Pretending to be introverted

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I often pretend to be introverted when I don't want people to judge me or treat me differently. This doesn't really work because they think I'm some shy delicate creature that needs to get out of their shell. If I act like myself on bad days people treat me weirdly as well. Ugh. I can ever really win.

If I don't want to talk to someone I just pretend to be sort of evil and really aloof. It's not so much about people not thinking I'm weird, it's more about making people think I'm extra weird until they stop annoying me.

I often pretend to be evil and aloof as well. Apparently people in middle school thought I was a stuck up b!tch. I don't really care. That's way better than people thinking I'm autistic.

If I act aloof to someone because I do not trust them their reaction nearly always seems to automatically call me a rhymes-with-witch. They don't know the real me, that I've been hurt so badly by trusting people in the past that I now can't trust anyone, and their reaction pretty well confirms that belief.

Just this past summer I was cheated out of a couple of dollars for being NICE and not wanting to look like the world's biggest jerk by turning turning them down. Several people there were begging for money in the parking lot at the mall, and some guy with a bandaged leg made up some sob story to me that he needed change for the bus because he had injured his leg and had no money. I gave it to him and he walks perfectly fine and uses it too buy some cigarettes from some other guy. I went to him and told him I'd seen this, and someone from the store even came over to see what was going on. It was only a couple of dollars I lost but I was reminded how people take advantage of you, and I was angry at myself for being stupid enough to fall for their lies.

I'm not sure if I'm a true introvert or if I have a "learned" introversion because I've discovered I'm more comfortable if I just keep to myself. I do want & need a lot of alone time even in my own family. But the times in my life when I was truly alone (living by myself in an apartment), I remember being horribly lonely, but then if I had the opportunity to have people around, I would freak out and not want people around. I think what I mostly just wanted was some kind of companionship, without the pressure of begin truly "social".

Otherwise yes I keep to myself, avoid socializing even in situations where socializing is expected, and yes people read that as me being a stuck-up b!tch. Which used to bother me, but now I'm just like, whatever, it's still better than having to socialize.

My mother-in-law is convinced that I'm just shy and lonely and desperately, secretly, wanting to be more social, and she is SO WRONG. Some day I'm going to explode on her and have some tirade about how I hate most people and enjoy being by myself and being able to control the few social interactions I have outside of my immediate family. I think most people simply can't believe that anyone would actually feel that way, and so they have to come up with some other "plausible" explanation.

I end up sounding evil any time I speak in monotone. When I don't speak in monotone people think I'm pretentious (when I'm not trying to be aloof).

I know I am taking this quote out of context but I think that describes me well. I "forced" myself to be introverted because being around other kids in school was a downright horrific experience. Again, not so much for the beatings but the fact I was the black sheep and nobody would allow me to eat with them, sit on the bus with them or help me. When your whole world turns on you, you develop survival skills. One of mine was "introversion". Like a child being abused, it was easier to accept that I was "introverted" than that ALL the other kids in the class had no integrity.

This. I wasn't allowed to sit down on the bus all throughout junior high. It was awful. Even the school-bus driver wouldn't come to my aid-- I remember getting the impression that she was actually embarrassed by my ineptitude and unwillingness to "stand up for myself", even though I'm a girl and I think usually boys have that problem more often (expected to defend themselves). I remember feeling really betrayed by that--- that an adult would side against me with the other kids. Now when I look back I can see that she was so pathetic that she was actually sucking up to the "cool girls" on the bus after school when waiting for the bus to fill up-- like, asking them about their boyfriends etc. She wanted to be accepted as cool by some junior-high school girls! Sigh.

So yeah-- in junior high for sure I learned to keep my head down and try to be invisible as much as possible. It helped me survive school, but it also had a lasting negative affect on me in other ways.

I do think I'm naturally quite introverted-- even around family and friends I HAVE to have "alone time"-- but not as much as I've made myself to be, for extra safety and comfort.

I try to act angry and agressive if its someone who annoys me or sometimes I act like I don't care about anything/ignoring everything

i don't pretend to be anything. i just sit there and look at what takes my eye and ignore the rest of reality. people do not stick around long when they get no attention from me.