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NTs: What do hugs feel like?

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Syd
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26 Dec 2014, 2:42 pm

Hugs are futile attempts by incredibly weak people to crush the life out of you.



Fitzi
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26 Dec 2014, 3:16 pm

Norny wrote:
Fitzi wrote:
Norny wrote:
ImAnAspie wrote:
Norny wrote:
Like warm apple pie


Are you an NT? I couldn't see your brilliance.

Like warm apple pie? I don't think I'd like to get caught inside one of those hugs.



I am NT, but I'm unsure what you mean by brilliance


I interpreted this to mean: "Your answer seemed kind of dumb, therefore I am wondering if you are an NT", implying that NTs are incapable of being brilliant. It was both a jab at your intelligence, and NTs in general (if I read it right). Edited to add: it just occurred to me that ImAnAspie may not have understood your symbolic answer and wondered if you were NT because you chose to use this wording. Sorry, ImAnAspie if I misread.

I am also an NT. The best way I can describe hugs are an exchange of energy of sorts. If you are upset, a hug from someone you trust can make you feel more calm and safe. If you just really like someone, it is a way of feeling their essence (can't think of a better word) at a deeper level. Most NTs I know do not like hugging people they don't know or like too much. I generally don't like to be touched at all by anybody I don't know or like.


I don't think she meant to insult me, I've had some nice interactions with her in the past

If she did, that doesn't bother me. I'm not insecure about my intelligence or anything like that anymore

Yes, I think I was reading it wrong at first.



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27 Dec 2014, 2:42 pm

It's apparent that making this thread was a waste.


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goldfish21
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27 Dec 2014, 2:53 pm

Butterfiend wrote:
It's apparent that making this thread was a waste.



Why? :?

There's only so much people can describe a feeling for you. The best way to know what a hug feels like is to experience one. Go hug someone/get a hug, then you'll know for yourself.

I got & gave a lot of hugs on Christmas eve and day. Some from kids, but more from adults. All from people I had given gifts to that really appreciated them. You can tell the difference in pressure, duration, and "energy" when someone hugs you because they want to express love/appreciation/gratitude etc vs. an obligatory social custom - it just feels better all around. It's especially nice when little kids do it - they're so loving w/o restraint. Mind you, my friend and his entire family are also quite loving people and their hugs are somewhat childlike in their openness and genuine feeling. Again, I can tell you until I'm blue in the face that hugs feel great and I can try to describe it.. but the best way to know for yourself is to just go get/give a real genuine hug.


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27 Dec 2014, 5:18 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Butterfiend wrote:
It's apparent that making this thread was a waste.



Why? :?

There's only so much people can describe a feeling for you. The best way to know what a hug feels like is to experience one. Go hug someone/get a hug, then you'll know for yourself.

I got & gave a lot of hugs on Christmas eve and day. Some from kids, but more from adults. All from people I had given gifts to that really appreciated them. You can tell the difference in pressure, duration, and "energy" when someone hugs you because they want to express love/appreciation/gratitude etc vs. an obligatory social custom - it just feels better all around. It's especially nice when little kids do it - they're so loving w/o restraint. Mind you, my friend and his entire family are also quite loving people and their hugs are somewhat childlike in their openness and genuine feeling. Again, I can tell you until I'm blue in the face that hugs feel great and I can try to describe it.. but the best way to know for yourself is to just go get/give a real genuine hug.



They don't feel good,I'm really sensitive to touch. There's only been one person who it feels good to touch for me(I miss her a lot). :?


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goldfish21
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27 Dec 2014, 5:23 pm

Butterfiend wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Butterfiend wrote:
It's apparent that making this thread was a waste.



Why? :?

There's only so much people can describe a feeling for you. The best way to know what a hug feels like is to experience one. Go hug someone/get a hug, then you'll know for yourself.

I got & gave a lot of hugs on Christmas eve and day. Some from kids, but more from adults. All from people I had given gifts to that really appreciated them. You can tell the difference in pressure, duration, and "energy" when someone hugs you because they want to express love/appreciation/gratitude etc vs. an obligatory social custom - it just feels better all around. It's especially nice when little kids do it - they're so loving w/o restraint. Mind you, my friend and his entire family are also quite loving people and their hugs are somewhat childlike in their openness and genuine feeling. Again, I can tell you until I'm blue in the face that hugs feel great and I can try to describe it.. but the best way to know for yourself is to just go get/give a real genuine hug.



They don't feel good,I'm really sensitive to touch. There's only been one person who it feels good to touch for me(I miss her a lot). :?


So that's YOUR perception & sensory experience of touch and hugs. You already know what it is for you. You asked what others feel and we've explained it to you the best we can. You asked, you got your answers. How is that a waste?


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Butterfiend
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27 Dec 2014, 5:52 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Butterfiend wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Butterfiend wrote:
It's apparent that making this thread was a waste.



Why? :?

There's only so much people can describe a feeling for you. The best way to know what a hug feels like is to experience one. Go hug someone/get a hug, then you'll know for yourself.

I got & gave a lot of hugs on Christmas eve and day. Some from kids, but more from adults. All from people I had given gifts to that really appreciated them. You can tell the difference in pressure, duration, and "energy" when someone hugs you because they want to express love/appreciation/gratitude etc vs. an obligatory social custom - it just feels better all around. It's especially nice when little kids do it - they're so loving w/o restraint. Mind you, my friend and his entire family are also quite loving people and their hugs are somewhat childlike in their openness and genuine feeling. Again, I can tell you until I'm blue in the face that hugs feel great and I can try to describe it.. but the best way to know for yourself is to just go get/give a real genuine hug.



They don't feel good,I'm really sensitive to touch. There's only been one person who it feels good to touch for me(I miss her a lot). :?


So that's YOUR perception & sensory experience of touch and hugs. You already know what it is for you. You asked what others feel and we've explained it to you the best we can. You asked, you got your answers. How is that a waste?


I don't know, I assumed that the apple pie thing was just trolling.


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goldfish21
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27 Dec 2014, 5:57 pm

Butterfiend wrote:
I don't know, I assumed that the apple pie thing was just trolling.


I took it to mean that they meant hugs were warm, comforting, and pleasant.. like comfort food & desserts i.e. warm apple pie. Not in a literal sense, but as a comparison of pleasant feelings from each.


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27 Dec 2014, 6:20 pm

I also took the apple pie thing as a trolling/thread hijacking. The movie-reference comes from a conversation and subsequent scene that were a lot more x-rated than hugs, so it looked like somebody's dirty mind hijacking the thread to me.

Also, I would postulate that the OP sees the thread as a waste of time because it has only garnered one serious answer on what hugs are like from an NT poster. The rest has been from autistics who do/do not like hugs, and people responding to the apple pie troll post.

A lot more opinions and descriptions from neurotypicals would be wanted to make the thread worthwhile, and the ability to ignore/delete all the warm apple pie schmuckie stuff that imo mucked up the thread.


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27 Dec 2014, 9:35 pm

LyraLuthTinu wrote:
I also took the apple pie thing as a trolling/thread hijacking. The movie-reference comes from a conversation and subsequent scene that were a lot more x-rated than hugs, so it looked like somebody's dirty mind hijacking the thread to me.

Also, I would postulate that the OP sees the thread as a waste of time because it has only garnered one serious answer on what hugs are like from an NT poster. The rest has been from autistics who do/do not like hugs, and people responding to the apple pie troll post.

A lot more opinions and descriptions from neurotypicals would be wanted to make the thread worthwhile, and the ability to ignore/delete all the warm apple pie schmuckie stuff that imo mucked up the thread.



pretty much.


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27 Dec 2014, 9:55 pm

LyraLuthTinu wrote:
...

Also, I would postulate that the OP sees the thread as a waste of time because it has only garnered one serious answer on what hugs are like from an NT poster. ...

A lot more opinions and descriptions from neurotypicals would be wanted to make the thread worthwhile,


There are not that many NTs around, and to be honest, those of us who might be considered NT by some loose definition are probably not typical NTs, or perhaps not NT at all. One might get a better response by NTs if posting on an NT forum, or maybe at least in the parenting subforum where more NTs might be reading.

Even among NTs, there are cultural norms that influence hugging. I grew up in a part of the US that is not particularly hug-friendly and moved to a part where hugging is...well...expected.

As for me, (compared to someone on the spectrum, I am NT, but compared to an NT, I am on the spectrum) with the exception of my kids and people who I feel close to (not many), hugs feel intrusive and uncomfortable. They usually seem contrived to me or part of some kind of meaningless social ritual. I am more comfortable hugging someone than being hugged.

When it is with my kids or people I feel close to, it feels...like the parts of me that are inside are able to commune with the parts of them that are inside. It feels like we communicate without words. It feels like...oneness...or unspoken connection. It feels like communicating something that words cannot say, but a shared experience can.


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27 Dec 2014, 10:12 pm

Hugs feel like I'm holding somebody's body close to mine when they aren't something I like. It's slightly better when I like them, and very warm/exciting when I am attracted to them.

That's all I can really describe it as. There's no magical paragraph description I can generate at this time.


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27 Dec 2014, 11:02 pm

I'll try to answer this one, but I'm not an NT.

In my case, I really, really, love to hug my mom but I would never touch anyone else. (And people here likes social hugs so much)

A mere social hug makes me cringe, with a hint of itchiness, and an urge to go away. I don't feel anything from them, just a mere presence of touch and nothing else. It doesn't make me feel welcomed or warmth like they claim, I rather feel invaded. If they're on an emotional turmoil, I rather push them away because I felt too much. As much as I coped with sensory issues well, I'm so close from completely controlling on how to block other people's emotions out. If a stranger gave me a genuine hug, I end up blocking them sometimes.

But a hug from my mom, would either feel annoying if I don't feel to or not really feeling something else. Or if I want to and it does, it feels warm. And it warms inside right in my chest if I were to be more specific. Some feeling that makes you fall sleep with ease...
A genuine hug makes me feel a little warm too, but not to the extend from my mom. A playful toddler's hug makes me giggle sometimes.


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27 Dec 2014, 11:24 pm

InThisTogether wrote:

When it is with my kids or people I feel close to, it feels...like the parts of me that are inside are able to commune with the parts of them that are inside. It feels like we communicate without words. It feels like...oneness...or unspoken connection. It feels like communicating something that words cannot say, but a shared experience can.


I'm so jealous....


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Feel free to PM me for any reason at all. I like to talk to people online.

"I do not know what I am, and soon it may not matter." -Mewtwo.

"Time passes, people move. Like a river’s flow, it never ends." - Sheik

"I'm not popular enough to be different." -Homer Simpson


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28 Dec 2014, 12:28 am

Butterfiend wrote:
InThisTogether wrote:

When it is with my kids or people I feel close to, it feels...like the parts of me that are inside are able to commune with the parts of them that are inside. It feels like we communicate without words. It feels like...oneness...or unspoken connection. It feels like communicating something that words cannot say, but a shared experience can.


I'm so jealous....


I'm sorry :( but I think I understand how you feel. My daughter is a strong visual thinker. She described it to me once and it sounded wonderful. I wish I could see things with clarity in my mind, but I know there is no way I will ever be able to experience it because I simply do not think like she does, but I wish I could. I can't "picture" anything in my brain. Even when I try to picture something concrete and familiar like "dog" I mostly get wisps of muzzles and eyes and tails and whiskers. Like prototypical pieces that refuse to take final shape. But she can dream up an imaginary creature that she has never seen before and she sees it...in full detail right down to the way it's hair moves in the wind. I think it's awesome and I feel jealous.


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28 Dec 2014, 2:12 am

Hugs from my dad and cousin are calming and reassuring to me. Usually they hug me from behind when I'm upset. Like crisscross their arms over my chest and hug me tight that way.