Is it strange that I actually like talking with people?

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Kitty4670
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03 Dec 2014, 5:57 pm

QuiversWhiskers wrote:
I rarely seek others out just to do stuff and am more comfortable alone, but when I am out, I usually can put on the act. There are just particular people that I get a "high" off of (and I can't even talk to them). I have instances where I am very talkative and others where I am the opposite. Makes people think I am mad at them or upset about something, when I am not.



I am the same way, I can be very talkative & other times where I can't open my mouth it like randomly, it strange.



downbutnotout
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03 Dec 2014, 7:56 pm

No, I like talking, too. I just find that I'm often excluded for being too serious, too weird, too cynical, too verbose, etc.

I can put a lid on it, but unless I need someone to like me in the workplace there's no benefit to it. That's how I become "alone in a crowd".



Persimmonpudding
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03 Dec 2014, 8:45 pm

A lot of people confuse AS with introversion, which is really not the case. The thing is, we just have a different rhythm in how we interact, and it is confusing and frustrating to the average NT. Here are three parallel examples of a brief conversation between an NT and an NT, an NT and an Aspie, and an Aspie and another Aspie.

NT/NT

Joe: "It's a beautiful day out today, isn't it, John?"

John: "I don't know. It seems a little cloudy to me."

Joe: "Maybe so. Well, maybe it will clear up a little bit later."

John: "Yeah, I'm sure it will. You have a great day, Joe."

Joe: "Sure, and just give me a call if you need anything."

John: "You're a great friend, Joe. See you later."

NT/Aspie

Bill: "It's a beautiful day out today, isn't it, Sam?"

Sam: "I hadn't really thought of it. Why are you wanting to talk about the weather?"

Bill: "I don't know. I just saw the sun was shining, and I was feeling good. I hope you are as well."

Sam: "Well...yes, I guess so. But what does that have to do with the weather?"

Bill: "Look, Sam, I was trying to be social. Do you understand?"

Sam: "Okay...well, I guess that's good. You...um...have a good one, I guess?"

Aspie/Aspie

Jim: "Hi, Brian! Do you want to go to the beach this afternoon?"

Brian: "No, I don't feel like it. I feel like crap."

Jim: "I'm sorry to hear that. Are you sick?"

Brian: "My stomach is upset."

Jim: "That sucks. I read somewhere that mint tea can help that."

Brian: "I guess I could try that. Do you have any?"

Jim: "Sure. I'll bring some over."

Now, let's analyze this. All three of the second speakers--John, Sam and Brian--had an upset stomach that day. All three of the first speakers--Joe, Bill and Jim--were wanting to know if their comrade would be interested in going out to the beach that afternoon to enjoy the good weather.

However, Jim was different in that he asked his question outright, and he got a blunt, direct answer. Where an NT might have taken umbrage at such a blunt response, Jim was a fellow Aspie. He just took it for granted that Brian was just giving a direct answer to a direct question, and he said something in return that he felt would be helpful. They communicate in a similar way, so they get along...reasonably, anyway.

What might confuse an Aspie is the first conversation. Joe and John just use detective work to figure out what the other is thinking. Obviously, if John were in a bright and sunny mood, he would agree with Joe that it's a pretty day. He remarked that it was a little cloudy, though. This told Joe that John wasn't really feeling all that well, so Joe made a supportive optimistic remark, ostensibly regarding the weather but really directed at John's situation. This gave John some feel-good emotions, so he responded appreciatively.

The question is, were Joe and John playing a game? No. Not really at all. From their point-of-view, they were being very direct but also polite. You can usually get a good idea about how another person is feeling based on how that person perceives the weather, and it's a harmless, fluffy and non-threatening topic.

If you have AS, you sort of need things spelled-out to you, and you take what people say for granted. You don't try to second-guess them, and you don't try to do sneaky sleuthing to figure out what is on their minds. It feels dishonest and invasive. Why sneak around and spy on people's emotions through shady double-talk when you know and trust them well enough to be up-front and honest?

Well, the NT doesn't see it that way. Jumping in with blunt questions, from their point-of-view, puts people on-the-spot and makes them uncomfortable. Giving blunt answers in return comes across as insensitive and unappreciative. No offense, but you are socially pretty much a "bull in a china shop."

It's not that the person with AS isn't as socially outgoing, and a person with AS may be extremely outgoing and garrulous. The problem is that our way of interacting with others comes across to others as chillingly sterile and stark, and most people find this very unsettling. By the same token, the person with AS may find it frustrating to deal with people who talk constantly in riddles and affective chatter.

But there is a big difference between being introverted and having AS.



DustPendulum
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03 Dec 2014, 10:56 pm

Not necessarily, not all aspies are shchizoids. From what you described it sounds like it's a bit one sided, and I know all too well how much aspies love one sided conversations, hence it's not all that odd that you like to talk. Another thing to take into consideration is the possible pleasure received from hearing your own voice, as odd as it sounds aspies love to hear their own voice because it reminds them they're not mute. Some aspies will even use one sided conversations as a way to organize thought processes.



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03 Dec 2014, 11:04 pm

I'm so sick of all the stereotypes - aspies are antisocial, aspies are intorverted, aspies are unemotional and have no sense of humor or empathy, bla bla freakin' blah!! I enjoy talking and doing things with my mother and other close friends and relatives. I treasure every moment we're together because most of the time I don't get to talk to anyone. My mother actually now understands and doesn't mind my special interests or talking about them since my diagnosis, in fact she seems to enjoy it.



LokiofSassgard
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04 Dec 2014, 12:26 am

I'm not even an aspie, and I talk to people quite a bit. I talk to strangers sometimes too. The problem is, that I'm random with my social skills though. I don't say hi to the person first. I just start talking about something, usually about myself or things I have out of the blue maybe. Online, I can talk about really anything without having a problem socializing at all.

There are times when I don't want to socialize though, especially if it's been a long day or I'm tired and grumpy. I get upset with my mom sometimes for socializing with me, and I think it's because I'm just annoyed with socializing and being around talkative people all day. Not that I do talk to a lot of people, but I just get overwhelmed with being around people that it tends to tire me out.


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mr_bigmouth_502
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04 Dec 2014, 4:27 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Aspies LOVE to talk when it involves something even peripherally-related to their "special interests."

Even now, I am nudged to "shut up" when I am found to be talking too much about something such as medieval history.


It just so happens that my special interests involve broad and varied topics, so I have a good amount of stuff to talk about.

eggheadjr wrote:
Oh yah! Get me on a topic that's one of my interests and I'll go, on and on. After a while people start to go cross-eyed and look for excuses to leave the room. :D

When I was younger, I used to do that all the time when I'd start talking about computers. I've been trying not to do it so much, but it can be hard sometimes.

Andrejake wrote:
I don't think it's weird, i'm like that too.
My problem is talking about anything that is not included on my special interests list (and unfortunately this is a big problem), but if i'm with someone that likes to talk about the games, studies, musics, movies and stories that i enjoy i can actually talk way way too much.


Probably the biggest problem I have with conversation is that I like talking about "heavy" topics like politics, religion, sex, social issues, philosophy, technology, and how all those things intermingle. Most people just want to talk about the weather or work and other boring s**t like that. I like discussing big, scary intellectual topics. :P

lostonearth35 wrote:
I'm so sick of all the stereotypes - aspies are antisocial, aspies are intorverted, aspies are unemotional and have no sense of humor or empathy, bla bla freakin' blah!! I enjoy talking and doing things with my mother and other close friends and relatives. I treasure every moment we're together because most of the time I don't get to talk to anyone. My mother actually now understands and doesn't mind my special interests or talking about them since my diagnosis, in fact she seems to enjoy it.


Amen. Stereotypes suck.



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04 Dec 2014, 5:42 pm

Its not strange to me because I also like talking to others unless I'm tired or not interested in the conversation.