Getting over fears (namely driving)

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When I was a kid I used to be really scared of most insects because I hated what the texture of their legs looked like as they walked or flew, and I hated the noise they made. I found out about it when my parents took my twin and me to this butterfly botanical garden thing and I was panicking and freaking out and trying to hide. I mostly got over that one, though I think most people dislike insects crawling on them and I still dislike that. I'm not sure how it happened. Maybe I sort of just outgrew it?

But last winter when we were driving home from Christmas Break I lost control of the car and slid off the road because of ice, and now I'm afraid of driving. I didn't like it before without being scared of it, but now it's really scary and my twin usually doesn't let me drive the car while she's in it. My parent are concerned about this fear because of how necessary driving is, and it's hard to get practice in because
1) It's scary
2) I usually have work to do either because of school, or I had schoolwork that I could have gotten done but I didn't have enough self-control to get done on time (or maybe it's because of those Execute Function deficits or whatever they're called. I haven't really known about AS for long. I used to just think I was lazy or distractible)
2a) My mom wants me to start working out on top of all of that.
3) My car is really noisy. My dad even said it's the noisiest car he's ever owned. Plus the highway between my house and my university is really windy, so I can feel the wind pushing the car a lot when we're trying to go home. Plus I'm not that familiar with the town my university is in if I want to go on a short trip. Plus the steering wheel of my car isn't very tight, which reminds me of starting to loose control on a slippery road for reasons that are hard to describe.
4) Noises from the car and from around me while driving (or riding in the car) startle me much more easily now. This makes my sister scream at me (which is also startling) if she's in the car with me.
5) I'm pretty sleep deprived right now because the internet distracts me for long periods of time now. Sometimes it's hard to sense the amount of time passing. Anyway, being sleep deprived makes it harder to drive.
6) I'm out of practice now, which makes things even harder.

Has anyone been in a situation where they've has to get over a fear and they succeeded?
Does anyone have advice for me in this situation?

I also forgot to mention that the movement of other cars and people arounds me in a city setting can easily become overwhelming for me now.

I did just that today ... Too fast in a curve, very slippery surface, and there I was.

Dang! I hope you're okay!

I recommend practicing some snow donuts and teaching yourself to control spins. Use an icy/snowy night in the biggest parking lot near you. That knowledge is why I'm alive. Learn when to resist over correcting your steering rack and you can keep a car (a decently balanced one at least) spinning in a straight line or arrest one of the rotations in order to stay on the road. It's also a "best practice" to learn the differences in when you'll need to countersteer through sliding turns in FWD & RWD cars. Search Scandinavian Flick on youtube for a demo of what I'm describing.

What's your daily driver?

Well, yes. I did not go that fast before the turn, perhaps 45-50 km/h or slower, but it is a less than 90 degrees angle at the intersection, and I had slightly too little friction against the road, and perhaps misjudged the distance, and I was thinking of something else right then, so I was not focussed on the road when I turned. It happened very quickly, and I realised it too late. Suddenly the car was tilted 45 degrees to the side in the snowcovered ditch, and it was not possible to drive forward or backward, since the wheels just spun in the snow. We tried with one big transport car to pull it back on the road, but it could not manage to get enough grip on the packed snow. Next a four-wheel-drive Volvo came, and almost succeeded, but the line broke. Then we called the local farmer who took his tractor and very swiftly got it back up, so I could drive home, slowly.

I am always thinking of other things when doing something.

Don't suppose your fear of driving is rationally based. Every year tens of thousands of people are killed in road accidents. Cars are noise pollutants. Cars billow out tonnes of chemical gases that pollute the atmosphere and affect the health of those with sensitive lungs. The forests are ripped up to make room for roads. The world is heating up from all the concrete and bitumen laid down for the roads and freeways are an eyesore on the city landscape. People work in order to pay off the loans to purchase their cars. I could go and on. The motor vehicle is a cause of human misery, yet humans obsess about owning a car.

I wish I didn't need to use one, but I do. I can't get a job if I can't drive.



I have a Mazda 5, but we don't really get a lot of snow. It hasn't snowed this year yet. Now my problems have to do with driving in general, not just snow.

That's a great car! I love wagovans, first car was a Nissan Stanza Wagon. Being a late-model Mazda I'm sure it's fairly well balanced too. You mentioned trouble with crosswinds so getting the suspension lowered a bit might be a big help. I know your car shares a lot of parts with the Mazda(s) 3 & 6 so finding the components wouldn't be too difficult. I'm sure you could also add sway bars, those would tighten up the body roll quite nicely. Another thing to consider is removing roof racks/boxes if you have any and a stickier set of tires such as Yokohama (I liked mine), Michelin or Pirelli. Most gearheads consider all-season tires to actually be no-season tires. It's actually very astute to be hypercritical of steering feel, steel wheels might add a little heft to that as well. The other thing you might try is a tape loop centered around the upper rim of your steering wheel, that will let you know how far you've pushed it to correct for crosswinds or slides.

Last edited by cberg on 01 Feb 2015, 10:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't know. I don't think I have the money to do that right now.

Autocrossing is really good practice, somewhat easier if yours is the manual gearbox version but always possible.

These are fairly inexpensive and along with improving steering play, cornering and crosswind response they might quiet things down a bit if your car suffers from suspension rattles.

Everyone biffs it into a ditch at least once in their lives.

The more you drive the more comfortable you will become behind the wheel. As others have said, go practice spinouts, donuts, recoveries, ebrake turns, general hoonage in a huge empty parkinglot the next time its really slick out.

Choose one without light poles or parking curbs. Go after hours.

OR

Go way out on back country roads, at least if you fly off your less likely to get hurt or damage the vehicle.

The idea being you get used to how physics affects the vehicle. "If I do this the car will do that". Then, no matter what situation you get into, you will be able to drive with confidence, within your ability, within the ability of the vehicle you are driving, safely.



90kph on ice one handed in a Honda Civic from 1986 It has brand new studded winter tires, like driving on dry pavement, but on ice.


Still doing 90kph, just WAY more ice + some snow. Yes that is fifth gear whining, Its a straight cut gear....


Huge turbo diesel van in a snow storm, on ice, on terrible potholes up to 110kph


Same van, but really high up in the mountains towing a heavy travel trailer.


I get right overwhelmed sometimes behind the wheel. I even have to pull over and give it a rest for awhile. That is okay. Better to be relaxed and safe than all full of anxiety and stress and be a danger to yourself and other road users.

I used to be afraid of horses. Now I can go out to the horse farm and ride all day just like I would go drive a car all day. Exposure to the fear allows you to get used to it. I did not just go out to the farm, pick a horse and jump on it. I first had to learn that I could not even go near some of the horses because they had not been broken yet and were dangerous. I had to learn how to act when around the horses. What side of the horse to mount from, etc etc etc.

Face your fears, so very true.

As soon as I've saved up for the retrofits I know I'm going ice racing. I had beastly studless Gislaved tires on my late Saab, that thing was a monster in the cold.

As others have said












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Drive for one minute only, two minutes the next day.
I fear walking in narrow paths in places with many garages and warehouses, because they have mean dogs in their yards, and around here people are irresponsible and might let a violent dog run around wild. so i walked in a narrow path not far from my house. i started just a few feet one day and then turned around, more another day, until i walk the whole length of it, and all the time i concentrate on the beauty of the bushes around and the blue sky and force myself to calm.

when i feel fear while sitting in a car, i concentrate on blinking street lights and trees rushing past, try to enjoy the experience. this helps a lot against fear.

except in your situation, you have to concentrate on driving and therefore cant look around. i sit in a car, not drive. dont know how. i'm just the passenger.