Do people suddenly 'not care' or blow you off?

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existentialterror
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22 Dec 2014, 2:06 pm

People seem very friendly and concerned, then there is something that I do that causes them to not care at all. It ranges from strangers to acquaintances. (I'm really careful not to bother people, but sometimes people will approach me and the conversation will gravitate towards something that I care about. THEY seem interested, I'm not monologuing on a topic!) But somehow the next time I see the person, they avoid me. Speak in one-word answers. I know quickly not to bother them again (and by 'bother', I mean greet them). It is very upsetting, and thus I am convinced I have these negative inner qualities that I telegraph. Anyone experience this??



anneurysm
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22 Dec 2014, 10:07 pm

I have met many, many people with ASD and this experience tends to be very common among them, and this also happened to myself when I was younger. This behavior is usually due to the other person or people misinterpreting or misunderstanding an ASD-related behavior (often something the person themselves is unaware that they do).

Some examples of misinterpreted behaviors from people I know:

*Misjudging topics and context

Examples - A girl with ASD I know talked about her dog dying and her grandparents dying when she first met my boyfriend and he felt uncomfortable with this until I explained her behavior later. (Usually when you first meet someone, you talk about lighthearted topics only and avoid serious/darker themes until you become close with the person).

Similarly, a guy with AS talked about bodybuilding with my boyfriend in a way that he misinterpreted as him flirting with him. My bf has since learned to expect behaviors like this when we run into my friends and acquiantances with AS.

A girl I know with AS used to constantly bring up and act out random movie and TV show scenes in conversations when loosely related topics arose. She only does this occasionally now but this sort of behavior often got her made fun of by her peers without her realizing it.

Differences in body language, eye contact and nonverbal behaviors.


A few people I know with AS display guarded body language around others (i.e. doesn't face the person when talking to them, doesn't really smile or smiles too much, crosses their arms). The people I know who do this though are all friendly people who are interested in the other people they are talking with.

A few people with AS I know have monotone, silted, or nasally voices that can make them sound like they are bored or not having fun even when they are.

A girl I know with AS is unable to read others body language or is able to notice when a person is not interested in talking with her. She needs to be told directly that a conversation is over or that the person is done talking with her.

*Lack of give and take in conversations

Many people I know with AS like to only talk about their interests and experiences and don't ask or seem interested in the interests or experiences of the other person they are talking to. Although I don't mind this from people with AS, NTs may get offended by this behavior because they them assume that the person is full of themselves, not interested in them, or trying to annoy them.

Some things you can do to counter these reactions:

*Learn about yourself and the things that can possibly make you stand out to others. Ask your family or anyone close to you about behaviors that you do that could cause others to possibly treat you differently or want to ignore you.

*Learn more about self-advocacy and practice advocating for yourself in social situations. After you know what behaviors of yours make you likely to stand out, it's a good idea to practice a few sentences of info that can give people information about what to expect from you socially so that you aren't misinterpreted.

For example: my eye contact and body language may make me look distracted but I am still very interested in hearing what you have to say. Or: sometimes I don't know the right time or place to bring up certian topics, but I am not trying to offend anyone if I do. Or: sometimes I talk too much about ______: if I am talking too much or too long about _____ please let me know.

Disclosing a diagnosis is optional, but if you do, explain it in terms of your behaviors. For example: Asperger's makes me have trouble processing social information, so I make do things that could seem weird of awkward.

*Asking the person directly if you are doing anything strange or off-putting. The potential downside is that some people won't answer this as they want to be polite and sugar-coat things. However, the people who do do give you feedback can be a good source of information for you so that you can explain your behaviors and advocate for yourself better.


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I am an anomaly. Diagnosed with borderline,"tentative" Aspergers at 7 as the school board required me to have a label in order to receive special education services. I did not fit criteria for ASD but that was the closest label that fit my behaviour at the time.

My longtime psychiatrist has confirmed that I do not qualify for an ASD diagnosis (but have traits & OCD-like traits).

Mostly keeping a distance from ASD-related things (including WP).


eggheadjr
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23 Dec 2014, 11:18 am

Agreed.

I'm forever doing <aspie> things that seem to set others off or drive them away. It's the story of my life.

Fortunately, there are enough people around me that know me well and know that's just the way I am and are just cool with it and don't take offense. Some even seem to think it can be funny / cool / interesting (at least they told me that).

So - some like me and some don't. I suspect that's the case for most people anyhow...


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nomoretears
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23 Dec 2014, 11:31 am

Yup.

I give off a vibe of not liking or not being interested in people.
I know I can't be myself around most people. Trying to perform is exhausting. I bet people even feel like I'm performing.

I like being alone because I can sing/dance/run around as I please.

Best I can tell you is to associate more with other people who are different.



nomoretears
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23 Dec 2014, 11:31 am

Yup.

I give off a vibe of not liking or not being interested in people.
I know I can't be myself around most people. Trying to perform is exhausting. I bet people even feel like I'm performing.

I like being alone because I can sing/dance/run around as I please.

Best I can tell you is to associate more with other people who are different.



Zajie
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23 Dec 2014, 12:40 pm

Yes, also I usually don't understand why some people seem to be mad at me, I think maybe that its my bad social skills which makes people be mad or makes them get away from me.