Why are so many on here married or have boy/girl friends?
Internet. Basically all my relationships have originated on the Internet. I'm very social and outspoken on online forums and I use that to establish relationships that I can take to "real life".
Internet. Basically all my relationships have originated on the Internet. I'm very social and outspoken on online forums and I use that to establish relationships that I can take to "real life".[/quote]
+1. Met my husband via internet before Match.com existed. I express myself better in writing than in person.
Ha! I can barely bring myself to ask the store clerk where the milk is located; but online I'm a "take charge" guy. I have started mailing lists, discussion groups, IRC channels, misc support groups, etc, that have attracted and helped thousands of people. Almost every day I get a friend request from strangers looking for my support groups on Facebook. I'm the center of attention online; but when it comes to real life social meetings, I sit in a corner and don't say anything.
Why?
To quote Tony Attwood again:
ASD women predominantly tend to choose to form relationships with ASD men, however ASD men predominantly tend to form relationships with NT women (presumably because the NT wives and girlfriends negotiate the social world for them).
If all of that is true, and I agree with Attwood that it is, then logically and numerically the most limited possibilities affect ASD women - the pool is very small. Comparatively, ASD men have a huge potential pool of NT partners (though not all learn to swim in it, obviously).
Nearly all of my relationships have been with ASD men and my current relationship is the same. He is considerably younger than me and not at all ageist, and we find it easy to accept each other as we are -for example, he understands if I need to stop conversing from temporary overload and I understand when he gets up and paces around the living room. We don't judge each other negatively for being who we are. He makes me feel No way I could have a relationship if there were only NT men as potential partners.
BirdInFlight
Veteran
Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?
I've had relationships but nothing that lasted. For some the problem is meeting anyone to start with. For others, meeting gets happening one way or another but the sustaining fails. Neither is a bed of roses.
.
If you are an attractive young woman, men will hit on you.
I was emotionally like a child, easily taken advantage of.
Social skills did not enable me to secure the only two serious relationships I've had. My lack of good social skills is what complicated both relationships and got me scorn from the men I was dating. My first boyfriend put it perfectly: "Frankly, you embarrass me. The things you go through and the way I see you act sometimes, it just makes me wish you could go away and die. I would care, but frankly, it would hurt too much to."
I never have had a problem with men finding me attractive and proposing a relationship. These are usually guy friends I have had for a while. We talk a lot over email and chat, but I don't really have the time to interact in person all that much. They seemed to take it well when I declined their invitations. I've never had a problem meeting men in other settings who may find me attractive and ask for my phone number. I'm pretty awkward. Declining when I'm not interested is pretty awkward.
I am not planning on being in a relationship right now. I don't know when I will be in my next relationship, but I am comfortable not searching for one.
I have a boyfriend. He's NT (as far as we both know) and I've got AS. We've been together for 3.5 years and believe me, sometimes I don't even understand how we've been together for that long. When we met we bonded over a mutual interest, which was easy for me to include him in. I guess that's how it all started.
I really like him but it's been incredibly difficult at times and it's most certainly not a "normal" relationship. By not "normal" I mean we don't see each other as often as most people in a relationship do, there's not as much physical contact between us as in most NT relationships, etc. That's been very hard for my boyfriend and it's not until recently that he's understood that I'm not being rude/lazy/unfair/something when I tell him I need to spend time alone. He stays with me because he loves me. He's had to learn how I function and what I can and can't do, what my routines are and what I need to feel safe. Sometimes it feels very unfair to put him in that situation and I feel inadequate sometimes, but we like each other so we work as hard as we can to make it work.
The point is that even if people on the spectrum do have partners, it doesn't necessarily mean it's easy.
It's complicated and it wasn't a proper relationship.
I don't understand about sexual relationships and I certainly don't understand about marriage. I've never even been close to getting married.
_________________
We have existence
In the past I was never able to establish contact with a man I felt attracted to, it was always guys approaching me.
Mostly they were the abusive kind or they just suddenly left me for no apparent reason after I had formed
a strong attachment to them, which left me totally gutted for long periods of time.
Right now I am in a very happy marriage lasting already 12 years with an NT man I met at my workplace. Guess I was just lucky.
He loves my Aspie traits, has no problem putting up with all my quirks and peculiarities and when I found out quite recently
that I'm on the spectrum, he said he could always tell that there was something unusual about me.
He's socializing and networking the NT world for me, is very protective, always keeps people off my back whom I don't
want to meet and we never get into fights with each other. The only drawback is that I'm asexual and although I enjoy the cuddles I
get a bit grossed out about that bizarre sexual human mating procedure. But I've learned to get into it for the sake of bonding.
I just enter into some kind of a dreamlike trance state which makes everything a bit surreal. And he is a very considerate guy who bothers
me as little as possible with his desires. Such a sweetheart. I just wish there were more men like this in the world. And I had met him
earlier before I got this chronic-fatigue stress-damage...
Why so many married in here or have boyfriends/girlfriends?
It's a skewed statistic
being in a relationship gives the people in it optimism, positism and a general feeling of acceptance
They tend to post more
People that aren't in a relationship tend to be more negative, insular and antisocial
They tend to post less
_________________
Be kinder than necessary for everyone is fighting some kind of battle
-Jaleb
How do you have the social abilities to attract a long-term mate? Genuinely curious, 'cos I was always desperately shy around the opposite sex. Still am. Never known what to say, never been able to flirt, and - pretty obviously, really - have never been able to attract anyone enough to want to be my partner.
God, my life couldn't be any more tragic and sad if I tried. Utterly pathetic. I fail even at being Asperger's, or whatever.
_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
MehruneMath
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 8 Sep 2014
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 61
Location: Boston, MA
I'm male and twenty one years of age; I've never had a girlfriend, nor have I ever made physical contact. I would certainly enjoy a relationship though. It has nothing to do with my appearance; it is my personality. Females used to flirt with me often in high school. I'm not sure if I have autism, nonetheless I'm completely positive I'm above the average intelligence level; I believe this is why.
_________________
Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by rulers as useful.
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