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Alyosha
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15 Oct 2014, 6:21 pm

evilreligion wrote:
There still remain a potential rape danger for attractive female aspies though, so female aspies please be extra careful out there!!


you dont have to be attractive for people to want to rape you. like not even remotely.



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16 Oct 2014, 10:14 am

Alyosha wrote:
evilreligion wrote:
There still remain a potential rape danger for attractive female aspies though, so female aspies please be extra careful out there!!


you dont have to be attractive for people to want to rape you. like not even remotely.


Indeed. But an attractive woman will get more male attention. If that woman is not socially aware and a bit naive then she is more likely to end up in a potential rape situation.
Most rapes occur not through violent predators staling the streets and laying in wait to pounce out from behind a bush on a passing female but through "date rape" where it starts off with a guy chatting up a women and then either getting them drunk and raping them because she is too drunk to consent or luring them into a situation where rape is possible i.e. into a lonely place. Most rapes occur through manipulation and coercion often aided with alcohol and drugs rather than through physical violence and direct force.

An attractive woman is more likely to be hit on in the first place and so more likely to end up in those situations if she is not aware enough as to what is going on. Due to a certain level of social naievty and an impaired ability to "read" motives in others aspie women are particularly vulnerable to this kind of coercion and manipulation by those inclined to rape. Further more if the potential rapist has cottoned on to the fact that the woman in question is autistic then he might also figure that he has more chance of getting away with it. Sadly, given societies prejudices towards autsitic people, they are probably correct on that assumption.

All this make aspie women and attractive aspie women in particular, vulnerable. All of you please take extra care, that's all I'm saying.



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16 Oct 2014, 10:45 am

How does one even know if they are attractive anyways?


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16 Oct 2014, 12:24 pm

evilreligion wrote:
Alyosha wrote:
evilreligion wrote:
There still remain a potential rape danger for attractive female aspies though, so female aspies please be extra careful out there!!


you dont have to be attractive for people to want to rape you. like not even remotely.


Indeed. But an attractive woman will get more male attention. If that woman is not socially aware and a bit naive then she is more likely to end up in a potential rape situation.
Most rapes occur not through violent predators staling the streets and laying in wait to pounce out from behind a bush on a passing female but through "date rape" where it starts off with a guy chatting up a women and then either getting them drunk and raping them because she is too drunk to consent or luring them into a situation where rape is possible i.e. into a lonely place. Most rapes occur through manipulation and coercion often aided with alcohol and drugs rather than through physical violence and direct force.

An attractive woman is more likely to be hit on in the first place and so more likely to end up in those situations if she is not aware enough as to what is going on. Due to a certain level of social naievty and an impaired ability to "read" motives in others aspie women are particularly vulnerable to this kind of coercion and manipulation by those inclined to rape. Further more if the potential rapist has cottoned on to the fact that the woman in question is autistic then he might also figure that he has more chance of getting away with it. Sadly, given societies prejudices towards autsitic people, they are probably correct on that assumption.

All this make aspie women and attractive aspie women in particular, vulnerable. All of you please take extra care, that's all I'm saying.


What about if both parties initially want to have sex but then one or both regret it later, or what if two intoxicated people(to much so to 'consent' have sex and sober up and realize they wouldn't have done that if it weren't for the drugs/alcohol....then are they both guilty of rape? Just seems there is apparently a fine line between rape and f*** up's involving sex where there is confusion on both sides but neither one really forced anything on the other. I could also see a male with autism getting tricked into some weird situation where they are coerced into sex and then the female might claim rape to f*** them over it just seems like a confusing issue.


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16 Oct 2014, 2:31 pm

hollowmoon wrote:
I think that no attention is better than negative attention.


I agree.

MatchingBlues wrote:
It quickly sunk in that while I have no problems attracting men simply because of how they think I look, it doesn't take long until they realize something is off. And then they get upset about it, like they were cheated or that I lied to them somehow.


Same for me.

It's almost like they expect me to be a completely different person than I am, just because of what I look like. Then when they find out what I'm really like, I feel like I'm judged for it a lot more harshly than I might have been otherwise. Plus I've had guys actually try to change me to make me be more like what they expected.

Similar things have happened with friendships too.

evilreligion wrote:
Attractiveness always gets attention so regardless of where you are on the spectrum you will get noticed more. Whether that is good or bad will depend on whether you want attention.


Not just a matter of whether you want it. But whether or not you can actually handle it and know how to respond to it.

evilreligion wrote:
Attractiveness is almost always a positive, it will mean people will tend to like you more, do things for you and pay more attention to what you have to say.


That might be true for attractive NTs, at least for those who know how to make it work to their advantage. But I suspect it doesn't work the same way for autistic people.

But either way, I think people actually pay less attention to what you have to say. They seem to just stare at the person and hear but not really listen. Especially if you are female, you encounter men who pretend they are paying attention to you when they are actually not remotely interested in what you have to say. As a salesperson I occasionally get my time wasted with that.

Personally I haven't experienced people wanting to "do things" for me as much I've encountered people (men) wanting me to "do things" for them.



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16 Oct 2014, 2:48 pm

I agree with the OP.

An AS friend of mine is very fit and attractive. I've pointed out that based on how he looks to others, he should feel like a million bucks & is constantly "walking the red carpet"? yet he's shy and anxious. I completely get his thoughts, feelings, self perceptions etc and accept them since I know all too well just how AS influences people, but I also get the OP's point about aesthetics transferring into social expectations because I have the same sorts of expectations of my AS friend based on how he looks & I perceive him from the outside. Meanwhile, if he were out of shape and unattractive, I wouldn't likely have the same expectation that he be confident and socially adept.


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16 Oct 2014, 3:07 pm

hollowmoon wrote:
I think that attractive Aspies have a much harder time. For reference I was a professional model for a while. I have noticed that when a person with subpar/ horrific social skills (like me) are attractive it makes it 1000 times worse. People have this impossible standard that attractive people have social graces and are popular and get weirded out when your not. Also if you make a social error people are not sympathetic and think you did it on purpose. I think that NT's judge social ability too much on looks and when you don't fit that mold it gives them the creeps. Its almost like its too heavy of a contradiction. What do you think, have you noticed this?


I get exactly what you're saying here.
It is due to the direct association between social expectations and the pressures that result in individuals "making" themselves more attractive. It's a process of fitting oneself into the hive.
The assumption is that if you're very attractive, then it MUST be because you have gone to great lengths to do things to yourself to make you more accepted by the masses. The assumption being that you must know exactly what to do if you have shown evidence that you have done it.
Most people attempt to make themselves more attractive because they are obsessed with sexual status/hierarchy, and the acceptance and identity validation that comes with it.

Look up information on "The Uncanny Valley" for a more detailed account of how it creeps people out.



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16 Oct 2014, 3:14 pm

olympiadis wrote:
The assumption is that if you're very attractive, then it MUST be because you have gone to great lengths to do things to yourself to make you more accepted by the masses. The assumption being that you must know exactly what to do if you have shown evidence that you have done it.


Wow I hadn't thought of it that way. That makes perfect sense.



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16 Oct 2014, 3:24 pm

L_Holmes wrote:
It is the same for other positive traits too, like intelligence. People will tell me I should be able to do this and that because I am smart, when really intelligence has nothing to do with it. It's silly, but that's how some people think.


Yes, like if you're so smart you can solve a physics equation or Rubix Cube quickly, then you should easily be able to understand and act perfectly NT.



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16 Oct 2014, 4:01 pm

This

V V V V

Raleigh wrote:
Having said that, I believe it is more difficult when you're attractive and have AS because you can't deal with the attention you attract - both positive and negative.


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16 Oct 2014, 4:52 pm

dianthus wrote:
olympiadis wrote:
The assumption is that if you're very attractive, then it MUST be because you have gone to great lengths to do things to yourself to make you more accepted by the masses. The assumption being that you must know exactly what to do if you have shown evidence that you have done it.


Wow I hadn't thought of it that way. That makes perfect sense.


A good deal of beauty, overlapping with one's physicality, is poise. We've all encountered individuals who are really beautiful mostly due to how they carry themselves and their demeanor. An expectation of being attractive is that we are also poised......(which isn't always my case). Confidence does go a long way.


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05 Mar 2015, 10:16 am

I didn't even know attractive aspies existed. My mind has been enlightened!



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05 Mar 2015, 10:23 am

Just look at the pictures posted on this Site.



elysian1969
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05 Mar 2015, 1:46 pm

LabPet wrote:
And I can struggle with mean women, especially those who are manipulative and gossip. For me, females bullies are the worst. :cry:

Attractive people may be assumed more outgoing; the antithesis of Asperger's traits. So there is a behavioural dichotomy, and others may not be so understanding.


I never had to worry about anyone confusing me for being attractive. The only problem I had in that regard is that the "boobs fairy" visited upon me very early. When you are 13 and rocking the 36Cs, believe that all the 13-15 year old boys will notice those. But other than one pervo who chased me around trying to (unsuccessfully may I add) grab the puppies, I didn't get a whole lot of positive male attention. Once the other girls got their chests filled out, I very quickly disappeared from any kind of radar screen.

What was weird for me is that I have two NT sisters- one three years older than me and one 18 months older than me. Both of them were (and still are) better looking than me by a long shot. People would assume that I was outgoing and a social butterfly (and God forbid, good at sports, LOL) like them, but they were very disappointed to discover that I am nothing like either of my sisters. Teachers in school would compare me to them and not in a favorable light, either. I had greater academic ability (and got better grades) than either of my sisters, but I don't think I can name a single teacher who had anything positive to say about having me in his/her class. I would be reminded by a good number of my teachers (pretty much daily,) "Oh, I really enjoyed having your sister(s) in my class," as if to underscore the fact that I was a quiet, frumpy and distant disappointment by comparison.

I am dating myself here too, but guys would ask me for my phone number (in the days before personal cell phones) so they could call my sisters.

In some ways being frumpy and plain helped me blend into the wall, which was what I wanted to do most of the time anyway.

It was more of a challenge when my son (also NT, and very extroverted) was growing up because then I had to do the social things for his benefit. Today it's easier because at my age nobody looks past "vertical and breathing," and I care less and less about others' opinions of me with each passing day. I pick and choose the social situations I put myself in, which are few and far between apart from the social interactions I have to partake in at work. :heart: :skull:


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05 Mar 2015, 2:12 pm

Women are attracted to me and I am highly intelligent and articulate and polite. I put off a good first impression. I'm not bragging. I've learned over time how to avoid getting negative attention by dressing and acting in a socially acceptable way in public. However, I have never acted the way a typical male behaves due to my AS. People have interpreted it as me being a snob or stuck up. I think if I had normal intelligence or still looked like I did when I was an ugly awkward teenager, people would attribute my social mistakes to me being a "nerd". I don't think it is harder for people who are attractive, just different. I have had advantages from being attractive and presenting myself well. I get jobs. I have women flirt with me (although I have no idea how to react). I KNOW I can get sex if I want it, which I know is a HUGE advantage of being attractive. No matter how attractive one is, I believe the social impairments of Asperger's are hard.

TANGENT TIME:

Interesting fact, Darryl Hannah has been reported to have AS. She is hot, especially in Kill Bill. I wonder how people perceive her as a pin-up model and movie star?

I also think about Jennifer Aniston (who isn't autistic but had her own emotional issues). She was a sex symbol in the 90's and is still one of the most admired women in the world for her attractiveness. Yet she isn't happily married and never had any children and doesn't seem to be very self-confident. That TOTALLY flies in the face of what I would expect from her.