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larteaga
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07 Sep 2014, 11:22 am

I dont know if females or males aspies are different in this topic or if it matters or not what sex you are. Im speaking as a female. My problem is I cannot sympathize. I only empathize. This happens with everyone and anything. It wears me down terribly. As a kid i would feel sorry if a stuffed animal was left lying on the floor overnight. I do get vibes from all around . I pick up happiness and it makes me do happy I start shaking really bad. If its bad feelings, Ill get sooo upset that I will go throw up.

So what do I do? Well yesterday was a bad say cause I heard about the abuse elephants in India; also, work was overwhelming . I got sick and depressed. I was nauseous the whole day. Even though I rationalized that it was my disorder, my body just felt sickly. So i finally feel better today because of all the meds I took. Paxil, librax, xanax and diet coke with Scotch ( not all at once).

Does anyone out there have this? And what do you do to feel bettter.



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07 Sep 2014, 11:40 am

Sometimes it helps to find someone positive and happy to be around. Gets me away from soaking up negative and instead I am soaking up happiness from around me. I think it's the effort of having to think everything through and taking things literally that does this.



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07 Sep 2014, 2:51 pm

From what I've read on here, empathy is a form of "being fake" when little or no sympathy is involved. Which explains why NTs are better at it. :?

Seems like autistics don't show empathy unless they're feeling actual sympathy alongside it cause they're not as good as "actors" as NTs are.



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07 Sep 2014, 5:36 pm

I've always assumed Sympathy was the ability to relate to the emotions of other people's situations past or current (perhaps via having been in a similar situation such as relational breakup or loss of job).
And that Empathy was doing it Real Time. Understanding their current emotions right at the moment that you're interacting with the person.

Maybe I'm wrong, but this seems to be the way my ASD demonstrates a "lack of empathy" but not a corresponding "lack of sympathy."
With far too high of a perception of details, I cannot narrow down their multiple emotional displays fast enough to determine their "chosen primary emotion" and respond appropriately before they look at me weird.
I need "post event analytical processing time." heh.

Meaning, that later when I talk to them, I can feel sad that they felt sad, but by then they may have gotten over it and be feeling happy, which makes commiseration pointless.

Does this make sense at all?


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WellThatsDantastic
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07 Sep 2014, 5:36 pm

I'm a high functioning Aspie, and I'm very apathetic.

I just can't feel sorry for other people, even if I have a deep connection to them. I try my best to fake it, and it seems to be working, so I'm keeping it up. I tend to dislike sharing problems with others, so maybe that's why...



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07 Sep 2014, 5:58 pm

1401b wrote:
I've always assumed Sympathy was the ability to relate to the emotions of other people's situations past or current (perhaps via having been in a similar situation such as relational breakup or loss of job).
And that Empathy was doing it Real Time. Understanding their current emotions right at the moment that you're interacting with the person.



Seems like with many NTs that empathy is often a form of "false sympathy". For example, they can easily spot when someone is having-a-bad-day based on their facial-expressions and body-language, then they "pretend to care". Even though in truth they often don't give a f**k. Not always of course though.



1401b
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07 Sep 2014, 6:20 pm

Venger wrote:
1401b wrote:
I've always assumed Sympathy was the ability to relate to the emotions of other people's situations past or current (perhaps via having been in a similar situation such as relational breakup or loss of job).
And that Empathy was doing it Real Time. Understanding their current emotions right at the moment that you're interacting with the person.



Seems like with many NTs that empathy is often a form of "false sympathy". For example, they can easily spot when someone is having-a-bad-day based on their facial-expressions and body-language, then they "pretend to care". Even though in truth they often don't give a f**k. Not always of course though.

Yes, of course, they fake a lot of stuff.
But false "anything" is a false something and therefore not the real thing.

Empathy - Direct identification with, understanding of, and vicarious experience of another person's situation, feelings, and motives.
Sympathy - a. feelings or impulses of compassion. b. feelings of favor, support, or loyalty.

I 'cherry picked' those but that's kinda what I was trying to communicate. Empathy can even be with "positive" or happy or "good" emotions. Maybe like watching actors in sitcoms.
Sympathy is kinda something you do AT a person, and Empathy is kinda something you do WITH a person.

Perhaps what you're referring to is a pathetic attempt at commiseration - to feel or express sorrow or sympathy for; pity.
I dunno.


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07 Sep 2014, 7:02 pm

^^^
I have a hunch that's why they say autistics aren't very good at displaying empathy though. They just don't know how to show it unless they actually care about the other person's problem(i.e. sympathy). Unlike NTs who are great at faking it.



EzraS
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07 Sep 2014, 8:31 pm

Has been said from testing that I lack empathy.



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07 Sep 2014, 8:48 pm

I'm unable to lie to someone and tell them I know how they feel. If someone's mother dies I have no idea what they are feeling. I'm sure there probably sad. But everyone experiences things differently. Maybe there mom was mean and abandon them when they were 10 yrs old.


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09 Sep 2014, 7:40 pm

I'm the classic "no empathy/sociopathic" Aspie. For years I was convinced empathy wasn't even a real thing. I do feel sympathy, however in the sense that I can understand the feelings that another expresses towards me.
I simply can't actually place myself in another's shoes and feel what they're feeling, even if I've felt similarly in the past.



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09 Sep 2014, 9:18 pm

With me empathy is either non-existent or completely overwhelming, there is no real middle ground.


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09 Sep 2014, 10:46 pm

DreamingCloud7 wrote:
With me empathy is either non-existent or completely overwhelming, there is no real middle ground.


Exactly the same for me. I either have little empathy or am overwhelmed by it. I have cried from feeling for a person with absolutely no idea what to say or do, they didn't seem to be an bothered as I was.



larteaga
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16 Sep 2014, 8:46 pm

Ok I see were different in that some get overwhelmed if we feel the other persons emotions. We're the same that we all feel nothing at least sometimes for others feeling.
I think I would feel happier if I didnt feel for people sometimes. It just takes me over the top.
I've just signed up for a meditation class, so that I can learn to remain calm. Yeah, right, we'll see how that goes😁.



Johannes88
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16 Sep 2014, 10:43 pm

WellThatsDantastic wrote:
I'm a high functioning Aspie, and I'm very apathetic.

I just can't feel sorry for other people, even if I have a deep connection to them. I try my best to fake it, and it seems to be working, so I'm keeping it up. I tend to dislike sharing problems with others, so maybe that's why...


I'm similar, yeah, I share problems but don't really ever want advice. I realize most nts will typically listen and then say something, and you're supposed to nod your head and then start feeling better. So, I don't share problems as much now.

I also can't get anything from watching sports, or parties.



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16 Sep 2014, 11:42 pm

I experience both sympathy and empathy to the point where they're almost debilitating, but have a very difficult time expressing them, which I tend to cover with humor. I've gotten a bit better about not being overwhelmed through the use of anti anxiety drugs and my own version of controlled exposure therapy, but have never really improved on the expression end, which makes it very uncomfortable for me to be around anyone who is in distress, as I experience their emotion very strongly, but don't know how to react to it.


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