Has anyone else been told they are too blunt?

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Yes. I'm very direct, straightforward & don't know my tone of voice or expression on my face.

I'm blunt with the people I know very well, and yes, they tell me that I am being insensitive or rude sometimes.

In the presence of people who are strangers, I am hyper-aware of their words and intonation and tend to be mute until I gather more of a sense of who they really are and if it is okay to be myself around them. For instance, today I was on the phone with someone but I was hardly answering back because I did not want to say the wrong thing to them. Turns out, they thought my silence was super awkward and made an excuse to get off the phone with me as soon as possible. I KNEW that that was what they were doing and they no longer wanted to talk to me, but I only realized that after the fact. And yes, that realization hurts.

Oh, yes! I have been told many times that i am too blunt. I also get the sarcastic "tell us how you really feel!" often when i say something that i did not mean rudely, just being honest. i don't always think i am rude so much as direct. I have had people tell me at times that they admired my tactfulness. But i cannot always tell when my honesty is good and when someone is offended; and that is where it has gotten me into trouble. I just do the best i can and shake my head at the people who can rudely tell me how terribly blunt I am. It seems that NTs can be rude to aspies and feel justified in doing so. But our inadvertent rudeness, which was not meant at all maliciously, is a "character flaw" that can be worthy of their contempt. As if I were a child and a stupid one at that. I am a grown woman and i am not dumb. Socially challenged at times but intelligent. It does not make sense to me. But how to solve the problem i am not sure. I just do the best i can and try to avoid too many social blunders. I have found that if someone is truly my friend they look past this and appreciate the honesty behind what comes across as bluntness at first.

...just goes to show the staggering amount of deception that is built into the hive mind.
It nauseates me.

When I was in my mid twenties my boss, at the time, did me a massive favour. He was a really nice man and was well respected.

One day, in an uncharacteristic moment, he told me that I was 'blunt and rude'. I don't take criticism easily and spent some time digesting this. I was really p××××d off initially.

I'm so glad that he was blunt and rude with me. it was a revelation. It inspired me to be much more careful.

I'm far from perfect even now. I'm often silent because I can't think of anything good to say. I get accused of being overly diplomatic because I use my intellectual skills to try, too hard, to work out what others want to hear. Sometimes my humor shocks people.

I'm still learning.

Wow, that was a horrible thing to have to hear.
I feel the same way. Sometimes I do warn people if I'm possibly about to be blunt/judgmental.


It often shreds my own self-esteem as well.
I do occasionally realize that I just said something rude/blunt, but other times I don't.
It sucks when you really mean to be nice and caring, but come across as blunt and rude.
On occasions I've told people specifically that I really don't mean to be rude or a jerk. Because, I really don't want to be!
And it's so frustrating when I do!


That's all too familiar to me ...


LOL!! !


Sounds like me.
I have a really odd, often eccentric, sense of humor.
Often it involves being blunt as well.

An example:
Someone messages me "Are you there?"
And I respond, jokingly, "Nope"
Now, I don't do that enough to really annoy people.
I try to be funny by saying that I'm not there, even though it's obvious I am, because I responded!! !
(I have had MUCH "worse" humor before, but I can't remember at the moment )

Often my humor is also called "cheesy" or "dry"

-Ben

One time when my mum's friend was driving me home from Karate class, she asked me if there was a time when someone would leave the dojo [training centre]. I replied that we just did, but then I realized that she meant leaving to train elsewhere.

Apparently it really pisses off narcissists, egomaniacs, and others who primarily serve their own identity.

Yeah ... and they are often blunt/rude as well!

LOL, first thing that came to mind when I read your reply is "Donald Trump"

-Ben

No.

I have been rude, but it's usually intentional, like if I don't like the person or are feeling cross or angry about something. But often I am too polite. That's just my nature.

I can't be blunt. I hate being blunt. Usually I'm thinking things in my head that I will never say. A few examples of some conversations I have had where I used a white lie instead of saying what I really thought:-

Person 1: It's my birthday next week. I'm going to be 63
Person 2: Oh my God, you don't look 63!
What I'm thinking: Yes she bloody does! In fact I thought she was much older than that!
But I didn't and wouldn't say that. I just enthusiastically agreed with person 2. I mean, person 2 might have been thinking the same thing as me too. But I didn't like person 1 that much, so I think my thoughts were more harsh and I wanted to say it out loud. But I wouldn't.

Person 1: I dyed my hair yesterday!
Person 2: I like your hair! It looks really nice
What I'm thinking: I don't like it very much. It's too bright and red and doesn't suit her at all
What I actually say: Yes, it really suits you!

Person 1 (an overweight person): Oh, did you have any cake left over from your birthday yesterday?
What I'm thinking: You don't need any cake anyway, you need to lose some weight!
What I actually say: No, sorry, it all got eaten up.

Person 1: Did you like your Christmas present from me?
What I'm thinking: It looks like a cheap, secondhand item what an old person might buy, it's not really my thing at all
What I actually say: Yes, it's nice, thank you very much.
To be more convincing, I'd add something like ''I like the little patterns around the top of it''.

Person 1 (a good friend): I'm sure those people next door to me have been in my front garden again, I know it, I just know it!
What I'm thinking: You've been saying this same thing for the last 2 years, I think you are being too paranoid
What I actually say: Those neighbours of yours sound so horrid! But don't worry, they're the weird ones, not you
The good friend feels better that I'm on her side and supporting her.

My mom tells me I'm rude and selfish.

I agree with your views when you were younger.


I am often blunt and people do, on occasion, yell at me.

However I think it is good to be honest, people usually appreciate that. For instance, if someone asked me if they look bad I'll answer honestly. For the betterment of the inquirer.

I also feel that people are so used to expected social reactions and conventions that they think anything outside of that is rude or unacceptable.

For instance, when someone had told me their grandfather had passed away during the summer and I responded with a neutral "okay" and they called me a dick. They later apologized and said that they didn't expect much of me considering my condition.

And that's when you reply by calling them a dick.

No, my response was "oh".

I don't know why it's worth starting a fight over. Probably they were expecting sympathy. People don't bring up stuff like that if they don't want sympathy. I can see depending on tone how a neutral "okay" might not sound exactly neutral. It might sound a little like "whatever" or "I don't care" which is more obviously offensive.

My experience has been that when you allow an insult to slide you will only continue to get insulted. I prefer not to deal with insults so I'll stop them right in their tracks.