I'm really bothered.

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I was reading through these posts the other day about how some forum members view NTs. Notably, I saw this theme in which NTs are just "there" and to some extent, are like pets.

I found this disturbing in that a lot of these posts reminded me of things my first boyfriend would say. We were fine when we first dated, but when we moved in together, there was a total disconnect. He was also very abusive, and said similar things in the "pet" posts to justify why he did certain things, to include forcing himself on me (sex) while I slept and doing things to me sexually that I did not like. You could add to these things his believe that if your income is less than your partner, you are the partner's subordinate and have no say in what goes on in your relationship. He was insistent that he was on the spectrum and would often times say odd things like, "What if I'm a prophet?" The list goes on. Recalling these things, I just remember his family pulling me aside at times to warn me, saying "If he doesn't treat you right, you need to leave?" This happened repeatedly, like they knew something about him that I didn't, but couldn't tell me exactly what was wrong with him.

Paying close attention to my interactions, sensory issues, and mannerisms that long embarrassed family members when I was younger and deter others from speaking with me, I'm pretty sure I have things that need to be addressed for a long time and in great detail.

But I want to ask: Do you understand the concept of reciprocity? Do you get that some (not all) NTs see you the same way? Or do you see NTs as subhumans who aren't worthy of your time? If the second question yields a positive answer, I'm not surprised as to why people with Asperger's are spoken of and treated so poorly in work settings. It's unfortunate that there are legitimately nice people with this condition who may have others think this. But I saw a lot more people than I'd like to have observed talking about these views.

I can only speak for myself and my own perspective, but I too was dismayed by that "NTs are like pets" thread. I did not relate to the OP's view on that, I thought it VERY odd, and I don't share that view at all.

I also don't see the world as severely divided between NT and autistic, "them" and "us." Everyone is just a human being. We're all in this together. Yes, NT's and autism spectrum people do not function in quite the same way in some or many things. But basically there are also things in common.

We're all just human trying to get through life. I don't understand, condone or enjoy the posts here that speak very vitriolically of the divide. I understand someone feeling sad and bitter that NTs possibly get through life easier, but even that isn't really true entirely. As the song says, everybody hurts sometimes.

Please don't take what some people say as representative of the way all of the people here feel.

As for your ex, he just sounds like a plain jerk and you're well rid of him.

That 'pet' mentality is really disturbing.

Do you understand the concept of reciprocity?
Not really. I'm not very good when it comes to stuff like this.

Do you get that some (not all) NTs see you the same way?
I do understand this. Some people view me as very shy, eccentric and alien - someone to be avoided. Others see me as quirky, very shy and funny and great to be around, and so are more accepting and aware of my autism.

Or do you see NTs as subhumans who aren't worthy of your time?
The view that people with normal neurology (I dislike using the words "neurotypical" or "NT" - they give off a sense of isolation and segregation to me) are "pets" kinda disturbs me. They're just people. We're all people. Yes, people with autism and those without neurological conditions might not function in the same way but they're all human.

Yes, yes, no, and I think you mean "if the third question gets a positive answer". The second one is asking if we realise that not all NTs see us in the same way.

I think so....at least partly. It's hard to put words to, because I understand it as situations and actions and experiences ....and as images I made up in my mind to sort of combine those things into one thing. All I can say is that it involves the idea of mutual/circular exchange, rather than one way transfer. Part of that is treating others as you would like to be treated, but in a very general/abstract sense (e.g treated with kindness and respect), because not everyone wants or needs the same specific things (e.g. to get a hug when they are upset, or to be left alone when they are upset).



Does the second "you" mean "the individual reading" or does it mean "people with autism as a group"?

I don't know a whole lot about how other people see me but based on what I have been told it varies, even while there are common things. I suppose I could say the same thing about autism/ASDers as a group-- what's out there in books and media falls into distinct patterns but there is also variation.



No, NTs are not subhumans. Like others have said, we're all just people and autistic people and non-autistic people are more alike than different. I, too, am disturbed by suggestions that any group of people is subhuman.

How is viewing NT's as subhuman the opposite of having a concept of reciprocity or understanding that some but not all NTs see you the same way? (It seems like you're comparing them as opposites, or like divergent paths forking from a shared path...I'm not sure if this is actually the case but if it is I don't understand)

I don't believe there is a sharp demarcation between autistic people and "NT's." Many times, "NT"s" might have "autistic" characteristics, and vice versa.

The reason why I believe I'm on the Spectrum is because I, when I was very young, exhibited classically-autistic symptoms; subsequently, after I acquired speech, my symptoms became more "Aspergian" (even though Asperger's as a diagnostic category didn't exist until I was 33 years old)

I still have many characteristics which I find to be "Aspergian." I could, at times, relate to the "NT" viewpoint (though from a distance). I believe in collaboration between people on the Spectrum and "NT's."

I believe in the concept of "fair is fair." I don't quite get to the point of "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine," though. I don't want to be obligated to anyone.

I do believe people should reciprocate each other. It's ridiculous to demand more from your partner than you partner desires from you.

I'm also very upset about that as well. There are enough people saying that we're like pets. We don't need to be comparing NTs to pets.

I don't understand seeing humans as pets. I think he meant he attempted to do that as a coping mechanism or something like that.
I don't even see animals as pets, I think of them as friends because I can' t think of anyone as being subordinate to me.

I too am bothered by the kind of threads addressed here. There have been too many of them. I've also seen similar ones earlier about all NTs seeming unintelligent etc. They create a toxic environment and are not healthy for anyone.

It's understandable to post the occasional angry post (I think we all have, at least most of us), but when some post the same kind of posts in thread after thread... It's not good.


Do you understand the concept of reciprocity?
Yes, I do understand it, but it's not always easy for me to act on it or keep it in mind.
Or are you asking if people here make those threads as a way of getting even?

Do you get that some (not all) NTs see you the same way?
Do you mean that some NTs see us as just there and pets? Or that different NTs see us in different ways? And is the "you" plural or singular?
Either way, I know that some think very poorly of us/me, while others are accepting, and that some people will dislike me, others will like me and far more will be indifferent.

Or do you see NTs as subhumans who aren't worthy of your time?
I do not see NTs as subhumans. We're talking about the group our dear families belong to! Do anyone see their family as subhuman?!
But I see most people as not worthy of my time, because other things are more important to me personally. There are very few people (not limited to NTs by the way), almost only my family, who are a priority to me in my life.

And that's my main trouble with the pet thread to be honest. I loved my pets, I do not generally love people. Pets are the best, while there are few people I like, and extremely few I love.
I get that being called a pet is supposed to be a put down, but that makes me uncomfortable TBH because for me pets were the best part of my life, they were like beloved family.