Our Autistic Aura and Respect?

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I have noticed something at the school where I work. There is a student who like me has Asperger's. He is athletic and does well in school. He presents himself in a very respectful manner and does not cause problems. He dresses well and is of tallish and slender build. Earlier in the week, after the teacher delivered instructions on the assignment, several students felt it necessary to approach her desk to ask for clarification on the instructions which could be perceived as a little confusing. After approaching Mrs. L at her teacher's desk, Student "A" asked for help. Mrs. L very quietly (so as to not disturb the students who were working) explained the instructions. A short time later Students "B," "C," and "D" approached the teacher's desk one at a time, and they too were given private help. However, things changed when Asperger's Student "E" approached the teacher's desk for help. Just as he began to quietly ask for help, Mrs. L said in a harsh and loud tone, "Don't you guys understand it? I'm tired of explaining things and you don't listen!" Student "E" hung his head low and walked back to his desk unclear on how to complete the assignment.

A couple days later, Mrs. L was absent from school and a substitute teacher stood in her place. The lesson plan called only for a quiz followed by the instructions of, "After the quiz, you are to read something quietly on your own." After the quiz, several students individually raised their hands and asked if they could go to their lockers to get something to read. The substitute replied to each of them, "I guess so." However, when Asperger's Student "E" asked to go to his locker to get a book (and he also raised his hand and asked in the same manner and tone as the other students), the substitute said, "You know what, you people should've known beforehand to get things to read before class, so no, no one else gets a book." Student "E" hung his head low and returned to his seat.

I do not know what else to say here, but it strikes me odd how Student "E" has been treated so far in this beginning of the school year. Do we with autism send out some strange aura that makes us vulnerable to disrespect from others?

People tend to disrespect things they do not understand, at least in my experience with people from school (even though it's been years since I went to school)

Yes. I know that I absolutely do.
Sincerity shows weakness and triggers others to take advantage of that weakness.

I've been in a lot of similar situations to what you have said. Like for example, I feel asleep in chemistry in 10th grade. the teacher pulled me out of class and yelled at me in the hallway, causing me to have a minor meltdown and I actually started crying from frustration. Everyone in the class heard.

Literally the next day, another student did the same thing, but she actually let him sleep, because she knew he was in an early class. Thing is, I was in the same early class, and she was aware of this.

Plus in general, if i ever tried to state my opinion in a debate or correct someone's error, no matter how respectful I was about it, I'd suddenly have everyone in the class telling me how wrong I was. But on the rare occasion that another student chimed in and agreed with me, suddenly the attitude about my idea changed, but it was credited to the other student.

I really believe that people can just tell when a person is different, because even when I pointed it out to people they wouldn't know how to explain why they reacted that way to me and only me.

I think the Asperger's student might notice the slights more, and the neurotypical students just not be as affected by it to the point where they feel they need to talk about it or tell on the teacher.

When I was in secondary school, I was treated like a little kid by most of the teachers and was spoken to in a condescending and childish manner whilst my peers were treated as young adults. You can tell that I'm autistic quite easily (I often have a monotone voice, avoid eye contact and walk without swinging my arms and on my toes, and my limited ability to maintain conversation). I attended a mainstream school so a lot of the teachers had no idea as to how to support a disabled student. My head of year, the assistant head teacher and the deputy head master drove me to the brink of sanity while I was there. They thought that I couldn't do anything for myself and made most of my decisions for me. They would also panic if I shut down or had an overload and end up phoning home, and I would be in trouble as a consequence. I hated secondary school.

I am capable of making my own decisions but sometimes need someone to assist me if I'm stuck; I can understand what people are saying guaranteed they use simple and concise sentences which don't confuse me; and I can support myself to a degree.

I agree with andrethemoogle. From my own experiences, people tend to be hostile and judgemental towards things that I do not understand. They can also take advantage of that situation and see autistic people as weak and use that to their own advantages.

I was Student E also.

My explanation. The NTs saw an opportunity to get out and be free for a moment to use the get a book from their locker as an angle to either socialize and get the book at the same time.

Student E just wants a book to read. Since Student E did not have such book it did not occur to ask for retrieving a book because it was not part of the routine of this class. Student E witnessed others given this opportunity and they were not denied. Student E copied the others to the teacher to retrieve the a book like everyone else. It was to late the teacher has obtained a perception that the other students were just using the locker angle to socialize or to waste time in the hall before they returned with a book.

Student E is punished for the student did not catch on the social que to piggy back on the other students opportunity when to moment arose. Student E is perceived as a copy cat and seen as being dishonest by the teacher.

Student E just wants a book to read.

Yes, Student E's plight is very real. Denying or making up excuses to cover up this mistreatment does not do justice to this hurtfully unfair issue. I know precisely what you mean, and how do we tangibly describe it?

Like glider18 described, Student E presents well and treats others respectfully, so why? The uncanny valley is a hypothesis mostly ascribed to human aesthetics, robotics, etc. When any given human feature, manner or behavioural attribute looks really close, but not exactly like, natural those of a natural human being, the response by any given observer is revulsion. Even if the observer (a teacher, in glider18's example) is unaware of his/her bias, they are acting on it. Yes, I think we do have an 'autistic aura' and the unknown is frightening to outsiders and they exact their judgment accordingly.

When I was little I was teased to tears because I seemed slightly robot-like. Although I was well-mannered and certainly high-functioning, I was just slightly deviated from their rigid social standard. Neurotypical people are highly attuned to detecting differences. Now, this discerning trait can be cruel too.

I guess there is no answer, but wouldn't it be revealing if we could somehow record the observer's bias, to show them how they act? Because robots can cry when mistreated.

This makes a lot of sense. When I read the original OP, I just though Student E was a victim of bad timing, but it makes sense that the bad timing could be caused by the delay necessary to process what the other students are doing and follow through.

As a teacher, I can understand why the teacher would get frustrated after so many students asked. *However*, I do try to be fair and if I let one student do such-and-such, I let the others. Too many teachers will let their frustrations get to them and they blow up a bit. I have been on the receiving end of this.

If I had a class where more than 4 students were asking questions about the assignment, I would think that even more did not understand and take the opportunity to reexplain it to the entire class. Those who already understood would be subject to a short review of what I expected, but it would clear things up for all the rest who had questions. Or, I would quickly say, "Who else has a question about the assignment? Raise your hand." and assess the need/how long the line would be if I dealt with individuals.

The teachers in question unfortunately did not handle the situation correctly, and Student E got the heat for it.

Thank you for the replies. What all of you say makes sense to this unfortunate situation. And it is one of those circumstances that is difficult to find a remedy for. I am going to adhere to the number "3," and if it happens a third time to Student "E," I am going to step in and use my intervention specialist status.

I think that's a smart idea.....Student E needs someone who knows and can represents his side.

I am a student E.
I agree, it always seems like I am the one being targeted. I think LabPet's hypothesis is an accurate one.

I've had very similar experiences in school, and in jobs too, where I would be criticized for something that others got by with. But, I've also had the opposite experience just as often, where other people would get reprimanded for something, whereas I would be excused or treated more gently. I think it has to do with coming across as more vulnerable than other people around you. Some people respond to that by showing more kindness or having a sort of protective attitude. And other people just go after it in a predatory sort of way.

People instinctively know they have an advantage over you, or that there will be no consequence to mistreating you.

Last edited by ICollectWatches on 22 Sep 2014, 8:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, the uncanny valley hypothesis can explain a lot of behaviour towards autistics. For example, we may be convinced that we act in a respectful manner, but others may not perceive our behaviour and words as being respectful, simply because I think the autistic understanding of respectful differs from the neurotypical understanding.

The dictionary definition of respectful: feeling or showing deference and respect.

While I take care to show respect, I don't think I am capable of showing deference, i.e. humble submission. The former relates to abilities, qualities, achievements, wishes, and rights, while latter relates to submission to an arbitrary authority in terms of some notion of social rank.

Correct me if I am wrong, but I get the impression that many of us have a sense of fairness that is compatible with the philosophy of anarchism (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anarchism), specifically the rejection of any hierarchical form of social organisation.

Anyone with a non-hierarchical value system will fail at showing genuine deference and any attempts at mimicking deference for pragmatic purposes are likely to be picked up subconsciously as fake by the neurotypical social perceptive filters ? and the uncanny valley effect kicks in.

The aspect of deference is probably exactly the aspect that many teachers place great emphasis on. Additionally, in our childhood many of us will have experienced situations where we knew much more about a particular topic than our teacher. Then also genuine respect goes out the window, especially if the teacher tries to maintain a facade of authority even if alerted to errors or significant gaps in knowledge.

Autistics are true experts in falling out of favour with official "authorities". Note, I can't even bring myself to use the "a" word without quotes

Yes, correct. I usually go to great length to explain how I arrive at a particular conclusion, and point out any uncertainties regarding the supporting evidence or underlying assumptions, no matter how small. Many people will interpret this openness as a weakness or vulnerability, and use it to start a debate and to position themselves as an "authority", without providing any substantive facts or new insights.

In my experience the number of people who value an honest expert assessment/analysis of a situation are a small minority. Most people expect a sugar coated version of the truth that very carefully avoids any potential conflict with the established social hierarchy.