Is it strange that I actually like talking with people?

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mr_bigmouth_502
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03 Dec 2014, 8:24 am

With close friends or family, I'll often yak on and on about things like philosophy, computers, games, and music, and I rather quite enjoy it, particularly when the other person reciprocates. Of course, sometimes I tend to talk too much and "info dump", which causes people's heads to spin, but I do generally enjoy good conversation.

I just think it's kind of odd because I'm an aspie, and we're often stereotyped as being asocial/antisocial. I don't like constantly interacting with people, and I tend to shy away from crowds, but when I'm in a car with someone, or watching TV or whatever, I like to talk. I also spend an inordinate amount of time talking with people online, particularly on forums. I find they provide a good compromise between instant messaging and email as far as pace goes, and I like the fact that there's more of a community structure.

Ironically, on most of the personality tests I've taken, I score very highly as an introvert. I'm not really sure if I'm an introvert or an extrovert, because I crave attention from other people, but I hate crowds and dealing with social niceties. I just like talking with people informally one on one.



ImAnAspie
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03 Dec 2014, 8:28 am

Hence the name, mr_bigmouth_502?

I tend not to talk too much. I don't have anything of interest to say to these people that they would be interested in. Likewise, they have nothing to say that would interest me. I'm bored with this life!! !


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mr_bigmouth_502
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03 Dec 2014, 8:32 am

^Sort of. :P I came up with this name about 10 years ago, partially because I didn't have much of a "filter" when I was younger, and I tended to shoot my mouth off and just say whatever was on my mind.



yournamehere
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03 Dec 2014, 8:45 am

I think most autistics are generally introverted. This is just my opinion, and it may not be worth a grain of salt, but some co-morbids may put you on a more extroverted "scale".

However when it comes to a balanced life, where people require social interaction, and alone time. Can be shy, or aggressive, depending on the situation, that is something that in the middle of the scale. It is an ambivert.

Introvert, or extrovert, for me is too one sided. Life requires balance, experience, and practice.

I never hear the word ambivert in any psychological texts, and I believe it is an invaluable description of a well balanced individual.

To me what people try to make you believe is like some "Boss, and slave" scale, and that is all there is. I find it rediculous.

Autistics are very unbalanced individuals most of the time, and it can be worked on if the was a practice of ambiversion.

Just my thought, shoot it down if you like. :D



anthropic_principle
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03 Dec 2014, 9:13 am

i think most aspies tend to not be like this.. so i guess you could call it strange.



QuiversWhiskers
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03 Dec 2014, 9:38 am

I don't think it's odd. I think the stereotype is "odd" and doesn't allow for personality. I think that is damaging to a lot of people are probably are Aspergian, but can't get help because of their supposed "extroversion".

I only suspect I am on the spectrum so this may not be useful to you, but I am a lot the same way. I can talk way too much when I am one-on-one with someone I know very well and not extremely nervous or in that weird "tired" zone where I have no words. I can do small talk in small groups of familiar people that I am comfortable with. But in very large social groups (like some churches that knew me when I was younger and had all that severe mutism and awkwardness and "shyness") where I am just acquainted with the other people, I usually can't approach people even though I really, really want to, and used to get kind of frozen. Now that I am loosening up and understanding better what might be going on, I get more stimmy, which I've always done to a small degree (nail biting and bouncing my back against a wall, and bouncing on the outside edges of my feet in my shoes or doing visual stuff, playing with jewelry, though for the "walking it off" or pacing which usually results in odd laughing, I go to the bathroom). Maybe I just think it was small before because I am more aware of it now. I'd rather loosen up and possibly stick out than suffer the stress of holding it all in and having a nasty meltdown later. Better to vent than to explode.

The problem is that I really like people. I consider myself an extrovert in that I do like people and do want people and I do get energy from being with people I really, really like but I can't control that energy and end up having a happy session (something I don't do in public if I can help it) and then sort of just shutting down, not really depressed, just tired in a good way, a comfortable empty way. But no one would say I am extroverted. I come across in public, depending on the place and situation, as being "quiet", "nervous", "reserved", "shy", "aloof", and "different".

I think it's normal and I hope you have opportunities to be with the people you want to be around. I know how painful and depressing and hopeless it is when you don't have those opportunities. Unfortunately, crowds are often the places where people meet each other for the first time and when you have severe difficulties in those situations, you can end up giving wrong impressions, like that you aren't interested, and people stop approaching you.

It's too bad, but so many emotional and mental health problems could be solved if one just didn't like people so much :wink:



mr_bigmouth_502
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03 Dec 2014, 9:48 am

I have a love/hate relationship with people. Like I mentioned earlier, I crave companionship, but I hate crowds, and I hate having to deal with a large amount of people in a small space of time, and I often have days where I would much rather mess around on my computer than talk to anybody, at least in person. Online interaction is way easier, since it's more informal and I don't have to worry about things like speech or body language, or memorizing what the other person is saying as they talk. I tend to spend a lot of time alone, but there are certain people who I wish I had the chance to see more often, that way I could come out of my shell a little bit. In person, I'm usually very particular about the people I like to talk to, and when there's no one around I like talking with, I just won't talk with them. I guess this is what they call "selective mutism".



QuiversWhiskers
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03 Dec 2014, 9:57 am

I rarely seek others out just to do stuff and am more comfortable alone, but when I am out, I usually can put on the act. There are just particular people that I get a "high" off of (and I can't even talk to them). I have instances where I am very talkative and others where I am the opposite. Makes people think I am mad at them or upset about something, when I am not.



Sweetleaf
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03 Dec 2014, 10:06 am

I like to talk to people if the conversation is intresting.


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jk1
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03 Dec 2014, 10:17 am

mr_bigmouth_502, I somehow got that impression from you having read your posts in various threads... maybe because you said something like that before or because of your username. I don't think it's strange.

I think there are many autistic people that would like to talk a lot with people. But because they have very poor interpersonal skills, they tend to receive negative responses from many people and end up fearing talking with people although they would still like to talk. I am one of such autistic people. I would like to talk to people but I'm very scared of people. Maybe that's why I come to WP though I'm not really talking with people. A kind of substitute.



ImAnAspie
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03 Dec 2014, 10:38 am

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
^Sort of. :P I came up with this name about 10 years ago, partially because I didn't have much of a "filter" when I was younger, and I tended to shoot my mouth off and just say whatever was on my mind.


My "filter" still slips occasionally and I say whatever hits my mind but as you get older, you get better at catching what flies out of the mouth than when you're younger. I guess I've been stung too much in the past to just allow my tongue to run rampant.


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kraftiekortie
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03 Dec 2014, 10:58 am

Aspies LOVE to talk when it involves something even peripherally-related to their "special interests."

Even now, I am nudged to "shut up" when I am found to be talking too much about something such as medieval history.



eggheadjr
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03 Dec 2014, 12:38 pm

Oh yah! Get me on a topic that's one of my interests and I'll go, on and on. After a while people start to go cross-eyed and look for excuses to leave the room. :D


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Andrejake
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03 Dec 2014, 1:14 pm

I don't think it's weird, i'm like that too.
My problem is talking about anything that is not included on my special interests list (and unfortunately this is a big problem), but if i'm with someone that likes to talk about the games, studies, musics, movies and stories that i enjoy i can actually talk way way too much.



yournamehere
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03 Dec 2014, 2:51 pm

I think it would be more strange if you didn't like talking to people. If someone talks to you about something you are not interested in, it is important to behave like you are a good listener, and ask alot of questions. :D



Kitty4670
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03 Dec 2014, 5:50 pm

I like talking to ppl, but not alot of ppl. I can get overwhelmed tałking to ppl.