Is it different and kinder in other countries?

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Now I've always wondered this. When I get sick of dealing with people here, in America, this thought always lingers in my mind : is it just America/americans I am sick of? I was raised with a military father and I had the opportunity to live overseas for portions of my life. I enjoyed it immensely, and lived in Turkey during my high school. I found the Turkish culture warm/friendly and very personable in one on one interactions. I always remember seeing other Americans; especially the ones that really "tried to be American" by being loud, obnoxious, rude and out and proud; listening to rap music, wearing saggy clothing, etc. ...I don't have to stereotype but, you get the picture - they always made me extremely depressed and mad when I'd see them.

It reminded me of America and the problems I had there ( I live here now). I know we have political correctness here, too, and that it makes this conversation almost impossible because if that, ie; disclaimer comments like "Not ALL americans are like that, etc" and "there are many diverse types of Americans". While I realize that's true, there does exist a definite noticeable difference between the two cultures, and other cultures for that matter, and to not acknowledge so is insulting to reality.



I always found it easier living overseas, in the places I lived at, which couldn't be explained by youth or the "American foreign treatment- hospitality" alone. There was definitely something about Turkish culture that I found so refreshing and easygoing, comfortable, natural and life affirming. There wasn't so much in your face competition, boorishness, and just....I don't know, it's hard to pin down exactly what it is.



Does anyone else have feelings about this, and experiences? I honestly feel this is true and it concerns and disturbs me.
I'd like to travel again, but my situation at current kind of prevents me from doing so. This does greatly bother me (this topic) and I'd like to sort it out, to see if it's actually a real issue or something I'm just thinking.

The first step in dealing with reality is acknowledging it. I Do think that American culture is the most autistic unfriendly, unfriendly period- environment to grow up or be in.

Although I'm not American, I was raised in two different cultures at once: British culture as my father is British, and Chinese culture as my mother is British HK-Chinese.

When I was younger, I learned very quickly that the Chinese tend to be very reserved and quiet, and keep to themselves. I think eccentricity is frowned upon in Chinese culture, and I mean by eccentricity that some people with autism can display. I don't know why this is. Perhaps it's because eccentricity is seen as unreserved and alien. Likewise, a lot of British people that I've grown up with are reserved and quiet too.

But eccentricity and uniqueness are supposedly "celebrated" in Britain because being unique ("nerdy" and "geeky" etc) has become a trend. Being the most unique and memorable seems to have become a competition in my generation. However, being "too strange" (e.g. "autistic" strange) can leave someone being vulnerable to bullies and being shunned by society. A lot of the "weird" kids at my school were often bullied or ignored or both. I've experienced both: from being called "stupid" and "weird" to "ret*d" and being ignored. The only times I was probably ever acknowledged were if my classmates wanted help with their creative writing pieces. They didn't want to be with the weird kid. These were my experiences with mainstream school.

I go to a special school for deaf students where there is rarely bullying and everyone can be themselves. There are other autistic deaf students like me attending too. Instead of being laughed at and being called "stupid" or "weird", my friends and classmates are very supportive and understanding of my autism. If I laugh about my autism, they'll laugh with me too. If I'm having a down day, they will somehow always find a way to cheer me up and make me smile again.

In my opinion, it depends on which cultures you've experienced, where you go to and the people that you meet. One culture can vary a little to massively to another culture, and I think that people with disabilities tend to be more understanding of another disabled person's situation.

This is a can-of-worms subject on a personal level but the short answer it is all in perceptions. And morals and values and beliefs to some degree.

Every country has it's good and bad sides.
I detest my own culture and have seemingly become British after moving to the UK as a 21-yr old and leaving as a 43-year old. I repatriated to Belgium 7 years ago for practical reasons and a means to an end.
I also lived in Netherlands over the years but it just didn't fit my psyche.

I don't feel British because societal identity to me is as much about the paperwork that gives you rights as a human being as it is about culture. But in the last 10 years I have not met one person whom, when asked, will not pass me as one.

I'm now learning to understand my own culture but that doesn't mean I like it more. I find it rather repulsive actually
I am effectively a foreigner in my own country now. There are immigrants from outside the EU that probably identify more with Belgian culture than I do.
I identify more with the Dutch as I lived there between the ages of 17-21 after the Belgium courts declared me an adult at 17.
Went on a day trip to Amsterdam yesterday and bought some mince pies at M&S but also bought a Parool which is a local daily paper of which I have always liked their style.

I am alien to the American way of life. As a child I have crossed borders and experienced other cultures. One of my most treasured memories is when I was around 10 and we were camping on a Spanish Costa. The campsite was walled and in the midle of town and on wednesdays the local market would pitch their stalls around the wall. I would collect bottles on site and take them to the local grocer off site and it kept me supplied in ice lollies that whole summer.
Went to Italy, France, Luxemburg, Austria, Yugoslavia (as it was then), Andorra before the age of 15 and did my homework to the tunes of Radio Luxemburg.

I find society places expectations on one. You have to abide by the unwritten rules of a society. And different societies have different unwritten rules.

Also there is multi-cultural and bi-cultural.
In my case I'm sort-of tri cultural but then I'm back at the can of worms
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biculturalism
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multicultural

I lived in Germany for my whole life, but then lived in England for almost a year to study. I got along better there actually. I feel like, while Germany itself sees itself as very modern, it is weirdly conservative in certain aspects. The general population has a very poor knowledge and understanding of neurodiversity topics. In England I got my autism diagnosis after my GP referred me, I think if you would ask a GP in Germany for an autism diagnosis you would get really weird looks most of the time. Also there is no or very few official support in schools in Germany, for example. Suck it up and try to act normal or get trampled over. I found England to be very polite and kind in comparison.

I was raised in arabic culture, people there don't see eachother as different, I was never seen as being different or weird, just childish or hyperactive and it was never told to me by hatred, I never faced hate from them, instead they taught me how to behave and control myself, personality types and mental states doesn't exist in arabic cultures, everyone is seen as 'human' in personality and mentality. I'm so suprised from people who like to identify people in a very detailed way like cool off we do have differences but getting down to the core we're all the same.

(Note; this was deleted and repost, edit. I can't seem to press the edit button...)
I never left my country. But I wish I could. Yet, going outside this country is very hard, and tickets are expensive... XD I live in an archipelago, and the nearest place outside-country would costs me at least 1-4 months worth of a full-time job average salary, which is an understatement. Even more so when the average per DAY (they don't pay per hour here!) is about 10$ or less. You judge how much this is worth.

Within the Filipino culture, people here are being too soft... That is, if you have the right 'translator' or 'connections' (Or so I think)
They favored being social, up to the point I was forced to. They favored being religious even more. and even now, I don't get it why they kept praying when doing nothing. I question them a lot, and they only have the typical answers that I kept hearing... People here kinda discriminate each other, depending which region they are. Some hates gays, and atheists, some don't bother them. Sometimes atheists themselves hates most pinoys. I don't get why they're amazed to foreigners, especially if they're white, assuming the white is rich, or even better than their own. Hell, some would rather die as a foreigner than live as a filipino. Some have too much pride, they get over their heads, they don't like being insulted, and are being hypocrites. But it's all in the history, Filipinos, in truth, are culturally confused.
In my childhood days, I'm fine with neighbors because they thought I'm just 'like that'. All the children neighbor NTs I got are thankfully open-minded enough. We have funny times, they play with me, and had fought with/AT me sometimes, it's the very closest thing to feel what being treated normal really feels like. And I'm quite glad we still keep in touch, even though they moved and outgrew me. But on school on the other hand, I was kinda treated badly, being called 'crazy', being bullied, more bias, and all being against me, the students, the staffs, everyone. But then I realized, I'm just too spoiled, or so I think.
As a teen, it's the worst. I don't go out anymore, and my neighbors outgrew me. I almost never talked... Classmates are way worse, because teen years means drama. And more drama. I hate being a teen so much, I wish I never been one. Granted, I never felt like one.
But as an adult, they're just being too soft at school or so I think. Or maybe it's just the way I speak english or 'looks'. Still treating me like a child but capable of thinking nonetheless. They think of me as an 'entertainment' or whatever they thought.
People around me either looks down on me or looks up on me, but never equal. But as I kept seeing things beyond my age and position, those who are disabled, ends up being discriminated in some ways (especially when it comes to medical or political, they don't have much of a voice, sometimes a choice)... When people knows you're disabled; that includes being high-functioning enough to pass an NT, they'll change the way most people sees you. Regardless how functioning you are, if you achieve high, either they'll be very impressed or criticizing. But never mind being disabled, crab mentality here is very common against themselves.
Most people here are either ignorant or close-minded. I half-expected adults knew better when in terms of knowledge; turns out I'm VERY wrong... I barely found some who can listen to my thoughts. Hell, some even took satire too seriously. The poor is either too nice or too cunning, while the rich is either too cunning or too justified or both.
In terms of living, maybe prefers to be in an urban, especially the capital. But I would rather be in a rural. That vacation in Iloilo was so much fun and relaxing! But too bad, I don't know the dialect/language...

I don't feel like "pinoy" enough, but I have lots of friends online, and most of them looks up on me. Up to the point where I become their 'wisest adviser'. They maybe welcome me, but I still feel out of place.
Most filipinos I know, IRL and online, doesn't know what autistic spectrum REALLY is. When they hear it, they assume the stereotype as usual if not nothing. They have too much pride, too much bias (both positives and negatives)... And the way they envy things are so irrational, that I **HATE** it.

Still, depending on the region, but half the time that "special children" are considered a 'lucky charm', and sometimes up to the point gaining a privilege, as they thought that their parents are worthy of a burden, or thinking these parents are stronger than those who never had a child that are disabled. Or a punishment, pointing the parent as shameful. While those who are different, they either think they're defected, 'trying hard or a show off', or 'better', assuming that person has a foreign background or sort.
But overall, I'm satisfied, but not comfortable as, for now. But there are few things I want to change around me, but HA! I wish. They're mostly too stubborn to listen. I'm still curious going overseas; well, moving in a 1st country is a pinoy's dream.
Edit part:
And oh, living in your parent's house is practically normal here (as getting a job so does getting your own house is hard, and renting is a burden). Living together with extended family is common here. Even you're already married, had children, even with grand children, you still can live in your parent's house. XD But living alone gives neighbors creeps or concerns... More on the latter when you're female.

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I never moved country, however, I live on a country border, meaning that I end up in either country about half of the time. Granted, I do have a dutch nationality and thus I end up with dutch healthcare more, I'm slowly getting my feet wet in German AS online communities. Reading AS related issues, I don't think they're that much different there than they are in my country

So with that said; a lot of people always comment how the Netherlands is such a nice and "free" place and I'm not sure how much of that is true. If this country is free, then I'm not sure I'd like to be somewhere else. I already find this place restrictive.

Comparatively speaking, someone already adressed Germany being a bit more conservative, and I feel that's quite true, even if the dutch province I live in, still has a bit of conservative stuff going on, but not nearly the way it's in Germany. Despite that the "Bundesland" across the border is the most densely populated one with plenty of big cities, it's probably not even the "worst" of them all.

I find it intresting to note though; I dated an AS woman earlier this year and she was from up north in Amsterdam. Me being from the South-East brought a totally different vibe to her when she came over and she actually considered moved away from Amsterdam, because she found that it was such a bad environment for someone on the spectrum. At least here we have plenty of scenery that's relatively quiet, just to name an example. So even within a country, there's probably a change of how much you can function as an aspie. To make it more interesting; seeing as I'm, at times a bit more extroverted, I don't like my town and rather move up north to Amsterdam or something like that. I rather live in a city that never sleeps.

I don't really identify with being dutch for some reason, even if I never lived elsewhere. I don't know where I'd fit in, perhaps also due to the notion of living in a land with liberal laws and rules and me thinking they should be even more liberal.

In terms of "support" for people on the spectrum here... it's lacking, yet it's lacking for other reasons than having qualified people. The moment governments are shutting down support as means to cut back on expenses on top of privatized healthcare..yeah, you probably get the jist of it. Yet I think this is the future for many countries and not just something that goes on here. And with that I'm not overly optimistic for us spectrumites.

I feel that guy that said he was treated humanely in Arabic cultures. The stereotypes here against Muslims I can't stand in the west, since 9/11. I think that living in Turkey and experiencing the Turkish culture, sometimes I wish I never had... It gave me a taste of something and then I lost it. America just doesn't compare. The way people are socialized here, is awful in my honest opinion. Everybody is so insecure about themselves, about everything! People are oozing insecurity here, it's uncomfortable. All around us, it's in everything we do. It's like oozing out of every pore. It's like we eat sleep and breathe insecurity in order to function on to the next day. We somehow have mistaken that for feeling good or it became a substitute. It's twisted. Everything is a competition. The way American men are socialized is God awful, We went from being homophobic beer drinking individualist macho and jock types, straight to the polar end of some kind of effeminate guy that I can't even recognize or understand anymore. Everything is just so extreme; it's like there's no middle ground, I've noticed that too. And don't get me started on the women or how girls are brought up here. It's just awful. I mean it seems like...call me crazy... But that people actually don't have fun here. They just act like they're having fun! They just all act like they're having fun, and a good great time. They all act like they have everything, but that's all it is- an act; a constant tiring act. And that's what it's about. It's just about the image. It's so empty. So empty and tiring, exhausting. How could anyone think this is fun, don't people see that there is a lot more out there to life than this?

Everything here is also about making money. Here, people live to work. Over in Europe and elsewhere and other places people work to live, and they know how to have fun and relax, and most of all they know how to have healthy relationships with each other. Their social occasions don't involve binging on alcohol, acting like a party girl or boy well into your 40s, to compensate for the chronic insecurity and lack of real meaningful human empathy and interpersonal dynamics. Definitely feel like a goddamn alien here, but I'm not sure why. .. I feel like I can't even relate to people about common things anymore. We are just not on the same wavelength, and I'm so lonely.

I definitely feel it inside I'd be happier somewhere else. I know it in my soul... Every time I think about this it pains me. Until I stuff the can of worms back down again and I see it or think about it sometime else, again. The thing that constantly eats at me is that I'm just getting older, in a place I can't stand doing things I don't enjoy. This is my life, and what am I doing with it?

It eats at me like I can't even say... Sometimes I just want to break down. I think I should move inside, but I'm so alone and all my decisions. I have no family support, I would just be on my own, and I can't do that. I don't know what to do.

If I could be be somewhere else then I should go to that place, and nothing should stop me.


I could honestly see myself back and Turkey again, or maybe even Europe.



America; where you are inundated and saturated in everything you could want, but are starving on the inside for lack of anything you actually need.