Talking to parents

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For context: I am a 22 year old guy living at home with my parents. I am in the process of seeking referral to be assessed for an ASD, and as part of the referral process I've been asked to provide a document detailing my history of problems with social communication, interaction and imagination. I need to talk to my parents in order to get a more 'complete' picture of what I was like as a child to include in this document, but I just don't know how to broach the subject with them. Is there anyone who could give me advice?

How do your parents feel about autism? How much knowledge do they have about autism?

In most cases, I wouldn't even call Asperger's autism to your parents. I would just call it "Asperger's." Autism is considered a really severe diagnosis to older people who don't know any better. For some people, thinking their son might have "autism" would send them into an absolute panic.

What would be the result of your evaluation? Would you get some kind of "benefits?" Actually, your parents might like that if they feel they have difficulty supporting you.

Please note that I'm not judging your situation. I am in no position to judge it. I hope you are able to obtain the maximum benefit from this evaluation.

As for broaching the subject with your parents. I wish I could give better advice. But it seems like you are required to get the input from your parents in order to get a complete evaluation.

There are other WP members who could probably offer better advice than myself.

Thank you for taking the time to respond - I really appreciate it!

Fortunately, this isn't a completely new area to them: I was assessed 8 years ago, but at the time it was decided that despite my meeting the diagnostic criteria, I was functioning reasonably well and so a diagnosis wasn't appropriate. Since then, my 'functioning' relative to my peers has declined (due to the increased demands of trying to live independently and function in environments that aren't as strictly timetabled and 'safe' as school), and I have actually had to drop out of university twice; partially due to an inability to manage to live alone and cope with the structure of my course/the necessity of interacting with coursemates and lecturers, and partially because of depression and anxiety (which I feel has been at least in part caused by the above difficulties). I have always felt that the decision of the psychologist not to diagnose me when I was 14 was wrong, and I think that accessing diagnosis now - whether they agree with my suspicion or not - will at least give me some closure. At the moment I know I'm different but don't feel as though I'm 'allowed' to be as I don't have a formal explanation, which is a very stressful situation to be in. If I was to be diagnosed, not only could I access appropriate support at university in order to (I hope) finally complete my degree, but I could stop beating myself up for not being like other people, and concentrate on understanding my limitations and strength and doing the best I can.

Sorry, that was possibly more information than you needed... re: my parents: as I was saying, I have been assessed before and so they have a reasonable understanding of what AS/autism is since they were involved in my previous assessment. They do know that I'm seeking assessment again, and I know my mum is wholly in favour of me doing so because, in her words, "it's obvious that [I] have it", and she wants to see me at least have a chance of accessing appropriate support. My dad is more reticent as he thinks that having a label will make other people think badly of me, and might cause me to impose limitations on myself where none exist (I should add that I only know their opinions because they've been relayed to me by my sister, who tends to talk about these things on my behalf as I'm not very good at it).

I thank you for responding, too.

The content of your information was just right.

I'm glad your parents are pretty much "on board," and are relatively progressive people.

I think you're really being an adult about this, and know that you are intelligent enough to succeed--but that you need a bit of help. This diagnosis, hopefully, will provide that help.

At least you're not telling yourself: "There is no hope for me because I have the debilitating condition known as Asperger's" You're telling yourself you will succeed despite it--with a little bit of help.

University is, in almost all cases, much more supportive than an employment situation. But you'll cross that bridge in a few years.

Please, proceed with the diagnostic process, and get the help you need.

Speak to the more sympathetic parent; I didn't get my dad involved at all and it didn't matter. My mum's involvement was more than enough.

As far as broaching the subject is concerned, can your sister be there with you? From everything you've said, it doesn't sound like you will get a hostile reception - pretty much the opposite.

Someone talked about how he got copies of school records. Especially teacher notes on his development and progress. Those notes pretty much described autistic behavior socially throughout his childhood.