That unnameable thing. That you would like to meet in that moment, that would justify a life of innumerable efforts, of constant struggle. In a way it was your polar star even if you lost sight of it much of the time. No substitute for it, no second hand damaged surrogate. Better alone than with a clumsy representation in front of you in that moment. No answer to this, someone will understand and that will be enough, perhaps a gift to be kept, a trace not to be lost.
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Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.
--Samuel Beckett