asperger, anxiety, meltdown and career

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Hi everyone,

I guess it's already a widely discussed topics the one concerning ''ASD and job career'', but it has been a few months since I'm starting to be extremely worry with my future, and I am strarting to wonder how many possibilities does someone with Asperger really have to succeed in life.
My dream would be to become an academic researcher, my field is analytic philosophy/ cognitive science.
However, sometimes it seems to me that academic career is just designed (and uniquely suitable for) neurotypicals.
Let me explain.
Since I started my master, I've been hearing every days sentences like ''you have to make useful contacts'', ''you have to be a good communicator'' (in the sense of getting closer to professors and to capture their attention), ''you need to put something in your CV'' (talks at conferences and publications).
All those things are not easy for anyone, of course, but they look even harder for someone with an ASD.
The more I go on with my studies, the more I find myself enclosed in a smaller environment, where whatever I do, whatever I said, is noticed.
It was much easier to be ''weird'' in a big university as the one where I did my bachelor program. But the more time goes on, there more you need to be able to communicate and to hide your ''weirdness''.(I am one of those person that I guess appears extremely weird from the outside, I completely lack coordination, I am physically and socially clumsy, my voice is dead flat and so on).
Today I felt really bad and I can't stop thinking about that.
I was studying in the library, and at a certain point I felt so overwhelmed with noises, people chatting, birds and people outside that I almost started to cry and I had to come back. It took me hours to calm down and when I finally did I haven't been able to go on studying, nonetheless all the close deadlines that I have right now.
I really felt lost and I was wondering if it ever happened to any of you, and how you avoid getting stuck with such awful and unproductive thoughts.

Best,

F.

When you break it down, it seems most careers are primarily about the ability to manipulate other people for the purpose of prying them from their resources, so you can have more resources.
I don't think most of us here get too excited about that part of the deal, and so naturally that's a hinderance to us within careers.
Psychopathic types have a huge advantage in this area. They often end up using people like us that are so dedicated to our special interest.

First off, I just quit my PhD program after several years, after coming to the same conclusion you have. It's for NTs these days -- unless you're lucky.

(But if you love your interest, and can publish, then it may be worth the uncomfortable parts. I'm gainfully employed elsewhere so it wasn't worth the trade-off for me. That's just my choice and I wouldn't want to influence you. Just saying I agree.)

If you break down the issues you're facing and deal with them one by one, it's easier. Can you get a private room in the library? Is there a quiet place you can stake out early in the day? Can you wheel out the books you need to a quiet corner of the campus and bring them back at night? Are headphones and carrels (to block out distracting sights and noise) helpful for you?

I know there are more issues than just these -- but fixing them is a start.

You are going to do great.

You're having a rough patch; assignments due and lots of stress. Try to remember it is temporary. Find some islands of peace in your stress. Get help - others can be surprisingly helpful, if you ask. Don't beat yourself up any more than you have to, if some deadlines get missed.

Longer term - You've been figuring out how to live your life with ASD so far; you can keep going. I'm sure there will be plenty of stumbling, and maybe even some falling, but I'm confident you'll find a place that will accept your weirdness, and not make you pretend *too* much.

Thank you everyone! I guess most of you know how much the academic environment can be stressful. In my field everyone aspires to become a researcher, competition is crazy, grades matter too much, and so on. But yes, I have to learn to take my time and to get used to all this.
Today after a workshop some former students gave a talk about grants, scholarships, postgraduate opportunities.
I hear at lest 100 times the expression 'making good contacts'.
That's something that even deviates from my morality, but leaving this aside, that is what makes worst to be an Aspie pursuing academic career.
However, I guess I have to work on that, and it's time to accept it.
My goals for next year are getting something published and having a couple of talks at some conferences. It's a step that everyone in my field has to take in order to get a grand for a PhD...unless he has amazing grades and very good contacts, of course !

Thank you for understanding and helping me with your comments!

Best,

Afasia

I chose the 3D animation career path and I've gotten nowhere... everyone kept telling me I need to sell myself, embellish things, make myself seem better than I am, and use whatever contacts I have to get a foot in the door (instead of my skills being the testament, just tell people "I have an aunt in Pixar" kind of stuff). I have tried, but it makes me feel bad, like I'm lying, and I like being as truthful as possible, to a fault. I would rather my skills themselves get me hired...

Yeah, I'm in cognitive science/analytic philosophy but since whoever studies something like this want to be a researcher you can imagine how it works...
Honestly, I never met a genius in my university, however it seems that getting closer to professors (which is impossible for m due to anxiety, clumsiness and lack of communication skills) will give them an advantage that I will never have.
Better recommendation letters, better grades (I don't have proofs but it looks like it does happen!), better advises for the future and obviously an higher possibility to be hired from the professor herself if she is supervising a research project. Basically...everything that is needed for getting into a PhD in Europe.
And those people seems not to stuggle with moral issues at all, but then it's always me passing for psychopathic(that's how people like to define someone perceived as ''weird'')!

I can really relate to this.
I think that many people use your willingness to lie and do whatever it takes to sell yourself as a type of filter to weed out the non-psychopathic types. If you have too much of a conscious and your morals are too high, then you are of little use to them.
I think it's true, and I think that's why society is where it is today.
I'm not suggesting that is a good thing either.

Am sure son Asperger's - fine with me - have ADD, PTSD etc. myself. Recognized long ago.

He is in major meltdown mode - would never have known - he doesn't communicate
Tried but hadn't seen him for four years - gut said show up and I did (had no clue where he was).

Though respect his privacy, was leaving state, totally. Respect my response too - grieved loss

Brilliant renown son sat before me for two hours drinking straight whiskey - seemed worlds away staring into
space

accidentally commented clueless of what to do next - though fourth respected successful startup -

life lost purpose and meaning - he referred to colleague who left SV and joined a cult in Alaska

last thing he or anyone in that space needs is therapy or labels. Wish he could touch his soul

Are you doing any research project with a professor right now?

No, just writing my master thesis and the last essays for the master courses.

In phd program, it would be easier to get to know professors, esp. your advisor but probably also collaborators, esp. if the lab or group is small as it usually is in this field. What is your next step after masters program?

I need t take ankther year master because my current mastr is only 60 credits (bureaucratic troubles), then I hope to get a scholarship for a PhD, wherever it is! Mea while I plan to write a good research project, to apply for some confeences and hopely to get at least something published so to increase my chance to get accepted into a phd.

Are you going to do research directly with a professor in the next year of masters?
I think it would be better than writing thesis on your own.
Less isolated and more guidance and feedback about your ideas.

Here where I am studying now master students do not do much research, we just write an ordinary master thesis, 8000 words (at least in the philosophy branch), but next year I would like to work on the thesis (the second-master-thesis) a bit more, and hopely base my PhD research project on that. This year everything was new, I got too stressed and I've been incredibly slow with all my essays! When I feel overwhelmed I have difficulties with organizing my ideas, so'nonetheless I was working really hard I ended up writing drafts on drafts for each subject :/

If you want to know professors better, I suggest that you email them with interest in doing one of their research projects. Often, professors have research projects in need of students to work on, and they will tell you about their projects and ask you to pick one. Then, you will get right to work on it, and communicate with the professor frequently about ideas and progress.