Got another dilemma... Advise needed

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Something came up while I was outta town for the 4th of july weekend I was talking with a relative about not being awkward when I'm around him and due to circumstance that happened between us close to 20 years ago things (at-least on my end have been awkward) He told me that he's kinda tired of the social awkwardness that I have when ever we meet up I asked him how so he said that I'm always trying (to hard) to fit in and that I need to just be my self and that things don't have to be so awkward when we meet up.

I know I always thank him for socializing/talking with me because it does mean a lot as he is pretty much the only relative I see/communicate whenever we meet up for the holidays

Now my thoughts on this is I don't know how to be my self I'm always "acting the part" to appear normal or to fit in with normal society and I told him that I am weird (he knows I have Autism and that social skills are not my strong suit) he said just be your self when you meet up with me however I still feel awkward for something that took place in the past it's almost like I'm kinda stuck or focused on that rather then the present We've had heart to heart talks about what took place I know how he feels to an extent he knows how I feel and I want to move on as he already has but I dunno why I can't

My question is I've always tried to fit with people outside of the family to appear normal I dunno how I would try to be my self I mean I love Billy Joel's music I like to geek out with technical stuff relating to televisions/computers things like that and I don't think he has the same interest as I do for such things....so that's where the dilemma comes in how do I act as my self and how do I move on from something that happened in the past?

Advise needed

Moving on is individual specific. Maybe your relative has moved on; don't mean you have to until the time is right. To move on you need closure, and maybe what you've been offered has never felt like closure.

As for "being yourself" - well, you said above that you don't know how to "be yourself". So how can you possibly force it? Someone asking you to force it is being disrespectful.

I've never understood "be myself", as I already am myself and often have no idea of the "other person" I am projecting. My advice instead would be to try and feel comfortable, whether or not you are acting some part.

Well he told me one of the problems he sees is that "I try too hard to fit in and that I should just be my self when we meet up again" in all honesty I just dunno how to be my self and I don't see me as trying too hard to fit in...but then again I can't see my self from the 3rd person perspective.

I think his comment is a bit rude. How does he know you're not being yourself? I've never been able to overcome awkwardness. And I've given up trying to find this "myself" person. I have no idea who that is.

With regard to the past incident which makes you feel awkward with this person, I can't offer advice without knowing what happened.

I can't comment on the past incident other then there's some present day awkwardness about it (on my end) tho I'm trying my best to move past it....he has a "it is what it is" feeling about it. I dunno if he was coming off rude or being blunt and honest with me about trying too hard to fit in I would lean more to blunt and honest as he's not the type of person be rude towards me.

I think it's unfair to say you are trying too hard.
Perhaps being someone who tries to fit in is who you are.
Some people aim to be people pleasers.
There are many different types of people. If trying to fit in makes you happy then you keep trying.

If what he said resonates with you maybe you should identify what it is you would like to be and work on portraying that.

Maybe, if you could relax a little, it would help.

you maybe right as it is I have Social Anxiety on top of ASD and it's other comorbidities so how the hell do I relax?

Right now this line is going thought my head.
"I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection"

Try assuming you will be rejected. Then it doesn't matter.

Maybe you should just bluntly express to him that he can't possibly understand your situation? It seems that sometimes NT people believe they can give you all kinds of advice, or even that they have some sort of advantageous position where they can understand some of your problems better than yourself.

I hate when nts do this. They disregard autism so casually sometimes. Then when you fail to not be autistic they act like you're letting them down.

I get the impression that he's saying this as some kind of complaint. If so, that seems rather silly of him. Surely the best way of raising such a thing would be to say something like "you seem to stifle your own needs a lot in the pursuit of acceptance. There's really no need, I feel sure that you can afford to express your own wishes more than you do, and I won't think ill of you for doing so. But don't let it worry you, because if you never manage to change it, I'll still be your friend and care about you just as much." Apologies if I've read too much into the situation.