Do you ever feel jealous of other people's normal Lives?

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Butterfiend
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19 Dec 2014, 12:56 am

I often feel sad because I see my friends living awesome, normal lives. They're off with awesome relationships and stuff and some of them are even getting married. I feel bad because this is what I want but it seems to be happening to everbody around me. This is the worst part about being Autistic. Do other people feel this way as well? :(


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LupaLuna
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19 Dec 2014, 1:35 am

It's not just the jealousy/envy part that makes this hurt. It's also the fact that you are envying the very thing that's considered "normal" and that everyone NT take for granite and treats as a God given right. And it frustrate you to no end as to why you can't have it. And it makes you wonder if they(NT's) even know what it's like to not have it.



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19 Dec 2014, 2:06 am

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EzraS
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19 Dec 2014, 2:15 am

I have a cousin I've been raised alongside of who is only around four months older than me. And he pretty much leads the life of a very typical NT 14 year old (far as I can tell)....and sometimes I do the "I wish I could be more like that thing". But then I think about my friend who is a C5 quadriplegic and probably he wishes he could do the ordinary stuff I can do....which I usually take for granted.

BTW, I think there's kind of a myth we build up about NT's. I spent most of my life in school with AS kids and never really got to know NT kids. Until I joined some teen forums. The struggles they go through with social stuff is pretty bad a lot of the time. I think it just looks easy for them in a lot if cases.



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19 Dec 2014, 2:27 am

No, normal life does not appeal to me.


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y-pod
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19 Dec 2014, 3:20 am

Not really. Normal life is very boring and not inspiring enough. I used to wish to spy into people's windows and observe their lives, until I realized most of them just cook, clean, watch TV or computer or tablets, argue or complain, then go to bed. Some of the luckiest people might skip the argue and complain part, and instead talk about some dull subjects very slowly before bed. :) You might be romanticizing relationship a bit too much. You're forgetting the endless bickering, the compromises, the in-laws...etc. I do envy people who are great and achieve a lot. To have that kind of passion, energy and be that pulled together to have done some good to the world is what I aspire.


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ICollectWatches
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19 Dec 2014, 4:02 am

Yes.

I have acquaintances. I'd like to have friends.

I have a roof over my head. I don't own it, not because I haven't earned enough money, but because being depressed and lonely has made me spend all my money trying to buy happiness. Or at least entertainment.

My home is cluttered with all the aforementioned happiness-buying. I'd like to have people in my life rather than things.

I'd like to have help when I need it. I'd like to have people who are close enough that I feel I can call them when I need help. I'd like to have someone living with me, to keep me company and to help when I need it.

I'd like to have places to go and people to see. I'd like the photos I take to have people in them.

I'd like to have something non-pathetic to answer when someone asks what I do with my free time.



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19 Dec 2014, 4:03 am

Kind of yes. I feel sad about having few/no friends. But I'm rather uncomfortable/sad that I somehow stand out as a weirdo whenever I'm around people and get picked on/excluded. It's rather frightening that I will always be alone though by now I'm used to being alone.

I'm perfectly fine about not being in a relationship though. I'm not actively seeking one. I'm surprised that many people don't realize that some people don't need a partner. Some even think a man without a wife/girlfriend is a freak/loser. I have contempt for such narrow-sighted/-minded people.



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19 Dec 2014, 5:11 am

ICollectWatches wrote:
Yes. I have acquaintances. I'd like to have friends. I have a roof over my head. I don't own it, not because I haven't earned enough money, but because being depressed and lonely has made me spend all my money trying to buy happiness. Or at least entertainment. My home is cluttered with all the aforementioned happiness-buying. I'd like to have people in my life rather than things. I'd like to have help when I need it. I'd like to have people who are close enough that I feel I can call them when I need help. I'd like to have someone living with me, to keep me company and to help when I need it. I'd like to have places to go and people to see. I'd like the photos I take to have people in them. I'd like to have something non-pathetic to answer when someone asks what I do with my free time.

gosh :( Image I know something of how that feels. I didn't meet anybody until I was in my 50s, at which point I was ready to give up, but like john lennon said, "life is what happens when you've made other plans." I believe a similar thing will happen to you, probably sooner than it happened to me.



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19 Dec 2014, 5:24 am

I met up on Facebook with someone I knew since I was about eleven years old. Now he is 59 and I am 60. But one thing has not changed. He is very popular and everybody's friend just like he was in the fifth grade. And I am still a boring nerd. I accept the lot I have in life and recognize that the way my mind works is both a blessing and a curse. But sometimes - only sometimes - I wish had been born with the fun gene, the partier gene and the popular gene like my childhood friend.


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Joe90
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19 Dec 2014, 6:16 am

Oh yes! That's what used to cause meltdowns. I couldn't deal with the fact that I was inflicted with this condition, no matter which way I tried looking at it. Nothing or nobody could change my opinion about it. Convincing me that AS is a 'good thing' by pointing out how intelligent it can make a person and what people with ASD have invented in the past does not make me feel any better about it. I just find that as a stereotype and a cliche, because I am not more intelligent than the general majority and I don't wish to be either. All I wanted to be is like everybody else.

I still get jealous of people who can make and keep friends, but being on antidepressants helps me keep these feelings under control.


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Zajie
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19 Dec 2014, 7:11 am

Lol sometimes I'm jealous from others but sometimes I'm not because I'm loving/liking myself and my life so much



Alyosha
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19 Dec 2014, 7:48 am

no not really. i dont get jealous about that. but i sometimes do get sad and angry that there are things that are unnecessarily hard for me to join in with.



glider18
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19 Dec 2014, 7:56 am

I don't feel jealous over other people's so-called "normal" lives because I am satisfied with my lifestyle. I enjoy self-absorbing into interests. As I don't crave the social life, I am content and find happiness in my private lifestyle.


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Adele_
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19 Dec 2014, 8:47 am

No because they live a lie.


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livnah
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19 Dec 2014, 9:12 am

Strange... I was thinking this a bit the other day.
I'm 36, own my home, really good job, decent (newish) car, awesome dog, 5 months into a relationship with someone who lives 150mi away, nice coworkers, and ZERO friends here. My best friend is on the other side of the country (3000mi), I relocated 17 months ago and have no actual friends in this new place.

There's nights when I'm a little bored and I think, "other people have friends to do things with, I wish I could be like that". Then after maybe an hour I think, "having friends means spending money. I don't have a lot of spare money. Maybe I should just play with the dog more, or go on a bike ride." By the time I pass-out from the day I've gotten back to "I'm content with my life".

According to a lot of science/psychology/economics podcasts I listen to, what other people have that's "so great" really isn't that great. And even if it is - it's great FOR THEM - which doesn't mean it'd be great for me. On the flipside there's literally hundreds of things I've done in my life that "normal people would kill to do", so in those bored moments I have that to remember.

In the end, it's boredom not loneliness that causes me to have those moments. And boredom is easily killed by a dog, a bike ride, a movie marathon, messaging friends, posting photos from trips years ago to Instagram, reading a book, writing some computer code, or even going to bed early and waking up before the rest of the world does when it's nice and peaceful and dark out.


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