Am I the only one who doesn't belong in his family?

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Butterfiend
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22 Oct 2014, 5:37 pm

I Don't know why, but I feel like I don't even belong in the family I was born into. I have (Like, one or two) close friends that I feel like are closer to me than my family is. I know they love me, I just always have kept my distance from them and I'm not sure why. Is this normal for people with AS? It's sad because I see people that have such close relationships with their relatives, but I don't want much to do with mine. :(


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22 Oct 2014, 5:39 pm

I'm not close to my family either even though I love them. I think it's a buildup of a lot of miscommunications and misunderstandings.



RoadRatt
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22 Oct 2014, 5:43 pm

I've never belonged in my family, I was always the quiet odd one out. I get along with my family well enough but it's all so dysfunctional that I rarely see any of them even though we all live within 15 minutes of each other.


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em_tsuj
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22 Oct 2014, 7:57 pm

I never bonded with my family--only a few select members. I feel guilty sometimes but I know I can't help it.



crystalc1973
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22 Oct 2014, 8:33 pm

The only people in my family I ever felt close to were my older sister and my dad and they are both dead now. My mother, older brothers, and sisters inlaw just never got me and would pick on me and label me. The final straw was when I got divorced and shortly after met the man I am now married to. They could never accept him so I went my own way and kept contact to a minimum. After my mom died last month, I was once again in contact with one of my brothers, who at first seemed like he actually cared, but when he learned about my choices in life, he stopped speaking to me....I should have known. That will be the last he ever hears from me. My mother disinherited me, and as far as aunts, uncles, cousins etc., they pretty much always thought of me as the "weird one" because here I was a kid with AS being dragged to social family gatherings, a recipe for disaster if ever there was one, and of course I acted nervous and withdrawn. Today I basically call myself an orphan, I am glad I had the supportive father and sister that I had, but the rest of them can just get bent as far as I'm concerned.


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Skilpadde
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22 Oct 2014, 8:39 pm

It's the complete opposite for me. My family are the only people I have ever bonded with IRL, and the only place where I belong. I have always had very good relations with my mother (have always viewed her as more of a friend in many ways than a mother) and my maternal grandfather. I also loved my maternal grandmother but had a more difficult relationship with her (as did my mother I might add; she could be difficult). I have poorer relations with my father and none with his family.
I love my family, and my mother is the only person I can talk to about everything, we are very close. I have never felt any connection with anyone else IRL. My family is everything to me.


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auntblabby
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22 Oct 2014, 9:44 pm

let's see... :chin: I am the only one that is over 6' tall. the only one with non-brown eyes [hazel/olive/greenish brown]. the only one not wearing glasses. the only liberal. the list goes on.



nick007
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23 Oct 2014, 12:09 am

I never felt like I fit in with my family. No one in my family has anything like Aspergers & I have other mental & physical things my parents weren't fully aware of. We always had lots of problems getting along because of my struggles & they felt that I should be doing alot better than I could because they've known people who are disabled with only one or two areas who can do most everything so they think I'm not trying. They also have very hard work ethics & worked hard all their lives & belive I'm just as capable.


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CyclopsSummers
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23 Oct 2014, 12:18 am

I used to feel very much at home with my family, in fact I would say that they have been very supportive in my youngest years, and this was mainly due to my mother. However, in recent years, I've grown increasingly estranged from them. We just don't seem to 'get' each other; our interests and our views on life differ widely. The only one I can comfortably talk to about anything, is still my mother.

I feel I 'belong' better when I go outside the house and meet with people who share my interests/hobbies; they tend to have a more open disposition than any of my relatives, barring my mother who's a neo-hippie.


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LonelyJar
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26 Oct 2014, 11:01 pm

"Baa, baa, black sheep. Have you any wool?"
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CockneyRebel
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26 Oct 2014, 11:26 pm

Don't talk through your nose! Don't talk through your nose! Don't talk thorough your nose! You're in Canada! Act Canadian! You're not funny! Don't talk through your nose! You sound like you're from England! Don't talk through your nose! You'll never be a man! Stop playing with cars....you're a girl! You are not a boy! Girls aren't supposed to get into fights! There are some things that aren't ladylike to say! Sit like a lady! Sit properly! That really bothers me....can't you speak with higher voices?....I want you two to sound like girls! Stop talking about the USA! The only reason you said that is because it reminds you of something! I KNOW WHICH PART OF THAT COMMERCIAL YOU LIKE....GIVE IT A REST!


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27 Oct 2014, 1:48 pm

In other words, I've always struggled with that sense of family belonging. It wasn't until my sister had her baby that I started feeling like a part of my family again.


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momofteenaspie
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30 Oct 2014, 11:42 am

I'm an NT and even NTs feel that way. Especially if the social, economic and cultural backgrounds are different between parents and kids. If you come from a dysfunctional family and you see clearly where the dysfunctions are and it's not only your dysfunction it's thirs as well but they don't get it, they think their ways and beliefs etc. are perfect, while you know they're totally not healthy and so subjective then, yes, it's normal to feel that you're related by blood and there's love, too, but they can seem like they're from another planet. Especially if they were raised in one country and you (specifically me in this case) were raised in another. Also the diff. of rural lives for parents vs. city life for me. Also differnt levels of education and experiences (rural catholic, vs. wild, fast lane and urban), who your contemporaries are and what ideas you get from them, how they shape your ideas, vs. how your parents contemporaries shape theirs.



skibum
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30 Oct 2014, 11:45 am

Butterfiend wrote:
I Don't know why, but I feel like I don't even belong in the family I was born into. I have (Like, one or two) close friends that I feel like are closer to me than my family is. I know they love me, I just always have kept my distance from them and I'm not sure why. Is this normal for people with AS? It's sad because I see people that have such close relationships with their relatives, but I don't want much to do with mine. :(
I always felt that way growing up. It took me decades to learn to get close to my biological family and it took a lot of determination and work to do that. I still feel closer to some other people than to them though but I am closer to them now than I have ever been. I would imagine it's pretty common for AS.


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funeralxempire
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30 Oct 2014, 12:25 pm

When I was younger I felt very little connection to my family. I'm still so reliant on my parents as an adult that I'm starting to feel a deeper connection to them. I feel guilty that their oldest kid is also the one who's least adapted to adulthood, the only one to not attend any sort of post-secondary education and a number of other negatives.

I'm pretty close to my brothers though, especially the younger one.



BeggingTurtle
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30 Oct 2014, 10:23 pm

I don't feel connected to my parents very strongly, but I don't despise them.

I am close to my brother and sister though.


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