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calstar2
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30 Oct 2014, 5:21 pm

(Yes, I am making this because I got curious after reading another thread posted today.)

I am deeply affected by death if it's somebody/something I know. I have all of the death dates memorized of anybody/thing that was remotely significant to me.

1. I cried as a child when my fish died and ended up burying them all because I could never bear to flush them feeling as though it made them seem insignificant to me. (multiple ages below 10)

2. When my first guinea pig died, I cried myself to sleep for a good week and the thought of him still brought me to tears for a good few months after that. (age 12)

3. When my other two guinea pigs had died in their own time, I spent the days following down and out after the initial hysterical reaction. (ages 13 and 14)

4. My paternal grandmother died when I was 14 and I wasn't close with her in the slightest. My family saw her about a twice a year and she had been on her death bed for years at that point. Nonetheless, I wasn't able to control my sobbing when she died. At her funeral, I couldn't stop from crying for more than a couple minutes and I swear that I cried harder and longer than anybody else there. Both of my NT siblings were unaffected as, like I said, we did not know her well. I wouldn't say that I really cared that she was dead, but I couldn't help but feel this deep sorrow over it.

5. When my dog died, I was down for about a week whereas my NT family members were sad but not *that* sad. There was no huge reaction to it initially, instead it was just a numb feeling. I cried over him every few days for 4-6 months. (Age 17)

6. There were multiple incidents when my dog would kill an animal like a bird or something and I'd feel such immense guilt over it that I'd bury it.

I don't think I fully understand death and I believe I see it similarly to an older child.



funeralxempire
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30 Oct 2014, 5:29 pm

To death we say 'haha, not today'.

More seriously I tend to not be bothered by death at all. My reactions have always been understated. People close to me die and I respond no differently from any other interruption to a relationship with another person.



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30 Oct 2014, 5:32 pm

For me, it varies so much that I really can't say. It is completely situational. Sometimes I feel completely unaffected. Other times I am in such distress I can't even speak. And it does not matter if the person was close or not, I never know how I am going to respond. I do grieve very strongly and consistently for the loss of pets though. And people in my family tend to die in groups so sometimes I get overwhelmed and I think that causes me to become desensitized. Sometimes I am in distress for months and years, other times I am not even bothered.


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wisenupjanetweiss
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30 Oct 2014, 5:41 pm

I feel like I'm pretty immensely affected by any type of permanent separation from a person/animal/etc.

I've always cried a lot when my pets died, or when family or friends have died.

I cry a lot when I come to the realization I'll never see a person again, even if they are alive and well.

I cry a lot in anticipation of the death of say, a pet with a short life span (my hamster), or one that is dying (my old dog with congestive heart failure), or if I don't think I'll get to spend much/any time with someone due to separation. When a friend I have no other way to contact deactivates their Facebook account. Etc.

I feel like I tend to mourn the loss of a presence more than the loss of a life because my mind is unable to entirely process "death".



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30 Oct 2014, 5:47 pm

Death affects me even if its a person I never saw or knew
But here are some memorable deaths which hurt me a lot:

1) first death which occured in my life and which was destructive to me and still is until today: my cousin's death, I was 6 years old at that time I really couldn't believe it, it hit me so bad to the core of my head and heart it made me so sad and depressed for years, ever since my cousin died I felt something, a big piece of my life has gone

2) my baby brother was the second; its hell planted in your feelings to loose a sibiling I cry whenever remembering about him. I always and until now think of how it would've been if he was alive and how old he'd be and how our relationship would be, I always look at 5th graders and remember him he'd be that age and grade if he was alive

3) my grandfather, he was the only grandparent I met and had left alive I cried when he died but didn't feel as sad and affected as when my cousin and brother died, maybe because I was older



Lukecash12
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30 Oct 2014, 5:47 pm

I'm not verbal in my response and can be highly irritable if someone addresses me about my reaction, when I am in fact having a reaction because it did have some impact. Most times I am very contemplative, and when it hits closer to home I do have strange flashbacks, dreams, and many vivid memories. But most of all I am insular and I don't appreciate it when others probe me about it, I will tell them what I think if I happen to have the inclination. Otherwise it is not their business whoever they are, family or not, because some things are very personal and the most vivid thoughts I have belong to me alone.

Of course the magnitude is different but this is similar to how I feel when I spend time with friends who are veterans and people start to ask them inappropriate questions. Sometimes they are okay with the questions but many times they aren't and I just don't think it's a proper subject to talk about unless you are very close with that person and he/she decides to mention it. I do understand that interviews can be a good thing because they volunteer to do it and it is necessary that people understand it well enough to be appreciative and actively support them.

On a fairly shallow level I can understand what they mean because I have been around people while they were dying, and even while they died. They say things and make sounds that I would never share because it is highly unpleasant. The best I could describe it is just much too vivid and unpleasant of a memory.


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azstar1992
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30 Oct 2014, 6:40 pm

that is a difficult one.
when my mother died i noticed that i was not crying whilst everyone else around me was
i tried to force myself to cry but then i realized that crying for other people was perhaps wrong?
i was however depressed and i did not notice it.

i was tired all the time and i did manage to cry about 3 months after i realized i would never see my mother again.
i cried because of how my life would change and how i would miss her (she was the only person who perhaps understood me)
i cried because of opportunities.


there is no set way to do with death. it depends on how the death affects you
it can be nothing or it can be your whole world crashing

i just turned 16 after my mother died



andrethemoogle
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30 Oct 2014, 6:43 pm

I generally cry if it was a person / pet who was close to me or if it was an influential figure in the media that I liked.

We had to put my dog Sasha down back in 2005, I still get upset from it time to time. Same with when my nana died in 2008.



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30 Oct 2014, 6:45 pm

I don't tend to react to the death of somebody close to me with as much overt passion as most people. This has caused people to think I'm cold. Maybe I am?

I have my "moments," though. I might shed tears in private.

I really believe people should just live, and not dwell on their own future death, or the death of others.

I'm afraid of my own death, frankly. I wish I had more than 30-40 more years to live.



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30 Oct 2014, 7:44 pm

I haven't been close to anyone who died but I had a couple pets dye. I didn't cry or act too differntly but I felt sad inside about it. I just don't express emotions too much.


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30 Oct 2014, 8:31 pm

You just sound like a sensitive person. There is nothing wrong, and a lot right with that. I tend that way too, particularly with animals and even bugs. I watch where I step to avoid stepping on something inadvertently. I don't like to even cut down plants unnecessarily. Yet I have witnessed deaths more then once and was a soldier for a long time. So death, as odd as it seems can be like a job, with the caviat, that I believed what I was doing was necessary or at least hoped it was. With people I can also feel sadness but it is mostly tied to if they were close or the specific circumstances and loss it entails. Its easier when it comes naturally, and harder when premature. I especially feel terrible if I contributed in some way. The best is when the life was fully lived and it simply was time. Then their can be sadness, but not regret. But even when a pet or wild animals life is cut short, as long as I know I did all I could to deal with the injury or illness, then I can be sad, but at peace. Maybe its the acceptance and peace part that is slow in coming to you.



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30 Oct 2014, 9:01 pm

Death is a strange thing for me... It's been a part of my daily life, through dreams, for as long as I can remember. It's rare that I don't dream about someone dying.
When someone around me dies, it affects me pretty strongly, even if I wasn't that close to them. When I was 3, my great grandma died and I apparently would talk about it all the time, "Great grandma died!"
When I was 12, my paternal grandpa died and while I didn't cry, I did go into a depressive funk over it for months.
A few years ago, when I was 5 months pregnant with my first child, a couple of my husband's friends died in two separate accidents on his mother's birthday, and then less than two months later my paternal grandma died and I had to be taken off work because I had a nervous/emotional breakdown and couldn't function for months. I ended up just quitting. Then my husband's grandpa died shortly after I gave birth. The following year, on the anniversary of my grandma's death, her oldest daughter (my aunt) died an hour after I told my dad I was pregnant again. The following week, an old family friend died and my maternal grandpa went into the hospital. He died the following week and my husband's grandma was put in the hospital and we ended up losing 3 pets due to various illnesses the following months. I ended up just shutting down. I can't really say if I've recovered yet. Shoot, I still cry about losing my McKay cat 4 years ago... I still dream, and cry, about Twilight, my cat that I had for 16 years before he died almost 10 years ago.

Yet, though I don't handle people or animals around me dying, I'm so fascinated with it. I collect Victorian death photos, have been obsessed with serial killers, and in many of my stories that I write, the protagonist dies. Death is a natural process, it happens to everyone regardless of their status in life, Death isn't picky. The other day after my dad was in a bad motorcycle accident, I told him that not wanting people to die is incredibly selfish, but that it's ok to be selfish. He replied that it just means the person cares and that's a good thing for people to know. I don't mourn the death of a person, for that person, but for myself and for the living. We are left with a hole that can't be filled. Those who have died don't care (that we know of). We mourn for the living. And I don't know how to fix that loss... or if I want to.


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31 Oct 2014, 1:30 am

I believe death is a blessed release from the travail of living on earth. a great man said it best-

The Body of B. Franklin, Printer,
Like the Cover of an old Book,
Its Contents torn out,
And stript of its Lettering & Gilding,
Lies here, Food for Worms.
But the work shall not be lost;
For it will, as he believed, appear once more
In a new and more elegant Edition
Corrected and improved
By the Author.


my spiritual faith tides me over. i fear only pain. there is nothing to be feared of Death, for i believe i've died countless times and likely will die countless more times.
another great author [Rumi] said:

I died as a mineral and became a plant;
I died as a plant and rose to animal;
I died as animal and I was a man.
Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?
Yet once more I shall die as man to soar
With angels blest. Yet even from an angel
I must pass on; All except God must perish.
When I have sacrificed my angel soul,
I shall become what no mind ever conceived.



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31 Oct 2014, 2:59 am

In general, hearing about the death of someone I knew has no effect on me.
It is no different to me than someone going away to some (physical) place where I will never see them again, and I've gotten very used to that.

I believe that is because it is extremely rare for me to form a strong emotional bond with anyone.
There are two creatures whose deaths saddened me (one a friend, the other a dog), but I do not grieve in a typical way.
I went about my business as usual, not feeling any different, but then at night I would cry for a few minutes before falling asleep (only for a few days though).



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31 Oct 2014, 4:26 am

Important topic, but I am afraid my English is not good enough to discuss it. All I can say is that so many people have died before me. Should we ask them?


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31 Oct 2014, 4:41 am

Krabo wrote:
Important topic, but I am afraid my English is not good enough to discuss it. All I can say is that so many people have died before me. Should we ask them?

ask George Anderson. [google him]