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pcuser
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21 Jan 2015, 1:20 pm

Hi,
I've only known about my As the last 3 years. I'm wondering if suicidal thoughts are part of being Autistic... :(



r84shi37
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21 Jan 2015, 11:56 pm

I believe so. I can't find the post but I can distinctly recall a post on here with a poll asking about suicidal thoughts. According to the results of the totally not scientific poll ;)... it seemed very common in AS people. The problem with all the polls running around on this site is that there is no NT control group rendering the polls nearly useless from a research standpoint.

I'm sure there are other studies out there though about the topic. I haven't had suicidal thoughts lately, but in the past I certainly have. I almost never wanted to die, I'd frequently have intrusive thoughts of swerving my car into oncoming traffic, jumping off buildings, shooting myself etc. It's kind of sad actually but in retrospect it doesn't seem like a big deal. At the time I hated myself for it. Regardless from a logic standpoint... here's my take on it:

There's a saying that goes: Don't use long term solutions to fix short term problems. In the case of suicide it's a permanent solution to a (hopefully) short term problem. Back when I was... frankly just mildly depressed I would have the frequent intrusive thoughts, but now that I've finished my eagle scout rank advancement and I have started college I've been happier and have had no suicidal thoughts. Keep busy! :D


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goldfish21
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22 Jan 2015, 2:18 am

They were for me, off and on most of my life. Passively suicidal thoughts were really bad a couple years ago or so for a period of ~5months until I figured out that I was very sensitive to salicylate acids and many of the foods and things I was eating/putting on my skin were poisoning me. I quit consuming them and made an epsom salt lotion to detox the acids and everything changed. The worst depression of my life was all but completely lifted in 5 days, then things continued to get better from there, I continued to learn more and more and I haven't been clinically depressed since. Sure, I've had normal moments of sadness like any human being, but gone are the days of passively suicidal thoughts and wondering "why am I thinking like this? this is not me.." Anyways, feel free to pm me if you'd like to know more about what I've learned and done.


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zer0netgain
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22 Jan 2015, 6:12 am

My spin on the topic is this.

I've lived my life on the "outside" of everyone else. I've never found my place or my purpose. I'm getting ever closer to 50 having never held a "good job" and soon can expect I'd be lucky just to work someplace that accepts me...never mind if it pays well, provides benefits, or allows me to save for retirement.

I'm still living with parents...in part by choice because it saves money and they can use the extra help around the house...but I can't really afford to live on my own. Lost my job over a year ago and still don't have stable and reliable full employment.

My dad commented the other day that he worries about me. We never talk about it, but my parents must know I'm not "normal," and when they are gone, there won't be a lot of $$$ left over to ensure I don't worry about how to pay the bills on my own.

When I was younger and thought about killing myself, I took solace in that tomorrow was another day, next year was another year...there was always reason to hope things would turn around.

Now that I know about AS, and see how year after year passes but nothing really seems to get better, I truly worry about what will happen to me after my parents are gone and if I DO NOT have a good/decent job and am out on my own by then.

The thought of killing myself is with me daily now. I sincerely hope I get a stroke, heart attack or brain aneurism and drop dead rather than have to make the choice to end my own life. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but everything in life I had hoped for, I now know I will likely never have, and mere survival IS NOT enough of a reason to keep on fighting.

This could happen to anyone (including NTs), but people with disabilities that limit their ability to be part of society and be self-sufficient, they have a more grim and uncertain future than most other people.

Oh, and can we lose the duplicate threads? :wink:



TheSnakeWhisperer
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19 Jan 2016, 1:36 am

I'm sure it does come with the territory, as the disorder affects every part of our lives and it makes life so much more difficult than it is for NTs.

That's why places like this are so vital where people gather who have similar experiences.

Hopefully in the future there will be more flexible employment options for people with disabilities because I know from personal experience that poverty can really be a bummer and it also makes it more difficult to engage in activities with others. Regular people don't understand when we can't afford to do things like go to lunch and pay for a meal or go to the gym (because of the cost), and numerous other things.

I lost a friend of over 20 years because she didn't understand why I never had money and why I wasn't more successful and she had obtained a pretty good job. I have physical disabilities too and she didn't understand that either. The divide just got wider the more she got ahead in life and the more I declined. She also thought I was an inferior person because I had no spouse and she did. I was aware for awhile before she told me to get lost that she didn't like me. At that time I wasn't fully aware that I had AS and she didn't have a clue, but I'm not sure it would have made a difference if she had known. She had her own personal issues and had become very judgmental.

These kinds of predicaments are often double-binds and I think that causes us to feel like there's nothing more we can do.

Expectations whether they are from ourselves or from other people can be a heavy thing to bear.



redrobin62
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19 Jan 2016, 3:41 am

I've been thinking more about suicide recently since some of my heroes are dropping like flies. In a sense the Eagles, Bowie, etc were my teachers and mentors. Kinda makes everything I've learned over years superfluous, doesn't it? Like it didn't matter at all.



Bubbles137
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19 Jan 2016, 5:57 am

redrobin62 wrote:
I've been thinking more about suicide recently since some of my heroes are dropping like flies. In a sense the Eagles, Bowie, etc were my teachers and mentors. Kinda makes everything I've learned over years superfluous, doesn't it? Like it didn't matter at all.


Me too :/ Bowie was my obsession for years and I can't believe he's gone. But I was mostly obsessed with the Ziggy Stardust persona which he 'killed off' in 1973, and I'm trying to see it as his physical persona being dead but his other personas living on through his music.

I experience a lot of suicidal thoughts, and they're particularly bad at the moment because my closest friend doesn't want to keep in touch any more and I can't seem to get a job so my life seems 'pointless' and I can't see that ever changing. I hate how I scare people off by being too intense without even realising it. I can't do anything about it though because I childmind two boys who I'm v v close to and it would affect them massively which isn't fair. So now I'm getting a lot of horrible thoughts telling me to distance from them so that they won't be affected if I do anything, and it kind of scares me.



CockneyRebel
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19 Jan 2016, 7:37 am

I've dealt with suicidal thoughts from the time I turned 15 until I started Grade 12. I think it's the way a person is raised that has more to do with it. If your parents see nothing in your future, you can feel pretty low.


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tetris
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19 Jan 2016, 7:43 am

It's not part of it as such. But autistic can be more likely to get suicidal thoughts and depression etc is relatively common.

I personally don't get them but plenty people do.



EzraS
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19 Jan 2016, 8:54 am

I have to strong of an instinct for survival to comment suicide. But I do at times wish I were dead, or better yet never born.



skibum
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19 Jan 2016, 4:56 pm

pcuser wrote:
Hi,
I've only known about my As the last 3 years. I'm wondering if suicidal thoughts are part of being Autistic... :(
I have had regular suicidal thoughts since I was a preteen. I don't know if they are part of Autism perse, but I do know that I get really overwhelmed a lot which is directly because of my Autism and being that overwhelmed makes me have suicidal thoughts.


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