the summer vacation and I feel better than ever. As if there's finally room for *me*... if that means anything to you. I'm happier and more creative. Somehow, interaction with most people feels like a slight violation of said bubble, as if their vibes interfere with my vibes. Hard to explain, especially in English. It's like they are in their collective world and I am in mine. Not just interests, but also thought processes, the way they perceive the world... etc. It's drastically different and I'm coming more and more to terms with the fact that I'm actually WAY better off without ''most people''. A few are great to be with but most by far ruin my 'balance' and drain my energy.

Destroying the bubble never actually made me happier; I was more socially acceptable but given the fact that most interaction isn't rewarding in the slightest it just felt like I was betraying myself and denying large parts of me that really almost automatically make me go back to the bubble. It's like a natural state to me and interaction with *some* specific people doesn't feel draining or ''vibe-disturbing'', and with them it's rewarding. When I feel like there's discrepancy between me and the other (=most people) and that we're not in sync the contact is pointless anyway. Bubble is best, for me

Even more, I feel like I need to 'protect' myself somehow as I'm too sensitive. (too sensitive for people, their 'vibes', their influence, etc )

I meant isolation in general, and if you don?t like the responses you get you can always pry for more information. I personally don?t have the time or interest to write an essay for a forum post when I?m not sure if it?s going to be engaged with or just be dismissed, nitpicked, or something else along those lines.

I don?t think it matters whether someone stays in their room all day or simply avoids interacting with the world at all. They still risk a lack of stimulation outside of still things like books, video games, etc. Things like having to solve problems, get along with people, and learn new skills force people to think differently and expand what they know so that they wind up growing more as people.

Socialization isn?t a requirement for this, I guess, but isolation from the world wouldn?t leave someone with much to interact with if they don't find anything interesting or don't want to get involved. People could learn to be more compassionate and responsible through taking care of animals if they don't like humans, but I don?t know that they could do anything like that in total isolation.