Asperger's is not real

Post Reply New Topic

lol i think everyone's just proven the existance of AS with all these off-the-cuff remarks!

good to see things are settling down

I agree.

Yes, my wife is living proof that there are indeed some very nice NT's out there. Too bad there are not a lot more like her. Maybe there will be as more becomes known about AS.

Living with an AS partner all these years has REALLY taken a toll on her. Fortunately, we were able to find a good psychologist---one who actually has good personal skills---and she's a real help to us. She understands AS and the issues partners of AS individuals face.

It is true that most psychologists seem to lack good personal skills. And what's worse, a lot of the ones I saw over the years didn't seem to even care. Who knows, maybe I could still get into that field--possibly work with aspies? Like you said, the interview stuff would be tough. I am almost a carbon copy of Josh Hartnett's character "Donald" in "Mozart and the Whale". Plus the fact that I haven't worked in 8 years won't help either. There are a lot of issues I need to work on before I even get that far, as evidenced by the previous sentence. But it is interesting to at least entertain some prospects and maybe set some goals.

Understood and appreciated.

I can relate to your frustration. I feel exactly the same about belonging to a group. I think so many people are rejected from what they perceive to be the group as they are growing up. I was one of those people. I was a loner, and still am. At some point, it became who I was. I am glad. It was hard to penetrate the world of people who are seemingly socially capable. The cool thing is that when you finally learn the rules, you begin to understand what is really going on, that you have a great gift. You begin to learn that the people you thought were so cool, have become victiim of their need to be part of the group. You don't need that, you have already lived this long without it. I thank God every day that I was separated as a young boy. I can navigate in and out of any social group with impunity. I do not need to be here or there or anywhere. I am a floating island. Ocasionally I stay at one place for a while, but only if it suits my needs. What do you think of that?

It's very sad to see those super cool football players wandering around with side-swept bald-spot hair, big paunches with Bud Lites in their hands who have nothing more exciting to say than "How 'bout them Cubs?" They lose the wonder of life, but you NEVER will. There will always be something interesting to learn and something new to master.

That is a cool thought. Did you get that from what I said? If you did, I would like to know how.

I am curious to know if anybody has had this experience. People are always asking me to do something. The person who asks me for help has no idea what lengths I will go to in order to solve a problem. They really don't want to wait around that long for an answer. I usually frustrate them by overcomplicate it and taking to long. I will not quit. Usually the person won't ask me for help anymore. I have accepted the fact that I am avoided because of this personaliy trait. I just cannot understand why anyone would want a simple answer. I have learned to control this behavior in order to make money, but in a social conversion it is much harder to moderate. When I talk to someone I feel like I am putting them in the microwave. I tend to either take over, or completely disengage. When I take over, I don't realize until everyone is getting quiet, then I disengage. Oops, too late! It has it drawbacks. The good thing is that I know what's happening now, it helps me to not feel bad about myself. It has taken me years to learn how to estimate rather than calculate. Every time I do it, it goes against my grain, but I do recognize the time saving value of it. Sometimes exact isn't necessary. There is actually a multitude of learning that cannot be achieved without risking a guess. Isn't it ironic that most people have to learn how to be detailed, while I had to learn how to be simple. What is up with that? To me, complications are beautiful. Details are fun. Even as I write this, I have to constantly remove lines of information. I go back and edit because I put to much in. I over explain. Does anyone understand what I am saying?

I had to learn to do that with people long ago. It's my nature to want to solve every problem thrown into my path and they presented more of them. It took me years to realize that to them, it was just talking. They want to talk about their problems. The actual talking of it makes them feel better. That isn't something I can relate to at all.

I feel like I walk a fine line now between getting too involved in my need to solve everything and just completely forgetting the person's problems (and sometimes the person) because I know they really don't want a solution, just conversation. That has also led to hurt feelings. I have a hard time finding a middle path. Even when I saw the "sympathetic" words they want to hear, I know they don't ring true and my face is somehow stiff and practiced.

Plus, I've learned that because I'm quiet, if I don't put a halt to it at work and home, they'll be after me all the time wanting to dump their woes on me. I don't have the energy for all that emtion, so I hold back. I don't want them zapping all my energy so they can have a sounding board.

Agreed.

Yes! I understand. I have to edit myself all the time. I indulge my tendency to go off on the details by doing my art/craft activities. In the rest of my life I try to be straightforward and concise, just to make life easier!

No offense, but if that's something they genuinely like, why not? Everyone experiences life differently and it's presumptous to assume NTs have a much less rich life than Aspies. this i think is really what statschica has been trying to put forth. this whole them-us dichotomy.

She has a point in that you'd can't really appreciate something until you've been deprived of it. It's hard for us to take things for granted. There are other levels to it.

I do sometimes wonder that if since discovering I have 'it', I subconciously act like "I'm meant to". Then I reassure myself that my mother told me, after reading a LOT about AS, that I've exhibited these traits for YEARS before any diagnosis.

Not all Scorpios are sex-gods, they might like to think they are and act under 'specified criteria' - if you know what I mean. Probably contradicted myself, but you catch my drift.

I think you misunderstood my point. First of all I don't agree with an attitude of us/them. That is totally wrong and counter productive. My point is that by growing up excluded by any group, you actually become liberated. Liberated from the need to belong to a group. Cicumsized by a personality trait. I didn't choose it, but I am going to use it. Maybe I am alone in that position, but I don't think so. I know that everyone has felt that they were shunned at one point or another, but I am talking about something completely different. I am talking about totall exclusion from the norm. Separation, Isolation, desparation. With that in mind, my point is that the damage is done. Nobody can go back and fix it. I would rather see the good in it than cry about it. I would rather triumph over it than succumb to it. Being a loner all those years has given me a tremendous advantage. Embrace it I say. It is a gift, not a curse. Be happy that you don't despartly need to fit in anywhere. There is a book called Influence by Robert B. Cialdini. He demonstrates the incredible affect that social norms have on most people. As I read it, I realized that I am immune to most of them. I was immunized as a child. I don't need to oppperate by the normal rules of society. The unwritten ones that cause most people such distress, that dictate what they can and cannot do. I think that is a plus. And after all, I paid for that freedom, now its mine. The freedom to think for myself. It was a fair exchange. I would gladly do it again. In this world it is actually easier to make a living if you are able to think instead of constantly being burdened by feelings and emotions. Thank God the clarity of solitude

Wow, this thread must have struck a nerve to get to eight pages.

Jeez......................... Who got really PO cause this thread is like way to long!! !! !! You ppl take things way to seriously........dang..... i do to......... i hate it when i contridict myself.......... *sigh* some on must have way to much time on there hands to be continually type back comments on other comments............... Oh well *sigh*
3.............2.................1...............Ok
Round 18 is over and now begin!! !!
*Ding ding ding*

(I wonder if anyone got that????)