Do you feel you weren't meant to have long term friends?

Page 1 of 1 [ 13 posts ] 


Do you feel you were meant to have long term friendships?
Yes 38%  38%  [ 9 ]
No 63%  63%  [ 15 ]
Total votes : 24

Butterfiend
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 9 Oct 2014
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 210
Location: Nowhere worth visiting.

17 Dec 2014, 6:56 pm

I feel like when I get really close to someone, they eventually leave. Do others feel this way? :(


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 61 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

AQ Score:44

Feel free to PM me for any reason at all. I like to talk to people online.

"I do not know what I am, and soon it may not matter." -Mewtwo.

"Time passes, people move. Like a river’s flow, it never ends." - Sheik

"I'm not popular enough to be different." -Homer Simpson


LokiofSassgard
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2014
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 719
Location: My own autistic wonderland!

17 Dec 2014, 7:09 pm

At the time, I have wanted to... but things happened that made me lose those friends. Most of my friends usually come and go, but lately... I've had a better time making long-term friends rather well.


_________________
Currently diagnosed with Autistic Disorder, ADHD, severe anxiety, learning delays and developmental delays.


Edna3362
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,466
Location: ᜆᜄᜎᜓᜄ᜔

17 Dec 2014, 7:11 pm

One of my online friends told me: "People just come and go"...


_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.


Afam-dfw
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2014
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 16

17 Dec 2014, 10:33 pm

I'm not sure if I was meant not to have long term friends or not but it just hasn't happened.



olympiadis
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,849
Location: Fairview Heights Illinois

17 Dec 2014, 11:23 pm

I was meant to have them, but some of the people I have befriended were not.


_________________
Anachronism: an object misplaced in time.
"It's true we are immune, when fact is fiction and TV reality"
"It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards"


jk1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,817

17 Dec 2014, 11:52 pm

I don't think I'm not meant to have a long-term friend but I certainly do feel I'm not, after all the short-lived "friendships".

I know there's something weird about me and I seem to stink of all the qualities of a loser or something. I don't know exactly what but people slowly/suddenly start distancing themselves from me. If I was born this way, maybe I'm indeed not meant to have long-term friends.



andrethemoogle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,254
Location: Sol System

18 Dec 2014, 1:42 am

I haven't wanted friends for the longest time, not since I was around 10 or 11 I would say. I'll be friendly to people, but I don't want friends outside my parents and dog.

Been betrayed too many times and let down, so no thanks to having friends.



kanashimoo
Raven
Raven

Joined: 23 May 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 117
Location: Vancouver, Canada

18 Dec 2014, 4:52 am

I'm guilty of this myself, but you have to put in the effort if you want to sustain a friendship. It can't be only one sided, like them starting up every conversation, inviting you to every outing.

Friends naturally do come and go, especially as you age and you have less time for carefree hangouts that you had in high school. Your social circle does naturally contract but you don't have to let it be so if you make the effort to maintain and establish new friendships, especially if you aren't currently doing full time work + studying / housekeeping. I'm currently trying to balance work with social outings, while reading up on and studying multiple topics, from academic topics directly related to my job to learning how to drive. I try to ensure that when I spend time with my friends, its often with a large group so my time isn't as heavily monopolized. For my closest friends, I definitely do need to take the time to hang out.


_________________
Specialisterne is an international nonprofit which has the singular goal of enabling 1 million jobs for people on spectrum. DO check them out! I conducted an interview on national radio regarding my experiences with Specialisterne and SAP.

On a more local level, Focus Professional Services is a consulting organization based in Vancouver, Canada that attempts to hire people on the spectrum to act as IT consultants. They're a very new organization.

For those of us in Vancouver, there is an Aspies Meetup group; pm me if you're interested. I look forward to seeing anyone in Vancouver either in person or in a larger gathering!


badgerface
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 479
Location: St. Neots, Cambridgeshire UK

18 Dec 2014, 5:10 am

Firstly, nobody is meant to have long-term friends or not. It's a situation determined by hundreds of factors; it's not meant to be anything; that implies some sort of reason or plan behind someone's existence and their interaction with acquaintances. It's something under the control of the individuals, albeit heavily influenced by factors such as distance, life-changes, family and especially as it pertains to those on the spectrum; social awkwardness and difficulties interacting with others.

I've only ever really had 1 friend at a time; going through phases of my life. But, I never can or want to put in the effort to see them - once I "partnered up", settled down, moved away and had kids, that takes up enough of my time, especially with full-time work added into the mix; the spare time I have left over I want for myself.

I currently have 1 friend, and he's been that for 5 years now. I classify him as a friend as opposed to an acquaintance or a colleague (he works at the same place as me) because he lives close, has very similar interests and opinions on those interests (taste in film, comedy, video games) and "gets" me. He never asks me to go out drinking, or to socialise with others, he's happy just coming over for a few hours a couple of evenings a month to watch a Movie and play some PlayStation. Incidentally, 75% of the time he initiates this. But, it makes me happy to have it this way - with my partner and children, 1 friend is enough for me. I dare say I'd be content with none; as interaction with people where conversation could switch to personal matters, opinions on things that are important to me does not make me happy, it puts me on edge and I don't like it.


_________________
"You're entitled to your wrong opinion..."


felinesaresuperior
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,050
Location: israel

18 Dec 2014, 6:17 am

They either get tired of me, act like they cant stand being around me anymore, or I get exhausted from their company and want to run away. never had a 'friend' for more than a few weeks without it getting on my or his/her nerves.


_________________
Blogging about childhood and adulthood with Asperger and my own personl experience with rage attacks, shutdowns, social phobias etc. https://aspergerlifeblog.wordpress.com/


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

18 Dec 2014, 9:58 am

People like me at first, and want to get to know me and eventually arrange to meet up with me. Once they have met up with me a few times, they suddenly find something annoying about me and then start to back away. I know it's something in my personality what they find a little too eccentric for their liking. I really don't see why people dislike eccentric people. As long as a person is pleasant and friendly and a nice person, I don't see what the difference is. I like eccentric people. I find them interesting and funny (as in ha-ha funny).


_________________
Female


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

18 Dec 2014, 12:47 pm

By the way the true friends I have got are eccentric, so they don't mind being friends with me. I think they are too eccentric themselves to notice how eccentric I am.

My boyfriend on the other hand is far from eccentric. He has his own odd ways because everybody does, but he is not eccentric at all. That is rather unsettling. I don't know if an eccentric woman and a completely non-eccentric man can live together. But they always say opposites attract, so maybe it might be quite necessary to have one scatty, nervous person and one calm, organized person.


_________________
Female


Evil_Chuck
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2014
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 494
Location: Lost in my thoughts.

18 Dec 2014, 12:55 pm

It seems that way. Every time I try to get close to someone, I get hurt and it ends soon--if it even begins.

I'd have to go back to middle school to find a relationship that didn't end that way. I was best friends with another kid in my special ed classroom. We drifted apart quickly after graduating.


_________________
RAADS-R SCORE: 163.0

FUNNY DEATH METAL LYRICS OF THE WEEK: 'DEMON'S WIND' BY VADER
Clammy frog descends
Demon's wind, the stars answer your desire
Join the undead, that's the place you'll never leave
You wanna die... but death cannot do us apart...